For Loving and Saying So
by Bailieboro
Summary: Wedding bells; an unwilling Groom, a reluctant Bride and a distressed Lover. Sequel to Think of No one Else, Love. Continuing the Rejected by Royalty series.
1. Chapter 1

**FOR LOVING AND SAYING SO is the sixth story in the REJECTED BY ROYALTY series**

**CHAPTER 1 : TIT FOR TAT**

Sometimes things can't be explained. They have to be accepted at face value. Death is one, as is birth. Someone is either going or coming at this very moment. Merlin had long ago accepted death, that didn't mean that he didn't rail against it but once he had expending all his energy refuting it, he would accept it as part of life. The comings and the goings flowed into each other.

Merlin sat watching Arthur as he did paperwork, reviewing treaties and town management charts.

"Haven't you anything better to do than sit and watch me?"

"No! I could think of something but it might be slightly distracting."

"Well, don't make any noise then."

"I'm only thinking that doesn't make any noise!"

"I can hear your brain clicking over and it is noisy...shush, if I don't have this finished by supper, I'll be burning the midnight oil!"

"That sounds promising...is it like a campfire and toasting marshmallows?"

"Hardly, more like. Go away, Merlin! Not now, Merlin! Take a hike, Merlin! See you later, Merlin!"

"Oh, then I'll leave you to it so that tonight it will be more like; Come here, Merlin! Now, Merlin! Get yourself over here, Merlin!" He turned towards the door saying over his shoulder, "Oh, Arthur, if you need me, I'll be with Gawaine."

Merlin adroitly ducked a pillow as he made his way to the door, with Arthur's voice echoing in his ears, "If you know what's good for you, stay away from Gawaine!"

Funny, how he could always get a reaction out of Arthur with that one name. Yet when the three of them were together, they had no problems as long as Gawaine acknowledged Arthur as the Mighty One!

For someone so important in the kingdom, Arthur had what Merlin considered a slight flaw. He was never completely confident that Merlin's attentions might not be captured by someone else. Not that Merlin cared as it meant that he benefited regularly from renewed declarations of love and statements of intent.

Merlin's only sorrow at this was that it made Arthur worry and feel insecure, unable to believe that he would have no interest in anyone apart from him. He had tried so hard to convince him that every part of his mind, body and soul was Arthur's for as long as he wanted him.

This is why the Gawaine line was perfect, as it set Arthur off, every time, like waving a red flag at a bull. Then for a few minutes, Merlin would feel guilt but the more he looked at Arthur, the more the guilt turned into fun and he'd look innocently at him with a slight smile until Arthur retaliated sometimes violently as in a goblet or a pillow but more often standing there with the look of a chastised child waiting for a smile to signify that all was forgiven.

"Why do you do it?" He'd asked one evening, cuddled on their upholstered bench in front of the fire. "It hurts you know!"

Merlin snuggled closer whispering, "Just for a second and then you swing into Casanova mode and make me realise that in the whole world, after Gaius and Gawaine, it's you hands down!"

Arthur stood up suddenly and Merlin slipped into a heap on the floor. "Aw, that hurt my rear. Arthur, I'm not as amply padded as you are!"

Realising that a door had slammed, Merlin looked up. Arthur wouldn't have gone into the corridor dressed the way he was. The only other door available for him to slam was the antechamber door.

Merlin stood up putting on his house slippers as the flagstones were cold. He picked up Arthur's and made his way to the door. He tapped politely saying, "Arthur, your feet must be cold. I was only fooling! Come back to the fire and I'll show you how I really feel."

Only one person controlled his life and that person was Arthur. He was to honour and serve the prince until destiny had been fulfilled. The only hiccup in this plan was if the royal idiot got over his head in trouble and he was unable to bail him out. Then all bets were off and Merlin could be called to complete his life cycle any day.

Once, he had pigeon-holed that thought, it never really crossed his mind, he was young and invincible, he had his whole life ahead of him. Arthur and he would shoulder on through life, facing a variety of problems but always realising that together they were able to accomplish more, than as individuals.

'Now,' he thought, 'I've done it!' "Please Arthur let me in, you know very well that nothing is further from the truth, you know I have always loved you and I never even think of anyone else in that way. You are the only one for me. We were made for each other." He thought, 'Even when you are really being childish...' "Come back to the fire, I can't sit there by myself, it's too lonely on a bench built for two. If however, you are really cross with me, I can go to Gaius's for the night. It's your decision and I will stand by whatever you decide."

Merlin was shocked when he heard Arthur saying, "Maybe, sometime apart might do us good. Don't call me, I'll call you!"

He couldn't believe that, no way! He raised his hand to blow the lock off the door but had second thoughts and walked over to the bed and retrieved his clothes, dressed and after stopping at the door said, "Good night, Sire!" and quietly left the room.

Damned if he was going to disturb Gaius's rest. He thought of the alternatives and then decided that the turret room was his best bet. He could light a fire and have a comfortable sleep if his conscience would allow it. Tomorrow, he'd try to patch it up with Arthur.

Arthur heard the door shut and decided that Merlin had been punished enough for his stupid remark. Anyway, he wasn't amply padded was he? He was sure that Merlin hadn't actually left the room. After the door shutting statement, he was probably waiting in bed for him. He couldn't shake the thought no matter how hard he had tried over the years, that if Merlin was going to be attracted to anyone it would be Gawaine. He knew that Gawaine would do anything for him and had shown it on many occasions.

'I'm so stupid,' he thought, 'I have a wonderful person who had professed his love for me and my silly mind keeps imagining situations which don't even enter his mind.'

He let himself out of the antechamber, slipping on his shoes, Merlin was right, his feet had been cold. He made his way across the bedchamber but there was no one in the bed. He crept around the bench and was ready to jump on Merlin as he sat in front of the fire but it was empty. He checked all of Merlin's favourite hiding places including under the bed but he was gone.

'Damn, where was he? Had he really left the room? How could he... then he remembered that he had told him they should take some time away from each other and included that inane phrase, 'Don't call me, I'll call you!'

Maybe he should check to see if he was at Gaius's but as he stood there he heard the sentries announce midnight. He wouldn't disturb Gaius this late as he was old and had to get up early to see to his patients.

He still wasn't absolutely certain that Merlin was not hidden somewhere. He unfurled the curtains tied to the four bed posts on the bed and then retied them. He glanced up to see if he was possibly lying above the bed but the material was taut with no dip for a body. He opened every cupboard and chest. Nothing. Suddenly he remembered the exit door in the antechamber. That's it, he'd gone out the main door and waited outside until Arthur left the antechamber and then sneaked back in and was possibly lying on the cot in the manservant's room, laughing as he heard Arthur checking out the room.

Well, two could play that game, Arthur tied his dressing gown around him and sneaked out into the corridor and tiptoed to the exterior door to the antechamber. He carefully depressed the latch and held his breath. Slowly, he opened the door, he walked to the door of the manservant's bed chamber and peeked inside. Nothing, no Merlin!

Then he began to get annoyed. 'Who did he think he was? As his manservant, he had been told to lock and bar all doors leading into the royal chambers, anyone could have walked in on them. That was it, he was turning in and he'd take it out on him tomorrow!'

Neither man slept. Merlin was warm and comfortable in the turret room but felt strange being in such a large bed on his own. Arthur was warm but worried, he absolutely hated sleeping alone especially when he had no idea where his regular bedmate was hiding.

* * *

><p>Arthur woke to the sun streaming in on his face, he smiled and reached out and then the facts surfaced, he didn't know where Merlin was. He squinted towards the window. He pushed his elbows back, resting on them, his breakfast was on the table. Thank, God, he was back! He could see into the water closet and there was steam rising from water in the pitcher on his dressing table.<p>

"Merlin? I didn't sleep last night without you. I'm sorry I said such a stupid thing, we never need time apart we just need more time together. Come here!"

Not a sound...he put his feet over the side of the bed and waited. Merlin was going to jump him, he could feel it. He didn't trust him one bit, he had the patience of Job and would wait until Arthur was completely relaxed before reverting to the 'incoming manoeuvre'. Arthur smiled to himself, life was never dull with Merlin around!

"Merlin! Hurry up," Arthur laughed, "The water is getting cold and you'll have to get more before I can get washed."

Slowly Arthur realised that he was having a conversation with himself in an empty room. This was no longer funny! Merlin was always up in the morning to make sure that the door was open for the staff who brought breakfast and hot water into the antechamber. Then he'd halfheartedly serve breakfast, make up the bed while Arthur washed and settled on what he was going to wear and help him dress...

Who had been in his room to deliver breakfast? It had to have been him. Arthur knew that he would never have permitted staff to enter the room when he was asleep in bed. He ate, hurriedly washed and dressed. It was such much easier having someone put on his boots even if they were sometimes rather personal! Funny, he thought all the little things that he and Merlin used to joke about made life in Camelot so much more bearably. He was certainly in less than a jovial mood as he clumped down to Gaius's to drag Merlin back to where he belonged and where he was wanted, even needed.

Gaius had breakfasted and was preparing salves, an ugly green looking paste that reminded Arthur of frogs yet he had never been brave enough to ask about the ingredients. A shudder ran up his back. Those things in the bowl were certainly deer's eyes! 'I don't want to know,' he thought.

Gaius looked up and smiled, "So, how's my favourite Crown Prince this morning?"

"Your favourite Crown Prince would be happier if his manservant had been present overnight..." He noticed the surprised and worried look on Gaius's face.

He realised that the news was a shock to the physician. "He wasn't with you? He's not here, I haven't seen him since he was serving at supper last night. What have the two of you done?"

Arthur had the decency to look sheepish, "I had an argument with him over Gawaine."

Gaius shook his head smiling, "Arthur, he's winding you up about Gawaine. They are friends but nothing compared to the two of you. Come on, out with it, what else did you do or say?"

Arthur felt as if he were standing in front of Gaius as he had when he was younger, confessing to all the various things which had resulted in skinned knees and goose-egg bumps on his head. "I told him that we needed time apart and not to try to get in touch with me, as when I was good and ready, I'd get in touch with him."

Gaius just shook his head. "When are the two of you going to grow up and act as mature adults? Feelings are fragile and Merlin is under a lot of stress. You are the Crown Prince and he is a manservant, he has no clout and have you not noticed how he watches you when he has nothing else to do? He idolizes you and he can at times feel quite insecure, that someone like you would love him. I'm sorry, I don't know where he is. You haven't seen him at all, right?"

"Well, he must have delivered my breakfast and hot water this morning but I never woke up. Please Gaius, if he turns up here, send word, I'll drop everything and come immediately."

"That's not going to make the king very happy is it?"

"Forget the king, I need Merlin more than him any day"

"Arthur!"

But Gaius was rewarded with the back of a figure exiting from his chambers. He thought, 'Merlin, I hope you know what you're doing this time!'

Merlin knew exactly what he was doing, he was changing Arthur's bed, collecting clothes and linens that were to go to the laundry. He'd tidied up the wardrobe and chests. The servants had arrived to remove the breakfast platter, so he'd cheekily given them the laundry basket to take to the washerwomen. He laid out suitable clothes on the bed for supper, checked all the door and windows and left their chambers.

He decided to drop by Gaius's. He wouldn't mind a day out in the woods gathering herbs and other specimens of fungi and the like which Gaius needed. Did he feel guilty? Of course he did... Did he miss Arthur? Yes but he wasn't yet ready to crawl back to him begging forgiveness. If Arthur could made hasty decisions about his feelings then Merlin had to right to nurse said feeling until he was ready to approach his lord and master!

He didn't get the welcome from Gaius which he had expected. A little bird had already beaten him, to lay his grievances on the table.

"Where did you spend the night? I don't think Arthur by the look of it, slept very well?"

"I went to the turret room and I am resigned to live there in the state of celibacy until he comes to get me?"

Gaius had to laugh. Merlin's plans for paying back Arthur's non-trusting mind always amused Gaius. He just shrugged his shoulders and maliciously chuckled saying, "...and I hope Gawaine doesn't happen along in a week as you'd be all over him."

"I would never cheat on Arthur, I think of no one but him, Gaius, you know that."

"Then, maybe, you should tell him and stop this playacting!"

Merlin with a suspicion of a grin asked, "Did he miss me, do you think?"

"I'm surprised you didn't pick up his bawling like an abandoned calf in your turret! Anyway, he's in Council with the king, now so what do you say we, pack a lunch then take the time to wander in the woods to see what Mother Nature has for me..."

* * *

><p>The fresh air and relaxed atmosphere of the woods did wonders for the pair of them. Merlin actually forgot Arthur for a few hours and came back to Gaius's laden with baskets and sacks of plants, roots, fungi, bark and grotty looking worms which he didn't ask about as he really didn't want to know!<p>

Arthur however had not benefited from being enclosed in a council room with the king, some elderly dozing and even snoring advisors and a list of laws to be revised. Anyway, Merlin's absence was foremost in his mind so much that at one point, he asked the king for a break to clear his head as he had not slept well last night. As a magnanimous gesture, the king halted the proceedings for an hour allowing people to walk around and in some cases wake up!

Arthur high tailed it to his chambers, he saw that they had been tidied and that his clothes to be worn for the evening meal were laid on the bed. He felt sick, this was no longer a joke, he'd kill him when he finally had a chance to lay his hands on him. Well, maybe not kill him but he would be really cross with him, he decided!

Slowly, he made his way to the council room with his head down, not noticing the shadow which blended into a doorway as he passed it.

Merlin's heart leapt but he clenched his fists allowing his nails to bite into his palms to stifle calling to him. Then he had passed and the opportunity was lost, he could have kicked himself, one little word and Arthur would have melted in his arms or vice versa. He wasn't sure but someone would have melted..."

There was a knock on Arthur's door, around the time he should have been getting dressed for supper and Arthur smiled, he knew he'd turn up, Merlin couldn't stay away that long and he didn't want to be away from him that long either. He said, with a little laugh, "Come in, Idiot, I forgive you!"

A strange voice said, "Sire, I have come to help you dress." Gavin walked into the room, he was now a squire who had reached the level of helping dress knights. He never thought he would be asked to help the Crown Prince.

"Ah, Gavin. You have come to help me. Did Merlin send you?" Gavin dropped his head.

Arthur saw that as an affirmation. "It's alright, this won't take long. Now pass my boots and hold them steady for me, good. Stand on the bed and drop the tunic over my head, very good, can you reach the clasps at the neck? Jump down and hold my jacket for me, now up on the bed to straighten the shoulders. Excellent! How do I look, as good as when Merlin does it?"

"Sire, you look perfect. Don't yell at Merlin for sending me. He wasn't very happy as most of the older squires were already spoken for."

"Well, if I couldn't have Merlin to help me, I am happy that you were able to do such a good job. Are you also serving me at supper?"

"Yes, Sire."

"Good, I know we will get on famously. Just put another log on the fire and we'll go down to the dining hall together. Did I ever tell you that I don't eat sprouts? So if sprouts are served, you don't have to give me any is that understood?"

"Yes, Sire!"

Standing in the antechamber, Merlin marveled at Arthur's kindness to a squire who was a little overwhelmed by the challenge which Merlin had set him. He'd be fine as Arthur would look after him and by the time he got back here, Merlin would have hung up all today's clothes, put out his night clothes in front of the fire and turned down his bed.

'Bonne Appetite! Arthur,' he thought, before, heading as a treat, to join Gaius in his chambers for supper in front of the fire...

* * *

><p>Arthur returned to an empty room and dismissed Gavin telling him that he could manage and thanked him for being so helpful. He couldn't believe that Merlin was still unaccounted for; he was beginning to be slightly annoyed. He'd again spoken to Gaius who had told him that he had to settle something like that himself.<p>

"Well, is he alright?"

"I believe so Sire!"

"Gaius, I miss him."

"I know, Arthur, but you should be telling him that, not me!"

"Well, how can I if I don't know where he is!"

"You do, Arthur just think!"

As Arthur walked out the door, Gaius glanced up as Merlin came down his stairs. "Satisfied, are you? Stop this silliness, give him a chance to apologise and get on with your life..."

Merlin had heard what Arthur had said and truthfully, he could see that he was missing him and it had made his feel guilty.

Arthur sat in front of his fire, still not undressed. There was a tap on the barred door and he had turned expecting Merlin to answer it. Then he remembered, he got up and said, "Who is it?"

A voice said, "Me!"

A door had never been unbarred so quickly. Merlin was dragged into the room. "Where were you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I really missed you. I knew when you had been in our room but by the time I got here, you were always gone."

"Arthur, I think it's time, you got undressed, don't you?"

The prince handed himself over to his competent manservant who hands were possibly more intrusive than normal and he smiled...


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 : YOU ARE INVITED**

All the arrangements had been made to the satisfaction of Sieur Louis de Monfort father of Donatienne and Lord Lionel of Essex. The hand of Louis' sixth daughter Lady Donatienne of Monfort would be given to Sir Gielbert of Essex mid summer.

The news was greeting with great rejoicing. Gielbert was a favourite among the knights and most people remembered Sir Thierry's little niece who used to visit Camelot and stay with Marie Soleil. Many had thought that Arthur might have claimed her for his bride.

Arthur was thrilled. He knew that Gielbert had waited many years to finalise all the arrangements and be able to claim his bride. As expected the wedding was being held in France at Chateau de Vaudreuil, an imposing feudal castle that had been in the Thierry family for centuries.

It would be a grand event and many from Camelot would be taking the trip across the Channel to celebrate with the happy couple. The newly weds would finally return to England as although Gielbert had been offered a place among his future father-in-law's knights, he had declined as he wished to remain in Camelot.

Arthur had suggested to Humphrey that chambers could be made available for the couple in one of the lesser used wings. The Lord Chamberlain and Humphrey his assistant, had come up trumps and Gielbert was surprised and touched when Arthur had given him the key to a suite of eight rooms, including suitable accommodation for the servants which Donatienne would be bringing from France.

Humphrey remembering Gielbert's kindness in agreeing to supervise and accompany the child Arthur on many excursions, made sure that the facilities were fit for a favoured knight. Merlin received the guided tour and agreed that it would be a worthy home for Donatienne, whose clothes and some furnishings along with two servants had already arrived from France.

Seeing Gielbert's happy face, reminded Merlin of the look on Arthur's face, the day he had quietly opened the door to the turret chamber carrying two primroses. That little room was still a godsend, far from the hustle and bustle of the castle; they could live their lives as they wanted away from prying eyes and inquisitive minds.

"So Merlin," said Arthur one afternoon as they sat in their little courtyard, "Parles-tu français?"

Merlin looked at him and grinned. Sometimes Arthur really amused him, asking him all sorts of things which you would expect a crown prince to know about...like the eggs.

One day last summer, Merlin had put down in front of him a little dish with a twin yolked egg. Arthur was fascinated. He was full of questions. "Did double yolked eggs produce twin chickens? How large would the egg grow?"

Merlin just smiled, looking after chickens in Ealdor, he had on one occasion counted seven eggs and left them under a hen to hatch but there were eights chicks within twenty one days, seven normal sized and one little one. He had been fascinated. His Mam had told him that it was a gift from the heavens but he often wondered if, though he didn't think he had, made a mistake counting the eggs.

Arthur was then annoyed that the cook had cracked the shell. He would have liked to have seen twin chickens hatch. Merlin tried to explain that there wasn't a little note on the shell saying 'double occupancy' but that word alerted another part of Arthur's brain and it was a little while before he got back to twin yolked eggs.

"Are you listening to me?"

Merlin came back to the present. "Arthur, I can recognise French and have heard you and Donatienne talk but no, I don't parler anything but English."

"..and even that is debatable," Arthur answered, quickly ducking a dirty sock.

Merlin bent and picked it up, he'd have to later anyway.

"Shame you don't parlez-vous etc. as I will be needing a manservant when I go to Donatienne's wedding and my first choice, I wonder why, would have been you."

"But I could manage, I know oui and non. How difficult could it be?"

Arthur said, "Les cuisses de grenouilles sont sur la carte!"

Merlin thought for a while and said, "Granny kissed the carter's boy. See Arthur it's easy, you just have to concentrate. I can do it!"

Laughing, Arthur walked over to him and gave him a hug, "Well, what you lack in ability, you certainly make up for in imagination. Actually, I said, 'Frogs legs are on the menu'."

"Arthur that is disgusting, why would any serious cook let frogs jump around the kitchen?"

"Merlin, they're dead."

"What's the use of dead cooks? No wonder the kitchen is overrun with frogs!"

To shut him up, Arthur kissed him and knew that a trip to the wedding of a brother knight would be incomplete without his unilingual friend.

"You'd miss me and I would really miss you, we haven't really been apart since I returned to Camelot at eighteen. Please, Arthur. I won't try to speak French and I will do whatever you ask." Arthur raised his eyebrows. Merlin grinned and said, "That too, Arthur!"

...and so, it was decided that Prince Arthur, needing to impress people with his retinue, would be accompanied by Humphrey, Merlin and Sir Martin the librarian, his former teacher, who actually spoke French. Arthur felt quite comfortable with his supporters and Merlin only wished that they could have taken Mulgan and Gidun but the king vetoed allowing destriers to travel to France, agreeing they would wait on this side of the Channel and insisting that other horses be available to them once they reached France.

Uther would not be accompanying them as it was too dangerous for the king and his heir to travel together.

He would stay and rule Camelot and Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. Gaius and Geoffrey also decided to remain on terra firma.

Gielbert was already in France but Sir David his brother and his parents would be leaving with the Camelot party. Sir Thierry, Lady Yvonne and Valentin were going separately to visit family before the wedding. Arthur would be accompanied by five knights, Sirs Leon, Romney, Lancelot, Spenser and the reprobate Gawaine who had wangled an invitation from Gielbert.

Arthur realised that someone as handy with the sword as Gawaine could be an asset if they got into trouble. He'd just keep an eye on him when Merlin was around. In total, the party comprised of twenty three souls, including servants and grooms.

Humphrey and Merlin did all the packing for Arthur's French visit. The Crown Prince had to be identified by his clothes and care was taken not only in the packing but in their choice. Merlin's clothes were also checked as if he were to accompany the prince on most occasions, he would need to look respectable. He hadn't had any new clothes since Arthur's visit, as Uther's envoy to Wilmslow when they were disguised as a peddler and his assistant. So, Merlin raided the old chest in Arthur's anteroom and came up with a new assortment of outfits.

Arthur told him that neckerchiefs were forbidden in France by order of the French king. Merlin duly impressed, left all but one of his at home. Arthur decided that it was equivalent to a security blanket and let it pass, determined to chuck it out on the first opportunity. Merlin had him, why did he need a symbolic neckerchief?

Finally, the wagons left with all the travellers' baggage on the three hundred mile trip. It would take them twice as long to arrive in Dubri than the mounted party. They would travel much slower at about four miles an hour, depending on the condition of the roads and the number of detours taken. compared to the riders at around six miles an hour. The wagons would be unloaded and brought back to Camelot. The baggage was taken by boat to France transferred to hired wagons and taken to Vaudreuil to await the arrival of the Camelot party.

After travelling for nearly a week, the riders arrived and the following day, were ready to board the boats. Merlin bid a fond farewell to Gidun explaining that it was safer for him to remain with Mulgan. Sir Malcon would have to find Arthur a suitable horse as Merlin knew that one way to annoy the prince was to expect him to ride something which he considered below his royal status.

Arthur remembering his trip for Marie Soleil's wedding, worried about being seasick. Merlin was thrilled with the channel, its white cliffs, pebble beaches and continual waves. It took some time for them to embark but finally the boats were rowed out until the sails caught with wind.

Merlin stood in the bow with Sir Leon and enjoyed the movement of the sea and the wind and spray in his face. Arthur sat with Humphrey looking miserable. The voyage by comparison had been rougher than Arthur had encountered on his first trip. The following day, the hale and the hearty left on hired horses for Chateau de Vaudreuil.

Merlin's French horse took an instant dislike to Arthur's. It refused to walk quietly beside it and made life difficult. At the end of the first day, Merlin took the horse on one side. He held its bridle and looked at it head on, whispering to it, one phrase 'Les Boucheries Chevalines'.

Next morning, Arthur and Merlin rode side by side. "What did you do, you're not that good a rider to have reschooled him overnight?"

Merlin grinned and said, "No, I think I told him about frogs' legs!"

Arthur shook his head, talking to Merlin when he was being cryptic was useless. Whatever he had done, it had worked!

The knights took their time, as they were enjoying their first trip on the continent. Merlin enjoyed the enforced rest. He now liked his French horse and found the locals, pleasant and happy. What they were saying was a mystery but a smile and some head nodding seemed to suffice.

One day, he came home with a small basket of snails which he had got at a local market. He was very impressed that the children liked snails enough to have them available in the market. When Martin had taken him on one side to sadly explain about 'les escargots', he had been heart-broken. Later that evening, he went into a wooded area near their inn and liberated all his little buddies.

As in England, the inns had dormitory style accommodation with a few private rooms. Sir Leon arranged for the servants to be in communal accommodation, the knights to have shared rooms and made sure that Arthur's private room was large enough that a manservant could stay with him.

On that first night, Merlin learnt one new French phrase which he would never forget. Arthur had whispered to him very quietly as the walls were paper thin saying, "Merlin, embrasse-moi!"

Panic had set in, he didn't have a clue, he was trying to figure out whatever it was 'in brass' that Arthur wanted or didn't want for that matter.

Arthur leant forward, repeated it and following the old adage, you learn best by doing, gently kissed him, repeating not only the words but the action. Merlin grinned, he was learning French and enjoying doing so...

* * *

><p>Chateau de Vaudreuil was in reality a large dark, partially moated, castle situated on a hill with a view of the surrounding countryside, as in Camelot a town had grown up outside the walls. The four towers with central bailey were very distant from the graceful turrets and lovely architecture of Camelot.<p>

Arthur's party was met kilometres away from the castle by mounted guards and knights and escorted through the curtain walls and the lower town, across the moat bridge, through the barbican, under the portcullis into the innercourt.

Arthur dismounted and was greeting by Sieur Thierry, who introduced him his brother, Donatienne's father. Sieur Louis explained that he would be meeting the rest of the family at the informal supper that night. "It's been a long trek for you and we'll hold off ceremonial meals until everyone is rested." The prince was impressed with that reasoning and decided he would suggest that his father consider doing the same for guests who had traveled long distances.

Arthur's party was shown to their rooms by two menservants and Merlin jogged along behind. It was so unlike Camelot that it was a real adventure. The corridors were narrow but with vaulted ceilings, the narrow stairs were at the back of the large dining hall and mounted steeply to the second floor. Arthur was given four rooms one of which was in the tower and had rounded walls. He glanced at Merlin and could tell by the dreamy look on his face which room they would choose as theirs. Huge fires burned in all the rooms and the servants knew that the fires must be kept going as it was damp and heavy tapestries covered all the doors and windows.

Arthur thought of Donatienne and her sisters living here. It was very different from Camelot.

Humphrey had chosen his room and told Merlin to put his clothes in the middle room which could be considered an antechamber. Humphrey, the soul of discretion planned ahead to ward off any questions from castle staff. The fourth room was a reception room which also led to all the bedchambers.

The tower room was interesting. It had one small window and arrow slots, covered again with tapestries. It had a timbered roof with solid stone, circular walls, and a two foot stone bench around the circular section. Arthur could just see archers defending the castle sitting there waiting to ward off an attack. Various arrow slots were at kneeling and standing heights and higher ones which must have been reached by standing on the bench.

There was a huge fireplace, with sections on either side for firewood. There was also a small chamber which probably held provisions when the castle was under attack and the defenders had holed up in the various towers. This one had been converted into a wardrobe. Arthur noticed that there was also a barred wooden door which presumably would lead outside to the walk along the battlements.

A luxurious bed had Merlin performing his incoming manoeuvre sinking into the fur blankets, eiderdowns and pillows. He made a mental note, 'Need eiderdowns for turret room!'

Arthur stood laughing, Humphrey walked in, laughed and said, "Sire, I see Merlin has already checked out that your accommodations are acceptable." Merlin got off bed laughing. "Could I steal him, as there is some further unpacking to be done?"

"Go and try to be helpful for a change!"

Merlin turned and as he followed Humphrey out of the room, gave Arthur a knowing look and blew him a kiss.

Arthur let himself flop backwards on the bed thinking, 'What ever it was about that man, he had him captive, body and soul!'

The informal family supper was enjoyable. Arthur sat beside Sieur Louis with Donatienne on his right, Gilebert sat beside Lady Mirabelle. All six daughters were present many with their husbands, Arthur didn't try to get the names and faces straight as it would come later.

"Were you sick on the crossing?" asked Donatienne.

"No, but it was rougher than the last two times."

"Is Camelot still as beautiful as ever?"

"Yes and we are all so excited for the two of you to come back. I was going to surprise you but I want to tell you now, as a wedding present, I am giving you a horse."

Donatienne's eyes lit up. "Arthur, my own horse that will be wonderful. I won't feel beholding to anyone when I want to ride. Do I know it, have I ever ridden it?"

"No but you have often asked to ride her?

"Ash? Arthur you're giving me Ash. I absolutely love her. She's beautiful. Oh, Arthur that is one wedding gift which I will never forget! How is she?"

"She's great. I now have a bay stallion called Mulgan and instead of retiring her to the stud farm immediately, I thought you might like to ride her. She's honest and willing. Tom is working with her while I am away and he says that you will be able to manage her fine."

"Tell me about Mulgan? Has he grown a lot."

So Arthur told her about how well the three of them had come on and how regal and inspiring Iago was and what a lovely mare Favoury had turned out to be. He added, "We're all very proud of Solomon's offspring."

Sieur Louis smiled at Lady Mirabelle, he felt quite safe allowing his daughter to go to Camelot. He liked Gielbert and obviously his daughter felt quite at home with the Crown Prince.

"...and Merlin, is he with you in Vaudreuil? Is Gaius well? How is little Annie?"

Arthur laughed, Gielbert's future wife was a real charmer. He'd enjoy having her permanently in Camelot. He'd have to remember to tell Merlin that she had been asking after him. He quickly told her the story of Merlin and the snails. She exactly understood Merlin's feelings and told Arthur to tell him that he had done the correct thing.

Lady Mirabelle told Gielbert that Arthur was charming. Gielbert explained that he'd been involved with the prince since he was around seven and really enjoyed his company. "Look after her, won't you dear. She is very precious to her father and I, we will miss her terribly. She always seemed so excited about going to Camelot and never stopped talking about it when she returned home."

"But surely, you will be coming to visit us once we are settled? Camelot is huge, there is plenty of space for visitors and I know that Sieur Thierry and Lady Yvonne would love to see you as well."

"That is very kind of you to think of us. Something to look forward to in the distant future but first we have to get the two of you wed!"

* * *

><p>Arthur returned late to the chambers escorted by a page with a lamp, who bowing low said, "Votre Majestie, je m'appele Michel et je suis votre chausseur a chambre." There were no wall sconces throughout the castle just in the more populated areas. Michel lit the one near the stairwell and directing Arthur to his door, opened it and stood back.<p>

Arthur nodded, "Merci, Michel." Once the door was closed, he looked up and said to Humphrey. "We have a page called Michel, not too sure if he stands in the corridor all night but it will help if we can remember his name."

"Yes, Sire. Are you ready to turn in? The castle servants put the warming pans in so your bed should be ready for you."

"Merlin will look after me. Is he here?"

"Yes, I believe he is in his chamber."

'I bet!' thought Arthur.

"Good Night, Humphrey, wake me for breakfast tomorrow." Arthur walked through the reception room to his bedroom and as he expected Merlin was curled up on the bed with a book. The room was lovely and warm and the only proof that it was windy outside their little tower was that the tapestries sometimes swayed.

"Donatienne asks to be remembered to you and she says that you did the right thing with les escargots."

"I can't believe that you would go and tell her that. It makes me look right stupid"

Arthur responded non-verbally with raised eyebrows which earned him a clip in the ear with a rabbit fur pillow. Merlin grinned, "You like rabbits so much that this is one wanting to get its own back."

Merlin got up and helped Arthur remove his jacket and shirt. He hung them up and then removed his boots, slipping on house shoes as the flagstones were freezing as he had already experienced. Arthur slipped off his under shirt and trousers and wrapped himself in a wool dressing gown which Merlin had warmed near the fire. Gielbert had told them to bring warm clothes especially quilted vests and even wool under tunics explaining that the castle though old and romantic was cold and damp.

Merlin had told Arthur that the old and romantic sounded great but he wasn't looking forward to the cold and damp. He removed the warming pans from the bed and put them near the fireplace. He pulled back the tapestry from the little window so that daylight would shine in the next morning. He released all the bed curtains and pulled them around the bed, except the end ones which faced the fireplace.

Now, he was feeling the cold, "I hope I'm not going to be too cold tonight to sleep."

"Don't worry Merlin, You've got me to keep you warm!"

Arthur lay down thinking of the upcoming wedding. He knew that it was only time before his father started reminding him that he needed an heir. He wasn't looking forward to any of that nonsense.

As Merlin snuggled into Arthur, feeling warm and safe, he realised that he had safely crossed the channel and was in France The best man in the whole world professed to love him. He was a peace with the world and he wouldn't have changed being Arthur's manservant for anything. He chuckled and thought, 'Not even Gawaine!'

"Did you want something, Merlin?"

"No, at the moment I have a plethora of good things."

"At it again, Merlin, but as long as you're happy I am too. Good night!"

"Good night, Sire!"

Arthur dug him in the ribs and they both laughed...


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 : WHILE THE CAT'S AWAY**

Uther often asked Gaius and Geoffrey to lunch while Arthur's was in France for Gielbert and Donatienne's wedding.

Gaius later said to Geoffrey, "Did you feel that Uther has something up his sleeve?"

"He's up to something. I felt that he wanted to say something to us but that he wasn't too sure how to begin."

"We should take bets as to which day he will finally get up the courage to say it. I have a bad feeling about it, as I feel it concerns Arthur"

Gaius was right as two days later Uther dismissed Richard and the squire Mark, after they had served the three of them. Once he had finished eating, he starting to fiddle with his wine goblet, he looked at its contents, swirled it and said, "I want both of you to know that Camelot needs an heir. Arthur is old enough to be a father."

Gaius gave Geoffrey the 'I told you so' look!

Uther continued, "King Hansard of Gower and Queen Bettina have a daughter of marriageable age, a Princess Guinevere. She is suitable for Arthur and comes with a sizable dowry and the marriage will, in the future unite our kingdoms. The proposed union would be politically beneficial to Camelot. Hansard wrote that his daughter is agreeable to an arranged marriage.

"Gaius, this is where you come in. Arthur needs advice. We might need to employ strong armed tactics with him in this situation. He needs to realise that it is a duty of his to produce a child. He has shown no interest in finding a suitable woman. He needs to settle down and maybe a wife and a family will accomplish that, as he seems to be currently too involved with tournaments, hunting and his knights."

Gaius thought, 'Not only knights!' and his heart went out to Merlin. He turned to Uther and agreed that Arthur seems to be disinterested but maybe after returning from the wedding in France, he might decide to settle down. "Sire, I'm not too sure about strong armed tactics though, I think maybe reasoning and persuasion might be better."

"Great! I'll leave it up to you then."

"Now, Geoffrey, what is your input?"

Geoffrey felt that he was attending a council meeting. "Well, Sire, historically arranged marriages between royal offspring are very common. In some cases, once an heir is produced, the couples go on their separate ways with the blessings of their families."

Uther looked pleased with this bit of information.

Gaius agreed, "I think it is possible but how do we get Arthur to agree?"

Uther stood, "Leave that up to me!"

'Not, likely!' Gaius thought, 'You have as much tact as a bull in a china shop!'

"Now, Geoffrey," continued the king," Draft something along the lines of a letter of intent to King Hansard. See if there is still interest on his part."

Geoffrey rising said, "Sire, I will get right to it." He bowed then turned nodded at Gaius and left the room.

The king turned to Gaius and said, "Now, Gaius your responsibility will be to get Arthur to attend the ceremony, hog-tied if necessary!"

Gaius's heart sank, he said, "Sire," bowed and left the private chamber.

* * *

><p>Gaius returned to his chambers. He sat before the fire, thinking over the situation. He could see merit in it. One, it would shut up Uther for all time. Two, it would possibly provide an heir. Three, the couple could then split up. Four, it might be advisable to get it done while he was a prince not the king. And...last but not least, it might protect Merlin and Arthur's relationship. He thought, 'The duty of a crown prince...!' and sadly shook his head.<p>

There was a knock at the door and Geoffrey, the royal negotiator walked in shaking his head. He threw a silver coin on the table as payment of his bet with Gaius. "Well, my job is easier than yours, how will you approach Arthur?"

"Through Merlin, I think. He's very intelligent and if he can see the merit in the action then maybe we will be able to convince Arthur to at least give it a try. I guess if the worse comes to worse, we can as Uther suggested hog-tie him."

"You wouldn't Gaius, you love him too much. If we take it slowly and seriously maybe, we can arrive at an acceptable compromise for all parties."

"Merlin is going to be the one who gets hurt. It is sometimes hard enough for him to accept that Arthur is his, now we're trying to insinuate a third party between them. Give me strength!"

Geoffrey the royal negotiator sent missives from Uther to King Hansard. Then, there followed a formal visit with a solemn Sir Rupert presenting the letter of interest and provisional intent to the King. None of this was discussed with Arthur as until the arrangements of provisional consent to the union would be made, Gaius decided to hold off.

Sir Rupert returned late one night and gave Gaius a heads-up. King Hansard had agreed. Tomorrow, he would deliver the missives to Uther.

* * *

><p>Early the following morning, while Arthur has taken Gielbert and Donatienne to see Ash and hopefully ride out for a couple of hours, Gaius sat Merlin down and gently presented the proposal with the pros and cons. "Merlin, you know that Arthur needs a legitimate heir. He is a crown prince and as cold and cruel as it seems that is one of his duties."<p>

Merlin dropped his eyes and Gaius saw the realisation taking place that their relationship had reached the point of no return.

Gaius let it sink in.

He finally raised his eyes and said, "I've loved him for so long but I have always realised that he is a crown prince and will need to get married. I'm willing to accept that and leave tomorrow. I've been very happy here in Camelot and I'm indebted to you for so much but I couldn't, Gaius, stand by and watch Arthur living with someone else, it would kill me...

"One thing, though, can I explain it to Arthur, I don't want him thinking that I just ran away from him..."

"Merlin, I have no intention of allowing you to leave Arthur. He wouldn't stand for it. I was hoping that the three of us could come to some sort of agreement which will only slightly change the status quo not destroy it."

Merlin raised his head and wiped the back of his hand across his face, rubbing the wet hand down his pants. "I will seriously consider anything, that will see me not walking away from him."

Gaius and Merlin discussed until late in the morning, the plans for allowing Arthur to marry so he could father a child. It was going to be very difficult and the third person in this equation needed to be brought into the discussions.

Lunch in Arthur's chambers was a rather quiet meal.

"What's up Merlin, you look as if your whole world had come crashing down on your shoulders? It can't be that bad."

"No, it's nothing, I've just been thinking of Gielbert and Donatienne and how happy they are."

"Not half as happy as we are. Come here."

Merlin joined Arthur on their special chair in front of the fire. "Some days, I can hardly believe that the seed of our love was planted the day that I learned that there was a boy called Merlin. Even thinking of your name when I was a teenager used to send shivers through my body. I even told Gaius that if I ever had a son, I intended to call him Merlin... What's up...? That's not a sad thought, it was funny. Come on, I can see someone who needs a special hug and a couple of kisses!"

Merlin allowed Arthur to put his arms around him and hug him. He felt that his future was insecure like the time he had gone onto the ice on the pond in Ealdor and realised that the ice was breaking up and it was only thanks to the help of magic that he managed to get off without getting wet higher than his knees.

Could he maybe put a spell on Arthur, so he would agree to do whatever he had to, to stay with him? He brushed a tear away. He tried to remember all the wonderful times and knew that Arthur would fight for him but whether he would agree to Gaius's plans was another thing. It hurt him to think that someone else might think that Arthur loved her. He didn't know that he could share him but if that was the only way, then he would fight till the bitter end.

Somehow they landed up on the bed which was alright as Arthur was dining alone in his room that night or so he thought. As in reality, food was going to be delivered and three of them would be eating there this evening as Merlin had invited Gaius. Merlin was determined to be positive; negativity might lead to his leaving Arthur.

He got up and fetched hot water. Arthur washed and decided that he would stay in his dressing gown.

Merlin said, "Not tonight, we're having supper with Gaius, he's joining us. Put on something comfortable but a dressing gown is too informal."

"Never been informal enough for you, dear Merlin, has it?" Arthur thought he was being funny but it cut right through the walls which Merlin had started to build around his heart and it hurt.

Gaius knocked and Arthur brought out a bottle of mead and poured three drinks. He knew that Merlin would only touch his lips to his but that was fine as it gave him something to drink before they called it a night.

Gaius smiled at both of them, noticing Merlin's haunted look and put his arm around his shoulder as he walked towards the fire and sat with Arthur.

They toasted Gielbert and Donatienne and Arthur for some reason wanted to also toast any other couples in Camelot who might be getting married. Merlin walked to the table on the pretense of getting a napkin. He scrunched his hands trying to keep control of his feelings.

They finally all moved to the table and started their meal, "There is something very important which I must discuss with both of you." Gaius started. Then he carefully laid before Arthur the situation which he now faced as crown prince.

Arthur got up and walked behind Merlin and put his hands on his shoulders and said flatly, "No!"

Merlin lifted a hand and held one of Arthur's. He turned and brought it to his lips saying, "Listen, Arthur. Come and sit back down."

Gaius stayed calm and cool. "Arthur, since the time you were old enough to understand about families and babies, I always told you that it would be your duty as the son of the king to get married and have an heir. Deep down, you know the difference between what you want and what is expected of you.

"I didn't know that the love of your life would be a man and I am in no way criticising your choice. I am just stating that if you want to be able to live the life of your choice, in return, you are going to have to do your duty." He smiled at Merlin and even though it killed him, Merlin smiled back.

Arthur had been shocked to see Merlin smiling as if in agreement. "So, all those whispered endearments of yours meant nothing...The promises, we made in the forest counted for nothing...My love counted for nothing...! He put his face in his hands and said brokenly, "Merlin, I loved you and now you..."

Arthur was visibly upset.

Walking around the table, Merlin knelt beside Arthur's chair and whispered. "My love for you is as strong or even stronger than that first night in Cave Two. I will stop loving you only when my heart has stopped and I have no breath left to declare it. I live for a glance or a smile from you. Your touches send me wild and I am not certain that without you I will even survive, therefore for that very reason, I want you to consider something.

"I am willing to share you with a woman in body only. You will pledge to me your heart, your mind and your soul. Once an heir arrives, you can then choose to leave her or continue with the agreement."

Arthur said, "Which would you prefer?"

Merlin grinned and said, "Arthur, you really have to _ask_ me that questions? Once a baby arrives, which I will consider my son or daughter, I will expect you to return to me, your body without restrictions to join your heart, mind and soul, already in my possession."

Turning to Gaius, Merlin laughed and said, "Cover your ears, please! This is just for me and Arthur."

Gaius smiled, closed his eyes and covered his ears.

Merlin took Arthur's hands and whispered, "Arthur, you'll be like Solomon at Castle Farm, no love just business!"

Arthur blushed and whispered back, "How am I ever going to look the woman in the face without thinking of Solomon!"

"Won't be the first secret we've kept from the king." He leant over and softly kissed Arthur before turning to Gaius, touching his hand, he smiled at Arthur and said "Gaius, we're finished. It wasn't that bad was it Arthur?"

Arthur looked up, grinned and said "Neigh!" And they both went into peals of laughter.

Gaius could not believe how approaching Arthur through Merlin had accomplished something which had been hanging over his head since they were in France.

Merlin bossy as usual, smiled at Arthur and said, "Gaius, I think we need time to set down some rules for the upcoming event. Can we meet at lunch tomorrow in your chambers?" He nodded at Arthur who nodded back. "Not a word to the king but you can run it by Geoffrey, right, Arthur? I think he might, with his legal mind, notice some points that the two of use might miss."

Gaius stood up, "I think you have a busy evening and probably night ahead."

Merlin chuckled grinning at Arthur and said, "I believe we might!"

"Merlin! You'll embarrass Gaius."

"No, don't worry bringing up you and having Merlin with me as well, has made me immune to being embarrassed. Good Night! Try to get a good night's sleep as we will need to be on our toes if we are going to work on an Arthur's marital ultimatum."

"Gaius, that sounds like a very unhealthy disease!"

Laughing, Gaius left closing the door behind him. Walking down the corridor he felt ten years younger than when he had walked along it three hours ago. He thought, 'Thank God, for Merlin!'

* * *

><p>At lunch the following day, attended by Merlin, Geoffrey and Gaius, Arthur laid down on the table a list of his demands, Gaius read them aloud.<p>

He would make suitable wedding promises but omit the words love and pledging his troth.  
>He would protect the Princess from harm within and without Camelot.<br>He would house the Princess suitable to her status.  
>He would live his own life as she would live hers.<br>He would acknowledge any child as his, born ten months following the wedding ceremony.  
>He would upon the birth of said child, release the Princess from any requirement to remain with him.<br>He would accept that after the birth the union would revert to a solely ceremonial partnership.  
>He would accept that should they be together when he is crowned king she would be his queen.<p>

Arthur handed the list to Geoffrey asking him to read and make any necessary adjustments and to discuss with Gaius any additions which he felt were forthcoming.

Geoffrey had had Sir Martin make a copy of the letters of intent and proposed contract from King Hansard so Arthur could study it.

Together, Merlin and he had read it over and Arthur insisted with Geoffrey, that Merlin had his input. They ironed out a few things and then agreed that the following afternoon, Arthur would present himself to the king and state that he was willing to marry the woman of Uther's choice.

Before they knew it, the time had come to see Uther. Merlin helped Arthur dress and made sure that he was also suitably attired. This was step one of an important event in each of their lives.

Uther beamed when Arthur told him that he was accepting Hansard's offer. He knew that few of the upper classes married for love as marriage was mostly a business venture on the part of their parents and even sometimes the advisory council. He felt sure that his son would muddle through.

He was surprised how quickly Arthur had come around and he realised that even at nearly twenty-four, Gaius had more influence over his son than he did. He felt a spark of jealousy.

Uther charged Geoffrey to draft a second proposal with the prince's offer contingent on the acceptance of the crown prince's demands.

Within the week, the second proposal had been returned duly signed and mid-summer nuptials in Camelot had been accepted as demanded.

The Lord Chamberlain readied chambers suitable for the new bride who would arrive with at least four servants and one lady-in-waiting. The princess would have a suite of rooms, occupying the floor of one wing. Mutually agreeable visits would take place in that wing but Arthur will retain his own chambers.

Merlin marveled how different royal life was from the lives of the normal citizens.

One day in early August, Hansard and Queen Bettina arrived with the Princess Guinevere, various senior court officials, knights and lesser family members. The bride to be was ensconced in her own private wing with her entourage and the other guests were spread throughout the castle.

It was at one of the first banquets that Arthur and Merlin had their first glimpse of the woman whom Merlin secretly, even from Arthur, called the Intruder. She was quite tall, very regal looking but as far as Merlin was concerned, not a patch on Donatienne. She had beautiful manners and he was sure that she might have made some man happy.

* * *

><p>The day of the nuptials Arthur almost lost it. The night before he had pledged undying love to Merlin yet here he would be, for all to see pledging himself to another. He was very insecure, frightened even that Merlin might have a change of heart after the ceremony and leave him.<p>

Gaius had told him to think about how ridiculous he sounded but it was as if the gold coronet he wore around his head, was making selective decisions as to which thoughts he might consider. Before he left the chamber, he had slipped his ring on Merlin's index ring and asked him to wear it during the ceremony and return it as a sign of his acceptance, the next time they made love.

Uther, Hansard, Queen Bettina, Sir Rupert and senior council members were on the dais. Standing in supportive positions behind Uther were Gaius and Geoffrey. Merlin stood one step behind Gaius. He would have preferred to have gone out with Gidun but he knew that Arthur would need to be able to see him and he was hoping that he would have the strength to smile encouragingly when their eyes met.

Arthur escorted by Sir Leon and Sir Gielbert made his way to stand before his father and future in-laws. Merlin could tell that he was checking a desire to laugh. Princess Guinevere was led to the bottom of the dais steps by ladies-in-waiting, to stand beside Arthur.

Geoffrey officiated, "Are there any impediments to this marriage?" A slight blush passed over the face of the lovely bride, secrets to be kept hidden deep in her heart. The pledges were repeated. Papers signed, and the couple turned.

Arthur's eyes sought Merlin's who forced himself to smile and Arthur nodded. Gaius had put his hand on Merlin's elbow; his emotions were ranging, doubts surfacing, unsaid words choking him, 'What if he falls in love with her?'

A lone knight in the assembly, felt his heart has been broken.

The Ceremonial Wedding banquet was a success. Merlin sat quietly with Gaius and Geoffrey. Gaius could see that Arthur was plying his usual courtly etiquette routine but there was just an edge to his movements belying his nerves.

Following the speeches which even Gaius felt were overly long and in some cases too politically motivated,

The newly married couple departed. Gaius felt Merlin stiffen and he put his arm around his shoulders whispering, "He'll be alright, the next time you see him, he'll be the same old Arthur."

It was then that Gaius noticed Arthur's ring on Merlin's finger, he gave him a half hug and said, "Be strong for him, Merlin."

* * *

><p>Merlin couldn't sleep, he had trouble being alone in the royal bed. His mind couldn't function and crazy dreams assaulted his mind and senses. Solomon, Arthur, Ealdor, the Princess Guinevere, hens and chickens... Sentries announced the third hour. Merlin heard someone unlock the door and come into the room; he felt someone climb into bed beside him. He lay still allowing Arthur time to settle and waited for him to break the difficult silence.<p>

Arthur turned towards him and said shyly, "Merlin?"

"Are you sure, Arthur?"

"Merlin, believe me, I've never been more sure in my whole life!"

Merlin smiled and turned to the newly-married man who had left his wedding bed to be with the person whom he loved most in the whole world.

Later, Merlin slipped Arthur's ring off his own index finger and onto Arthur's. He smiled into the night and curled into him.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4: THE GAUNTLET**

Arthur had been very careful with the princess, always respectful, always the gentleman.

Merlin even liked the princess. She was very pleasant and it was really through Gidun that he had got to know her. When the prince and princess went riding, Merlin always went as Arthur's manservant as did Oswain who had arrived from Gower as a manservant to the princess. He was actually the husband of her principal maidservant so Hansard had sent him with the princess more as a majordomo or butler.

Of course the problem was that Gidun was determined to be next to Mulgan so he decided that his position of choice would be beside Arthur. There was no reasoning with him as Merlin found out. He was strong so on the first couple of outings, he continual charged forwards and having Merlin begging the horse to be good, finally, got too much for Arthur.

He politely asked, "Guinevere, do you mind if Gidun is between us?"

She had smiled at Merlin, turned to Arthur and said, "No, that that would be quite agreeable."

Arthur felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. He knew that it was not only Gidun but Merlin who wanted to be there. He had shrugged and said, "Merlin, you may ride there, as long as you and Gidun behave yourselves..."

He hardly raised his eyebrows but was rewarded with a big smile from Merlin.

Guinevere enjoyed Merlin. He was amusing, respectful, could tell great stories and she found him very relaxing after life in court. He also had a good effect on Arthur who couldn't be called relaxed as his mind always seemed to be occupied with what she presumed was Camelot business. However with Merlin, Arthur seemed to lighten up he was almost a different person. Oswain also enjoyed having Merlin along as he made him laugh and it certainly made for a very pleasant outing.

Uther would watch the four of them return with Guinevere and Merlin chatting and Arthur and Oswain laughing and he would smile to himself and think, "One day soon, we will hopefully be able to make a proclamation." He was still not sold on Merlin but as long as the princess didn't mind him he would keep quiet.

One day, a Council Meeting was scheduled and Arthur was expected to attend, it was a lovely spring day and the princess wanted to ride but as she explained to her husband, Oswain was busy. Arthur asked, "Would you feel safe if Merlin were to accompany you with a groom?"

"Could he, Arthur? He is very pleasant to be with and chatters on so, it is refreshing. So different from my maid servants who just wait for me to speak and then do whatever I say. I love it when Merlin talks back to you and you are so sweet because you don't yell at him! I think it's so funny."

"Well, Guinevere never tell the king that, as he has absolutely no time for him. Over the years he's been a good friend and usually nothing is too much of a trouble for him ,unless he doesn't agree with it and well, you know what he's like. I'll send him to the stable yard to meet you after lunch. Will a maidservant be accompanying you?"

"Does one have to, Arthur? None of them are great riders and will hold us back."

"I trust Merlin implicitly with you but do as he says because surprisingly he has a way of always choosing to do the safe thing. However, you will need a groom with you for appearance's sake."

Merlin and Guinevere often rode out with a groom in tow and when Uther wanted to know where she was, Arthur told him that she was quite safe as Merlin was supervising her. Uther thought to himself, 'Why he feels that boy is so special I'll never understand.' but said to Arthur, "She seems to have settled in well, can I be expecting to hear good news one of these days?"

Arthur blushed and said from the bottom of his heart, "I hope so, Sire!"

With Merlin liking Guinevere, it was much easier for Arthur and Merlin's relationship. Merlin never spoke about that part of Arthur's life and loved him no less because he might occasional not arrive in their bedchambers until very early in the morning. When he slipped into bed, Arthur would always sigh contentedly when Merlin wrapped him in his arms.

* * *

><p>Uther was saying, "Maybe, Arthur, you and the princess might spend some time at Yewdene," he smiled at Geoffrey, "That is, if Geoffrey wouldn't mind having royal guests."<p>

Geoffrey bowed his head and said, "Most certainly not, it would be an honour, Sire. However, I feel that the manor is lacking in amenities for a royal princess.

Arthur felt Merlin stiffen beside him and heard him whisper, "No, please Arthur, no!"

The king, not privileged to Merlin's reaction, swept out of the room followed by Sir Rupert.

Arthur looked at Geoffrey who shrugged his shoulders and Gaius who shook his head.

Merlin was shocked. "You wouldn't, Arthur, would you?"

"What do you think?"

"So much has happened in such a short time that I really don't know!"

Arthur put his arm around Merlin's shoulders and said, "Thanks to Geoffrey, it is our private home. I have no intention of taking the princess there. Lady Imelda, Geoffey's mother was the only 'lady of the manor' for me and always will be. Honestly, I would never consider taking any one there!"

He looked at Merlin to see his reaction and continued, "It's yours and mine and together we can welcome as guests whomever we want but the decision will come from us, not from the king!"

Both Geoffrey and Gaius nodded in agreement.

Later that night, Arthur sat with Merlin in front of the fire. He put his arm around him and Merlin shifted over, so their bodies touched. He often marveled at how wonderful this double chair would be for families, as even as a big kid, he could have snuggled up with his Mam.

He moved again to have more contact with Arthur. The casual physical contact made him feel special. He liked to know that Arthur was right next to him not off visiting someone else.

"I'm sorry that the king upset you about Yewdene. I would never share the ownership information with anyone. Geoffrey was on the ball, stepping in so quickly. Sorry you were upset."

"It's been hard. I dread the private time you spend with her. Alright, so I am excessively needy where you are concerned but there are worse afflictions in life. I am scared that you are pulling away and then you come back to bed after your 'Solomon duties' and I know that you aren't."

Arthur giggled, marital obligation was always difficult for Merlin to say so he had coined a phrase to suit his feelings.

Gaius had practically choked when he had first heard him use it but now accepted it and even thought along these lines, when Merlin said that Arthur didn't get to bed until early morning.

"I think we are extremely lucky to have found each other."

"Don't worry, Arthur it was written in the stars," said Merlin feeling that he deserved at least a kiss for that profound observation...Arthur obliged.

* * *

><p>One summer day, while all the knights and Arthur were honing their skills for the Summer Tournament, Guinevere and Merlin were out riding. They stopped by the river near Castle Farm and they walked the horses into the river to drink.<p>

Guinevere wanted to walk for a while, so she dismounted and the groom took her horse and followed them at a discrete distance.

After a little while, she said, "Merlin, you are always telling me stories, I want to tell one this time."

She smiled as he said, "I'd love to hear one of your stories,"

"Many years ago, a distant family member of mine, fell in love when she was a young girl." She paused, "Her father forbade her to have anything to do with the man in question and told her he would send her to a convent if she insisted on this ludicrous behaviour. He then found another man for her to marry but her heart always belonged to her first love and she was so unhappy deep down. She always hoped that one day; she would have the courage to run away."

Merlin was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The princess was too involved with this story for it to be anything but her own. One part of him rejoiced; one part of him was saddened. Saddened, because the woman had been forced against her will to succumb to her father's wishes and now was considered the property of a man whom she neither loved nor hated. He rejoiced because the love that he had for Arthur had been freely given and accepted for what it was, true love!

"And your family member told you this?"

"Yes, it was very sad..."

"And what finally happened?"

"I think she is still planning to leave but she feels a little guilty as the man her father married her to, is good and strong and has never hurt her. She is hoping that he also loves someone else and then they could amicably break the marriage contract."

Merlin thought, 'He does!' but said "Is that even acceptable? Has your family member tried talking to her husband?"

"I don't think so. She has not told her husband as I think she is too afraid of her father and her father-in-law."

Suddenly she said, "Merlin, we've been out so long and as I wouldn't want anyone worried about me, we should go back..."

They mounted and soon they saw the turrets of Camelot across the meadows.

The princess smiled sweetly and said, "Please don't tell anyone the story. It is really not very important..."

But Merlin could see by the look in her eyes that is was the most important thing in her young life.

Arthur liked Guinevere as she was pleasant and never caused any problems. He was also pleased that Merlin got along with her as it made life so much easier. He felt guilty as it wasn't her fault that he loved another and as she was never overly affectionate, he sometimes wondered if her heart didn't belong to someone else. He encouraged her to follow her own interests and in other words, to leave him alone. She had everything that she could ever wish for or need. The only thing which she didn't have was his love as that was claimed by another.

Guinevere had decided after a year and no babies to visit her parents as her mother was not well. Arthur had arranged for knights to accompany her home including Sir Gaelan who had come to Camelot as part of her retinue, having trained with the Gower knights. However, he was welcomed to join the Camelot knights after the wedding and not surprisingly, he had accepted.

Sir Gaelan was a capable knight and fitted in nicely with everyone. Little did Arthur know but that he was biding his time. Gaelan had fallen for Guinevere ten years ago when they were both fifteen. Her mother had explained that her father the king, would rather see her dead than married to a knight. But their love had grown and after one episode of going missing for two days, the Queen had suggested to the King that to save their daughter's reputation it was necessary for her to be betrothed and married as soon as decently possible.

And in walked Arthur the sacrificial lamb. Hansard would have agreed to Arthur's demands, regardless of how far fetched they were. He wanted a married daughter and was happy to pass her off to become Arthur's responsibility.

Arthur never realised that the day, he waved her retinue off that early September, he would never set eyes on her or Sir Gaelen again.

Her party was only two days out of Camelot when it was noticed one morning that, not only was the princess and her maidservant missing but also a knight. The search was thorough but nothing turned up. No locals had see riders on quality horses. In desperation, the knights under Sir Romney split, three advancing to Gower and four returning back to Camelot. Sir Gavin led the group to Camelot and suffered verbal abuse from Uther when he explained what had happened.

"How could you lose a princess?" Gavin didn't respond and didn't really care because over the years since that awful attack when all the other squires had been killed, he realised that Merlin meant something special to the prince. Merlin had saved his life years ago and he would willingly do anything for him including letting the king scream at and threaten him.

Uther had called Arthur to his chambers when he heard about Guinevere. He was furious as they had had a contract how could Arthur allow this to happen. Arthur tried patiently to explain that Guinevere obviously no longer wished to return to Camelot or to remain married.

Uther yelled at him as if it were his fault. "She can't be unmarried! What did you do to her to make her so unhappy?"

When Sir Romney returned with letters from Hansard absolving the Camelot knights of any wrong doing and stating that he would not be requesting the return of the substantial dowry, Uther twigged that there was more to this story than met the eye.

* * *

><p>Arthur and the king were going down to the training field for afternoon sessions, both clad in chain mail shirts with belts. Uther was still hot under the collar and muttered threats to Arthur as they walked along the corridor. Merlin and Richard followed silently behind with shields and helmets. Arthur was carrying his gauntlets which Merlin would later help him put on. They could hear what was being said but remained disinterested.<p>

Suddenly, Uther's voice changed and he became quietly threatening. "You stupid boy! You have blown your chances of ever finding a wife and siring an heir"

Arthur had answered, "Maybe if I had not been so pressured by you, I might have found someone."

Merlin bit his lip and put his head down.

"_I_ found someone by myself," his father challenged. "...and she was the love of my life!"

Merlin cringed as he heard Arthur say, "...and look where it got her!"

Uther's arm swung up and with his right gauntleted hand, he smacked Arthur across the face. The force of the blow threw Arthur against the stone wall and he slid down, banging his head. Merlin was with him before his head hit the ground and his hand softened the impact. Luckily the training gauntlet did not have mental spikes on the knuckles but the ringed metal plates on the fingers had done sufficient damage. Realising that if Arthur staggered to his feet, a battle royal would ensue, he put his hand on his temple and said, "_Obdormisces_!"

He then turned to Uther. No one hurt Arthur! ...almost instantaneously the king was moaning as he had a broken right forearm and collar bone. Merlin looked up at a worried Richard and said, "Look after the king, walk him back to his chamber. I'll get Gaius."

"What about Arthur?"

"Don't worry," he gave the king's manservant a slight smile. "Sleeping Beauty isn't going anywhere just now...and don't touch the king's arm..."

There was a bellow from the king and Merlin smiled and said quietly, "Oops, too late!"

Almost immediately, Merlin saw a page and sent him to Gaius telling the boy to tell him of the injuries, and to ask if Gaius would go to the king's chamber. He returned to Arthur, his face was lacerated and he possibly had a dislocated nose. He was certainly going to be bruised tomorrow. He looked so peaceful that Merlin after looking around to make sure that they were alone, leant forward and ever so gently kissed him, saying, "Wake up, Snow White!" Arthur stirred and opened his eyes and Merlin rewarded him with another kiss for being so obedient.

"Arthur, you're alright but a bit bloody."

"So are you, Merlin! Were you also hit or was it mouth to mouth resuscitation that caused those injuries?"

Merlin smiled and wiped his lips. Arthur was fine and he'd like to get him cleaned up a bit before Gaius saw him. It would be a good reason to spend a lazy day in their chambers.

By the time, Gaius had finished strapping Uther's shoulder and splinting his arm, Merlin had with great care, undressed Arthur, removing the blood soaked tunic and putting him in his dressing gown. He carefully cleaned Arthur's face and sponged off his neck and chest. He encouraged him to sit in front of the fire with his legs stretched out across their chair.

Arthur smiled, Merlin so liked to be in charge and the way he was feeling, he was only too happy to hand over the reins to him. Merlin sat on the floor beside him, mentioning casually that the king had hurt his arm. Then, he continued reading to him as Arthur's hand played in his hair.

There was a knock and Gaius walked in. He seldom waited as if the door wasn't barred, he was always welcome.

He came around to the fire and glanced at Arthur. "Well, I think you came out the winner? Whatever happened? The king refused to discuss it so I gave him a pain draught and left him to Richard. He's going to be sore for a few days."

He asked Arthur to walk to the window and checked his face. "Were you hit?" He asked for a clean towel and pinched Arthur's nose giving it a pull to get it back into place.

"Ow, that hurt!" said the brave crown prince of Camelot. "What happened to the king? Was he hurt as well?"

Merlin jumped in and said, "He slapped you so hard, that his arm must have broken."

Gaius shook his head at him but Merlin smiled back and shrugged his shoulders.

"Is anybody going to tell me what happened?" Gaius pleaded.

Merlin couldn't take it any longer and with a nod of approval from Arthur, he told Gaius all the gory details, sensibly omitting any reference to magic but he knew that he would be called on tomorrow, as Gaius would have known from the clean breaks that something was afoot.

"Arthur, I don't think that you were clever, throwing your mother's death into your father's face. I believe in his own way he really did love your mother."

"Well, I'm never apologising for what I said. Anyway, is my face alright?"

"Yes, I'll leave some salves for it and no training for a couple of days. Merlin, monitor it carefully as metal cuts and scratches can easily get infected and we don't want you coming down with a fever. Maybe if it causes you discomfort you could take this before bed." He handed Merlin a vial of the dreaded green stuff...

"Maybe you should also check Merlin as he had blood all over his lips."

Gaius spun around but could see by the blush on Merlin's features that it was something between the two of them. "You look fine but I'll see you tomorrow as we have a few things to discuss! Don't get into any more trouble today, the two of you."

Gaius laughed to himself as he walked back to his court physician's quarters. Wherever the princess was and with whomever, it wasn't affecting life in Camelot which just went on as crazy as usual.

Arthur's face was stinging and he couldn't get to sleep. Merlin scooted up in the bed and leaned against the head board, letting Arthur lie in the crook of his arm. He noticed tears on Arthur face and joked, "Don't cry Arthur, you'll still be the most handsome man in Camelot even with a face looking like a door after a cat has been scratching at it."

"I tried so hard to be fair to her. I regretted every night I spent with her but I tried not to let it show. Why did she run away? Am I that awful a person that she couldn't bear to stay here and have a baby?" He dragged his arm across his face, wincing at the pain.

"I'm sure that there must be circumstances which we don't understand. Maybe later on, we'll receive news from Gower which will help explain what happened."

"Do you think she is safe? I heard from Gavin and Romney that she didn't leave alone as her maidservant and Oswain the girl's husband, were also missing as was Gaelen. Maybe they'll turn up but no ransom notes have been received. Romney said that Hansard was not going to tell his wife until she was feeling better but that he had the feeling that the king was not totally surprised that she was missing. I hope that Gaelen is alright, he was a good knight.

"They left her other maidservants at Gower as unless she turns up, we have no need of them here. Do you think that anyone else knew? You'd tell me if you had heard anything. wouldn't you Merlin."

Merlin's head was reeling. He felt that telling Arthur what the princess had told him, was unnecessary at the moment because he knew that should she turn up, Arthur would accept her back. The worse scenario would be if she turned up and was pregnant as only five people would know that the baby might not be Arthur's.

He thought that as strange as it was and so hard to understand, he would have loved to have held Arthur's son. He would have protected him just as he protected Arthur. He smiled and thought, 'Twenty-three years old and I am feeling broody!" He had a sudden flash of Gaius sitting with his little 'grandson' and his tears fell.

Arthur looked up as he sniffed. "Merlin, I would never have left you. My life is so wrapped up in yours that I can never see us as two separate entities, we are one. Don't cry..."

"I'm not crying about that but..." and then he started to cry again and sobbed, "Arthur, I would have loved to have held our baby!"

* * *

><p>Gaius was needless to say, unimpressed by Merlin's totally unprovoked attack on the king. He motioned Merlin to a seat at the table and said, "Whatever went through your head prompting you to do that?"<p>

"He hit Arthur!"

"To attack a king and break his bones is surely a crime punishable by death. Who else was there?"

"Richard..."

"Did he notice anything?"

"No, he was next to Arthur as well."

"You, young man are not going to see your twenty-third year if you act so recklessly."

"...but, Gaius, he hit Arthur."

"He must have felt that he had a plausible reason for so doing."

"As did I, Gaius."

"No Merlin, it was not your quarrel. You were a witness to the fact but to use your magic to injure someone is not acceptable. If I thought that you would stay away, I would send you home to think about your wanton behaviour. What about Arthur, does he know what you did to the king?"

Merlin shook his head but Gaius wanted more information, "Why doesn't he know?"

"I put him into a deep sleep pretending that he had been knocked out."

"I don't know what has happened to the sweet boy who accepted that his magic was something which he lived with and would use only for good."

Feeling that Gaius was letting up a bit, Merlin risked saying, "Maybe, five years in Camelot have wiped away all those ideals."

"Merlin, I couldn't bear to watch you killed. I realise that for the last year, your situation has been difficult and very stressful but promise me that you will think of yourself before losing control and deliberately taking the law into your own hands."

"...but Gaius, he did hit Arthur and at the time, I felt it, every scratch of the metal rings, the scrapes, the pressure and the dislocated nose. I didn't make a choice it was a natural reaction to being hurt."

Gaius could see that Merlin was getting upset, he knew it was wrong but for him, it had been a personal attack and he had retaliated as only he knew how. He'd used magic. "Before you go, promise me that you will never, and I mean never, tell Arthur what you did to the king. It will be something that you will forget as you walk out the door."

Merlin turned but came back and putting his arm on Gaius's shoulders said, "I'm safe in Camelot as long as you are around to watch over me. Thank you..."

Walking back to their chambers, Merlin sadly reflected that he now had two secrets which he was keeping from the man to whom he had promised, that never would he keep anything, no mater how trivial.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 : THE LETTER **

The missing princess was still news among those in the know. Merlin decided that in three months by the time of the winter solstice, or Yuletide as it was known, if no news had been received from the princess, he would consider telling Arthur her story.

But within two months, in mid November, Gaius called him to his chambers telling him that he had received a package from Hunith which contained warm woolen socks for Arthur, Merlin and himself and three notes. He added that there was also another packet for him.

Merlin opened the letter from his mother. It made him feel happy, she was well and the villagers were grateful for the food which Arthur's men had delivered to help them get through the winter. Tosh had added his bit, reminding him that he was now nineteen and he wished to come to Camelot and by the look on Gaius's face, he had also written to him.

Handing him another small packet, Gaius said, "The messenger brought this as well but by the look of it, it has taken a long time to be delivered." It was a letter addressed to Merlin in the care of Gaius, the Court Physician, Camelot. Merlin smiled, he loved surprises and he hoped that this was going to be a good one.

He picked up the socks and Arthur's letter from his Mam, as well as the other little packet and walked back upstairs. Arthur was in a meeting with Romney and Gavin. No news had been heard from the princess and Hansard had been either unwilling or unable to shed any more news on the subject.

He put Arthur's socks and letter on the table and sat in front of the fire to reread his Mam's. The socks were thick and warm probably, payment in wool from a farmer whose baby his Mam had delivered.

He reached for the other packet and opened it. Inside was a note sealed with wax and addressed to him. He broke the seal and read... he sat there stunned, a warm feeling went through him everything was going to be alright. He had nothing to worry about anymore...he could talk without breaking a promise!

Dear Merlin,  
>It is now the end of September and I don't know when you will receive this missive.<br>I do not think that Arthur would want to hear from me, so I hope that you can  
>share this information with him.<p>

The story I told you that day was about me. I have a feeling you realised that!  
>I finally got the courage to go away with Sir Gaelen, the man I love. I am happy<br>living a simple life with him, and our servants, Matty and her dear husband Oswain.

I hope that I did not cause Arthur undue embarrassment by running away. He was  
>always very kind to me. Please, Merlin, look after him. I know he trusts you and<br>thinks a lot of you.

Thank you for being kind and listening to me, it helped.  
>Guinevere<p>

Arthur came back from his meeting and Merlin gave him the socks and together they read both of Hunith's letters. The comments from Tosh were duly noted and Arthur said, "It'll be your sole responsibility to tell him about us..."

"Well, I was hoping that maybe Mam might have touched on that subject. Because the last time we visited, there were no awkward questions. If not, Gaius can have the honour!"

"Merlin, are you ashamed of me?"

"How can you say that?"

"Well then, are you so lacking in confidence that you can't just come out and say, 'I love Arthur!'?"

"...and knowing Tosh, he'd just insist that he loves you as well and we'd be no further ahead!" Merlin leant over and gave him a friendly shove, "After all, I think that a personal proclamation this important should come from the Crown Prince."

"Make a wish, Merlin!" was all Arthur would say blushing ...

Arthur seemed in such a good mood, that Merlin decided to retell the story of the fifteen year old who had fallen in love and was refused permission to marry. He listened and got very involved, telling Merlin, that females did not choose husbands but their parents did and, once married they were then considered the property of the husband and the responsibility of his family till death.

Merlin continued, "...and that was what her father did, he married her to another man but her heart always belonged to her first love and she was brave but so unhappy."

"This sounds like a soppy love story, does it end happily?"

"For both people, I think. Anyway, she always hoped that one day; she would have the courage to run away..."

Arthur suddenly froze.

Merlin continued quietly, "...and one day she did..."

Arthur interrupted, "...it's Guinevere isn't it?"

Merlin snuggled into him and said "Yes..."

"Continue with the story, I might as well feel an utter fool, completely at fault, uncaring and mean spirited."

"You're not...she only spoke well of you."

"Merlin, you knew? You knew and you never told? I thought we agreed, no secrets, no matter how trivial!"

Arthur got up and stomped across the room. Merlin wasn't going to let him get away with those accusations. He stopped and reliving the agony and the fear, turned on him, saying, "Grow up, Arthur. You always see yourself as the victim. How would you have felt if I had come to an arrangement with someone else and left you alone while I spent part of the night with them? Would you have lain awake waiting, hoping that I would return and still love you?

"For once, Arthur, listen to me before jumping to conclusions. We were out riding and she told me the story insisting that it was a distant family member. I was not certain that it was her until..."

"...until?"

Merlin came up behind him and put his arms around Arthur's waist and laid his head on his shoulder, he whispered sweet nothings in his ear and when he felt him relax, he took his hand and led him back to the fire.

He sat down swinging his legs as far back as possible, so that Arthur could sit almost in front of him with his head resting on his chest. "Arthur, you do realise don't you, that you are mine. Regardless of what crazy ideas anyone comes up with, I will never deny you my love. If we could only be together a few days each year, I would keep myself for you alone."

A subdued Arthur mumbled something about feeling the same way. Merlin put his arms around him hugging him closer.

"Today I received a missive, do you want to read it or would you like me to read it to you?"

Arthur was too comfortable to be bothered shifting his position, so he said, "You read it..." He could feel the pulsing of Merlin's heart and hear it beating in his ear.

Merlin read him the missive in its entirety. He looked down but couldn't from his position see Arthur's face.

So, he waited.

After what seemed interminable, Arthur shifted and looked at Merlin, "I'm sorry that she was unhappy and I knew that it was a strain on you. Often I would sit with Gaius, worrying what my absences were doing to you. He explained to me that you had an inner strength which was helping you cope and then you were so kind to her...that I began to wonder if maybe, the marital visits didn't really worry you as your love for me was no longer that strong.

"I hated leaving you; I was worried when I returned that you would not be there or turn away from me, telling me to return to my wife!

"It was your love and acceptance of the whole situation, which kept me going. I was praying that she would become pregnant and then I would be free of any seeming affection. She wasn't a bad person, in other circumstances, I would have like her."

"...but, Solomon..." said Merlin with a wicked grin.

But he got no farther as Arthur grabbed him threatening to throttle him, then kissed him and said, "You may continue..."

"She just couldn't compete with Gaius's compendium and my abilities, could she?"

"Merlin, no one could compete with you in your field of expertise! Talking of which," said Arthur, "I think we've wasted enough time discussing former relationships, let's just concentrate, on ours!"

Merlin knew that Arthur would never have an heir; he would never put him through another year of worrying that their love might not be strong enough to overcome anything so challenging. He allowed Arthur to run his hand through his hair and down his face to his lips. Soon however, the fingers were replaced by lips and Merlin sighed.

Before he lost himself completely to Arthur's ministrations, he thought, 'Thank you, Guinevere, for returning him to me unharmed..."

* * *

><p>To tell or not to tell that was the question! Did the king deserve to know the information which Merlin had shared with him? Would it stop the king from insinuating that his son was not man enough to hang onto a wife?<p>

Merlin had taken the opportunity of presenting the same questions to Gaius. He knew that the king and some of his council blamed Arthur for the sudden disappearance of his princess wife. Would anything be accomplished by allowing the truth to be told?

Merlin on one hand, would have liked to have seen Arthur publicly vindicated but at what expense? What good would it accomplish to wash all of Arthur's dirty laundry in public? Being kind-hearted, Merlin didn't want to drag Arthur's still legally wedded wife and technically the Princess of Camelot though the dirt.

Gaius suggested a meeting with Arthur and Geoffrey. Geoffrey was another soul of discretion and he had been involved with the negotiations. The four of them met in the library late, one wintery afternoon. Merlin could feel for Arthur, being known as a cuckold was not any man's ambition, as it threw doubts about his virility and ability to satisfy a wife.

Geoffrey brought out the mead, some honeybreads and four goblets. "If we're going to have a discussion, we might as well have a little libation!" he joked.

Geoffrey knew all the ins and outs of the contract. He had often marveled how Merlin could have kept a level head over the previous year. It must have been heartbreaking, sharing Arthur.

Arthur handed him the missive which Merlin had received.

Geoffrey wanted to know if King Hansard had had any communication with Arthur.

Arthur said, "No! The only missive received was the one brought back by Romney which you have in your possession along with the pre-nuptial contracts."

The talks carried on until nearly supper when Merlin went to notify kitchen staff that the prince would dine in his chamber with two guests. Gaius and Geoffrey and Arthur made their way to the royal chambers.

The discussions went on and Arthur was now drinking alone. Merlin had stopped after downing the quarter goblet which he had been served, Gaius and Geoffrey had matched each other all afternoon until supper but Arthur still waging war with the pitcher, was winning battle after battle.

Geoffrey stated that he felt that Merlin's missive should be shown to Uther but not the original as it was addressed to Merlin and had references in it, which would result in all sorts of questions. Geoffrey would have Sir Martin make a copy of the important information. Arthur would approach his father with Geoffrey in the capacity of advisor and give him the news.

"I believe that once the information is passed to him, Uther will prefer it kept secret, not wanting it broadcast to all and sundry," Gaius said, "So, I also agreed to the action."

Arthur had nothing to say at that point, as the War of The Mead having been won, he was more interested in Merlin's hand and fingers than he was in the Guinevere Saga.

Gaius stood, "Geoffrey, I think we have outstayed our welcome. Tomorrow will be time enough to plan the regal assault." He looked at Merlin and said, "I think you'll have your hands full tonight with his royal highness. Tell his lordship that we enjoyed supper. Send word down if he needs anything for his head tomorrow."

Merlin disentangled himself from the prince and smiled sheepishly. Taking over the position of host, he thanked Geoffrey and Gaius for their time and for joining them for supper. He saw them to the door explaining that Arthur was more stressed by last year's experiences than anyone realised.

"Well, just get him safely to bed and try to get a good night's sleep yourself," said Gaius and winked.

Merlin blushed, closed and barred the chamber door and thought, 'You couldn't pull the wool over Gaius's eyes!'

* * *

><p>Uther was subsequently notified. Suddenly his opinion changed, Arthur was once again his son and it was all Hansard's fault for foisting on them, an unsuitable wife. Good thing, Hansard had not demanded the return of the substantial dowry as they would have come to blows over that.<p>

Arthur and Geoffrey suggested that the matter should end right there as other kingdoms would love to gossip about the crown prince and the royal family of Camelot.

Uther at one point, wanted to ride on Gower with his knights to defend his son's honour and destroy the king and queen but he did come to his senses and took their advice, closing the book on the matter. He informed anyone bold enough to question the absence of the princess that her mother Queen Bettina was unwell and like a caring daughter, she had with her husband's permission, returned to Gower to be with her. The matter was then considered closed.

Closed it might have been but Arthur always felt a little hurt, that the king had never spoken again about the slap with the gaunlet or the fact that hi son still had a scar on his face. It was taking a long time to fade, however, he benefited from it indirectly as Merlin had told him that it made him look like a war-scarred hero and often, even four months later insisted on kissing it to make it all better!

* * *

><p>Everything settled back to normalcy, well as normal as it ever was living in Camelot. The winter was a hard one but villages and towns were prepared and although livestock mortality was high, the residents of Camelot and its villages far and wide survived.<p>

Gielbert came to Arthur one day and told him that Donatienne and he were going to have a baby. Arthur was thrilled. He knew that the threesome would be a happy family. He wondered if he had been a father, would have been standoffish and non-affectionate like his father. He had never been hugged by the man.

Merlin said, "Arthur, I assure you that anyone who would rescue a little girl and bring her all the way back to Camelot to be raised in a loving family, would have showered any child of his own with love."

"Like Hunith did you?"

"Yes, like my Mam did me and then also Tosh."

"Would I have been different if Igraine had lived?"

"You had the most wonderful person bring you up. Gaius couldn't have loved you anymore than if you had been his. He taught you all the right things and made you grow into the person you are, so that I could have someone special to love."

"Merlin, sometimes you're so full of shit!" said Arthur pushing him down onto the bed.

The wind picked up overnight and by morning the snow was so bad that they couldn't see across the courtyard. It was still early so they lay there and talked.

Arthur often talked about Guinevere, wondering where she was and what Sir Gaelen was doing. Merlin figured that he needed to get it out of his system so he let him talk, commenting as he went along. He often wondered if he would ever hear from her again but could think of no reason why she would want to make contact for in leaving Arthur and Camelot, she had left their lives.

The wind was still buffeting the windows when suddenly something hit it with force. They both jumped. The impact snapped the catch and snow and cold air was now blowing in the open window. Merlin jumped up and made his way across the floor and managed to close it and pushed a chair against it to keep it from flying open again. He closed the curtains to keep out the noise of the wind moaning through the damaged frame.

He heard flapping and went to push the chair closer to the window frame but then realised that the noise was in the chamber, a bedraggled bunch of feathers was flopping on the floor. A bird lost in the storm and carried off course by the wind, had hit their window. Merlin went over and picked up the wet lump and feeling sick, he realised he was holding in his hands a merlin. It was dying and because he was Melin and knowing that a royal chamber was not the place for a dying bird, he wrung its neck. He returned to the window, under the pretence of trying once again to make it more secure and opened it wide enough to drop the body into the courtyard.

Arthur called from the bed, "Merlin, leave the window alone, the staff will fix it later. Come back to bed."

"Just let me put some more logs on the fire. It's really cold in here now." Merlin climbed back into bed and Arthur yelled as he had put his freezing arms around him and his cold feet on him.

"Did you have to do that? You should have given me a warning." A few minutes later, he said, "O.K, now, you can move closer, I'll get you warm in no time."

Merlin shuddered and it wasn't only the cold that made him do it. His mind took over, he lost control of it. It was racing, he was seeing all sorts of things. Horses, travellers, a storm, a bridge, a swollen river, an old tree and a dead bird... He wanted to get to Gaius as he was afraid for him but he was safe, he knew that he was in his chamber even now, probably still asleep.

That bird had represented someone and its dying, well actually his wringing its neck, although the right thing to do was now upsetting him. Arthur was talking to him and he hadn't a clue what he was going on about. He just snuggled into the source of warmth and love saying, "Mmm!"

They slept in late and were awoken by the sounds of children playing. Merlin walked over to the window there was a little drift of snow on the floor. The wind was still fierce but the snow had stopped. The courtyard was a maze of snow drifts and it was the pages supposedly helping the staff clear them which had woken them up. He liked the sound of the children's voices.

He pulled on a dressing gown and house slippers and unlocked the door into the antechamber. Their breakfast platters were inside and he brought them into the main chambers. He put the fruit and cold meats on the table and took the oatmeal to the fire to see if he could warm it in a little pot which Gaius had given them. The arrangement was that their meals were delivered and placed in the antechamber through the exterior door. This was a holdover from their visit to Yewdene when the maids used to leave their food outside their chamber.

Right then and there, Merlin decided that in the spring, Arthur and he would take time off and visit Yewdene. Arthur deserved a rest after a bad six months. Anyway, he wanted to go back to their own manor house.

Before waking Arthur, he boiled some water and mixed up a herbal tea as he didn't himself fancy cold cider.

The castle was all abuzz. Simon who was now a squire dropped by with the news that the king would like to have a meeting that afternoon and requested Arthur's presence at lunch prior to the meeting. Merlin smiled at the young boy, he had come a long way since his run in with that unwelcome and untrustworthy guest Prince Lander or whatever he wanted to be called. No permanent damage seemed to have been done.

Arthur was dressed and ready to go to the king. Merlin mentioned that if Arthur could manage, he would like to visit Gaius to see that he hadn't had any broken windows.

"Merlin, I never heard anyone make such a fuss about a broken latch. Go, if it's so important." Arthur walked across the room but Merlin didn't let him get far when he wrapped his arms around his neck and promised that he would see him in the council chamber for the meeting and later he would have a surprise for him and winked.

Never really trusting Merlin and his brilliant ideas, Arthur went off quite happily to dine with his father with all sorts of wonderful thoughts of Merlin racing through his mind. He remembered the striptease in the council chamber when they were younger and blushed even now thinking of Gaius's applause and Geoffrey's smile as Merlin from behind Uther's chair had showed plainly, how he felt about him. Arthur thought, 'At least in my life, when dealing with Merlin, anticipation had never overshadowed realisation.'


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6: HALF BIRD - HALF ANGEL**

Hurrying down to Gaius's, Merlin told him of the early morning's events. Gaius was surprised that it was a merlin, as he might have expected a crow or even a pigeon. As to the strange thoughts, he suggested that maybe the storm had interrupted a dream that he had been having before the window incident.

Merlin looked at him and said, "Come on Gaius, I'm not a kid any more. That was more than the remnants of a dream. It was too real and too chilling. It was a portent."

"Maybe it was but as all your loved ones are safe, you need not worry."

"...and my Mam and Tosh?"

"If as you say it was an omen of death, if it had been Hunith or Tosh, it would have been clearer to you. Relax, let me make you something to drink. How about we both have mulled cider drink with our lunch?" He smiled, "A lunch which I had the foresight of ordering. You can then check some of the books and see what you find."

Gaius was not entirely satisfied that it didn't tie in with Merlin but he could see that worrying him any further would solve nothing. "What did Arthur say about the falcon?"

"He didn't know. I put it out the window once it was dead."

"One day, all those scenes will come together and the mystery will be solved, meanwhile, eat up while the stew is still hot."

* * *

><p>...and the mystery was solved one day in the early spring. Arthur was dressed ready for luncheon meeting with the Squire Master and Sir Rupert regarding the senior squires who would be candidates for the knighthood in three months. A page knocked at the royal chambers and asked if Merlin might go to Gaius who would like to see him. Arthur told him to go and he'd see him after his meeting. Merlin decided to take a break from sorting seasonal clothes and went downstairs to Gaius's.<p>

Gaius was not alone. He had a stranger huddled in front of his fire. Merlin hesitated but Gaius said, "Merlin, come in this involves you as well."

Merlin sat at the table. The man sitting there was silent. Merlin didn't recognise him from where he was sitting but saw that he was warmly dressed with a long, brown, cloak reminiscent of the red ones worn by the knights of Camelot. He sported long hair and a full beard. He wasn't a beggar but had a haggard look about him. He was hunched over the fire like an elderly man.

Gaius spoke first, "Merlin, I have some news which concerns Arthur."

For a second Merlin thought, '...but he's fine, I just left him on his way to a meeting.' Then he realised Gaius meant that it involved Arthur but not as of that moment.

The figure in front of the fire turned toward Merlin and he saw that he was a stranger but upon further scrutiny realised that he recognised the eyes but couldn't place them. He racked his mind, 'Was it someone Gaius and he knew from years ago?'

The stranger nodded and in a flash, a cold hand grabbed his heart, as he recognised Sir Gaelen. 'Why was he here...to cause trouble again?'

"Gaelen has something to tell you." Gaius said, "I will let him tell the story."

"I'm sorry, Merlin, to be the bearer of bad news but the Princess Guinevere died following a fall. We were traveling to Gower as she wanted to return to her family, even though I am sure they wouldn't have accepted her back. We were being so careful of her but there was a massive oak near the bridge which we were crossing and a limb broke off, her horse shied and Guinevere fell into the river. Oswain and I got her out but...

Merlin waited for him to continue.

...Merlin, she was pregnant!"

Sitting at the table, Gaius glanced at Merlin. The portent was being explained. He knew the whole story and was hoping that Gaelen could continue as he preferred that the news came directly from him. He knew that Merlin would be upset but he had faith that he would hear Gaelen out and not walk out on them.

Merlin was forcing his mind to slow down and listen carefully, to not only the words but the intonations of the speaker. There was more to this and he wondered if he wanted to be involved. He heard himself say, "You must have been happy..." He wanted Gaius to say something but he remained silent, causing Merlin even more stress.

"When were left here to go to Gower; we had no intention of running away. Guinevere often spoke about it but it made no sense. We had nowhere to go and it just wasn't considered a sensible thing to do. She was happy enough living in Camelot and I could keep an eye on her.

"But when we were on the way, her spirits lifted and once again she began discussing the possibility of being together forever." Gaelen stopped and brushed away his tears. "One night, we sneaked away from the campsite and didn't look back. Oswain and his wife Matty accompanied us and by morning we were well gone.

"Everything seemed great but Guinevere was keeping something from me. She was already two months pregnant. She was so happy and healthy that I put it behind me and tried to forget about it. Her maid knew and the three of us, had this cloud over out heads. Oswain, bless his soul, was obliviously and when it became apparent, he was full of congratulations but, for the two of us.

"She was well and so happy, I had a job as a mercenary and everything was wonderful. The closer Guinevere got to having the baby, she started to talk about going home to her mother. It was when we were on the road that the accident happened. Matty tried as hard as she could but the baby, a little boy, was determined to be born."

Merlin felt sick. Arthur had been the father of a baby which they would never see or hold. Merlin felt his insides seize up and he knew that there were tears on his cheeks. He glanced at Gaius, who put his fingers to his lips and whispered, "Shh!"

There was silence. Gaelen took a huge breath and continued. "The fall must have hurt the baby. It was born but it never was strong...Guinevere never recovered and died. She asked me to get in touch with you...she wanted Arthur to have his son."

Gaelen by this time was difficult to understand, he was talking in two different tenses and Merlin was confused. What did he hope to accomplish coming here bearing such sad news? Better he had never set foot in Camelot.

Merlin finally spoke up, "Why bring us all this sad news? No one needs to know the story of a dead heir and its dead mother. The two of you caused enough trouble running away and now you are awakening memories which I would rather you didn't."

Gaius put his hand on Merlin's shoulder and silenced him. The room was too hot and stuffy. He wanted to get out into the open air and breath. Get away from memories of Arthur being in someone else's bed, of having to share their love with a third person. He stood to leave but Gaius held his arm.

"Hear him out, Merlin..."

"I don't know who to turn to for help. Please, Merlin help me..."

"I owe you nothing!" snapped Merlin.

Gaius intervened, "Gaelen, get to the point!"

"The baby is still alive but it won't make it."

Merlin launched himself at the man and it was only Gaius's hand on his arm that stopped him from smashing Gaelen in the face with a mug.

"You idiot! You fool! I have been wasting my time here with you when Arthur's baby is somewhere with strangers, possibly dying. For the God's sake, Man, tell me, where is he?"

Gaius spoke up, "You needed to hear the story to understand that Arthur is a father. Gaelen, take us to the baby."

Three figures made their way down through the lower town to The Unicorn and in an upper chamber, Merlin for the first time saw the little baby which belonged to Arthur and him. He stood beside the basket, tears streaming down his face and turned to Gaius and said with a sob, "Gaius, please do something. You can, I know you can."

Gaius shook his head. "I can't, he's too weak and probably had internal injuries." He walked over, picked up the little baby boy and handed it to Merlin.

Merlin felt jolts of distant electricity surge through his being as he held Arthur's child. He heart was beating too fast and and he saw the future. The little basket floating away as he stood with the father and the only grandfather, the little one would ever know. He blinked and looked down at the practically bald bundle with blue eyes.

Matty walked forward with a thick soft blanket and said, "Sir, please take him to the Prince, Guinevere would have wanted it." Merlin handed the baby back to her and she wrapped him in the blanket returning him to him. He opened his jacket and nestled the little body next to his heart and taking Gauis's arm, the three of them slowly made their way back to the physician's quarters.

Merlin realised that was why Gaius's chambers were so hot. He was awaiting the arrival of the baby. He confessed that he had examined the little baby boy in the Inn earlier in the day and tried to explain to Merlin if the baby lasted through the night, it would be a miracle.

Gaius took the little bundle and sent Merlin to get Arthur. "Tell him! I'll vouch for the age of the baby. It is full term and could not possible by Gaelen's which would have at the earliest been born in late June."

"I know for certain that he is Arthur's too, as I felt it as soon as I held him." Merlin smiled sadly, "His life might be weak but it is Arthur's spirit that is running through him. I tingle when I touch him as I do when Arthur touches me."

Merlin took off and found Arthur in their chambers going over papers. He walked over to him and hugged him. "Arthur, I have something very important to tell you and all I want you to do, is not question me but listen until I have finished speaking and then come with me..."

Trying to state only the necessary facts, Merlin told Arthur what Gaelen had told him, adding what Gaius had said about the baby's age.

Arthur was shocked, he kept shaking his head, "No! It isn't possible..."

"Yes! It is, she was pregnant before leaving last August, her maid will confirm that. Gaelen knows and is not claiming the child."

"Where is he? Who has him?"

"Gaius..." But Arthur was already out of the door and Merlin had to move quickly to keep up with him. He didn't stop until he reached Gaius's door and then he stopped dead, seeming to have no desire to open the door, afraid of what he would see, not trusting his emotions to help him face what was on the other side.

Merlin putting his arm around his waist, leant over lifted the latch and escorted the father into the room to see for the first time the little boy he had sired.

Geoffrey sat in the corner sketching, as Gaius sat holding the baby on his knee in front of the fire as he had often done with his newborn Arthur. He had tears in his eyes, as he told the little one, what a wonderful father he had and how proud he would be of him. He looked up when Arthur walked in.

Arthur could hardly believe his eyes, that little perfectly formed baby was a part of him. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he knelt beside Gaius and carefully reached out a finger and touched his son. The baby reacted to the touch but was too weak to make any noise.

"Why? Why hadn't she returned before and then maybe the baby would be well and strong?" Arthur knew little about babies except that they cried and were rather demanding. His baby was doing neither. He glanced at Merlin who smiled and put his arm on his shoulder and squeezed it.

Gaius handed the baby to Merlin who at least knew how to hold it and insisted that Arthur sit in front of the fire and then he would give him the baby to hold.

Merlin made him take off his jacket as the room was so warm, he then leant over and said, "Arthur my love, meet your little baby boy..."

Gaius's eyes filled with tears, he looked at his almost-son's face and realised what a father's love was all about. Love, tenderness and pride chased each other across Arthur's face as he looked at the little baby boy in his arms.

Gaius moved away, leaving the two of them with the baby. He couldn't help them, as nothing he could do would prolong the little one's life but he could at least leave them alone with their son. Merlin looked up as Gaius left so he whispered, "Geoffrey and I have a few things to do, look after both of them, Merlin."

Merlin nodded at Geoffrey and glanced at the sketch book and said, "Thank-you..."

The room became quiet only the crackling of the fire and the intermittent unsteady breaths of the baby.

Merlin was surprised to see that it had become dark. He glanced at Arthur who hadn't moved since being given the baby, he was mesmerised by him. Every now and again, he would touch his tiny cheek and smile.

Merlin had accepted the fact that their time together would be short but his mind was playing tricks, he could see himself chasing a blonde child along the corridors, lifting him in the air and holding him in front of him as he rode Gidun. He knew it wouldn't be but he couldn't stop his heart from hoping.

Gaius returned with extra blankets saying, "A fire has been lit in your chambers and it will soon be warm enough for you to take him home. But first, I think that we should have a meal together the four of us, here in the same chamber where I brought you, Arthur, as a newborn. Have you chosen a name for him yet?"

Looking at Merlin, Arthur said, "Should we?"

Merlin said, "I think he deserves to have his own name and as his father, you shall choose the name for the newest Prince of Camelot."

Arthur looked at the little baby and then at Gaius. "Years ago, when I was eleven years old, I decided after meeting a dark-haired boy that when I had a son, I would call him Merlin. That was twelve years ago and even now although the love of my life is called Merlin, with his permission I would like to call our baby Merlin."

Merlin felt as if every nerve on his skin stood on end, their little boy would be Merlin.

Arthur turned to Merlin and said, "Is that alright with you?" Merlin could only nod but Arthur wasn't finished, "I now want you to choose a name for him. He is so little and will be here with us for such a short time that I think he needs two names."

Merlin looked at the man who had stood beside him when he got into all sorts of difficulties, who had not shied away when he told him that he loved Arthur and said, with a smile, "Arthur, can his second name be Gaius?"

"So it shall be. I want you, Gaius, to hold and love your almost-grandson, the Prince Merlin Gaius of Camelot."

As Gaius took him, the baby suddenly gasped. Merlin turned to Gaius and said "Is he alright?"

"He's just having problems breathing but that is to be expected"

There was a tap on the door and Merlin answered it. Supper had arrived.

No one paid much attention to the food they were eating as, although they were hungry, they only had eyes for the baby.

Gaius got out a pitcher of mead and solemnly poured three portions. Lifting his goblet, he said, "To the newest Prince of Camelot. May he always remain in our hearts and minds." The other two drank the toast and so the custom of 'wetting the baby's head' was carried out away from the hustle and bustle of the castle.

Following supper, Gaius sat holding the baby as Arthur and Merlin put on their jackets and prepared to take their son back to their chambers. Merlin had quietly asked Gaius what to expect, and Gaius had said that the baby's breathing would become erratic and would finally stop. "Just hold him, he'll feel your arms and knows that he is loved." Merlin sniffed and nodded.

Gaius kissed the baby and little Merlin was then wrapped up and put in Arthur's jacket close to his heart. Merlin draped a blanket over his shoulder and around his chest for extra warmth. Arthur turned to Gaius saying, "Thank you for all you have done," and walked into the corridor with his son.

Gaius hugged Merlin and said, "Be brave, you can do it. Help Arthur, it will be a difficult night for the two of you but I have every confidence in you."

True to his word, their bedchamber was warm and cosy like Gauis's. Merlin held the baby as Arthur got undressed putting on his woolen dressing gown and house shoes.

Merlin said, "See Little Baby Boy, how clever your Father is...he can get undressed all by himself!"

Arthur smiled as Merlin handed him the baby. Arthur looking at his son said, "See how clever Big Merlin is, he can also do the same!"

It was the hardest thing to talk without bursting into tears. The tears were waiting to fall but each one tried to be brave for the other. Arthur said, "He's beautiful isn't he? I don't think I have ever seen such a lovely child."

For a brief second, Merlin wanted to giggle as he doubted that Arthur had ever seriously looked at a baby in his life. He loved this new Arthur, fatherly and caring. The strangest thing was that he experienced not one iota of jealously sharing Arthur's love with little Merlin. The best thing would be sharing this wonderful news...but no, there would be no sharing with anyone. He would certainly tell his Mam but there would be no celebrating as his short life would probably be over and they would greedily want to keep it to themselves as sharing it would feel like pieces of it were being taken from them.

Merlin knelt on the floor at Arthur's knees and watched the baby's little face, trying to see similarities to his father. He'd scrunch up his forehead and his eyelids would flutter. "Arthur, he's got your forehead and little eyebrows." Every now and again, the baby would gasp for breath. Merlin took Arthur's little finger and wound the baby's fingers around it. Arthur's eyes flashed up to Merlin's as he felt the slight pressure of his son holding onto him.

Arthur then asked Merlin to do the same with his own finger and the two of them were held together by a little four day old. "He's so clever isn't he?" Arthur said and Merlin leaned forward and kissed the little hand.

Arthur was fascinated with his little feet. He removed his bootees to count all his little toes, then replaced them. "Do you think Guinevere had all his baby clothes ready like Igraine had mine?"

"I'm sure she did. She probably was so excited that he was going to be born soon."

The sentries announced midnight and Merlin suggested that they move across to the bed. Arthur gave him the baby and he wrapped it up and carried it over. Arthur pulled down the sheets, removed the warming pans and slid it. Merlin handed him the baby and he put him in the crook of his arm.

They lay there, each one conscious of the laboured breaths of the little one. Merlin took the baby in his arms and held him on his chest. Arthur gazed at the two people whom he loved most in the world and smiled, "I'll remember this night forever!"

"I don't think either of us will ever forget him because he is so special. I'm glad Gaius got to see and hold him, it was only right."

It was a full moon and the silvery light shone into the room, Merlin had been regularly banking the fire to keep the room warm. He returned to bed and Arthur gave him the baby for a while. He noticed a difference in the baby's breathing pattern. His breaths were getting further apart. He felt for the pulse in his neck which he had been able to find earlier on and realised it was almost non-existent, he knew that the tingling feeling was also dying.

He turned to Arthur with tears in his eyes and whispered. "It's time, Arthur. Put him on your chest, I want the last thing he feels and hears to be your heartbeat."

Merlin leant over and whispered, "God bless, Baby Merlin!"

...and so as the moonlight crept across the floor to their bed, one little but much loved soul left for heaven...

* * *

><p>The following day, Merlin notified Leon that Arthur wished to see him in his chambers after breakfast.<p>

Mid morning, Gaius, Merlin, Arthur, Geoffrey and Leon rode to the lake. It was a somber journey. Merlin carrying a basket, Arthur unable to say two words coherently. They dismounted and Merlin collected pine needles and small branches while Arthur held his son. Merlin filled the basket with pine boughs and needles, then placed the baby's body on them with some kindling.

Sir Leon raised his sword and said, "For the love of Camelot and Prince Merlin Gaius!" Gaius, Geoffrey and Merlin answered but Arthur was overcome, Gaius gripping his elbow to steady him.

Merlin took the basket, wading knee deep into the freezing water and holding his hand over the baby's head said, "_In pulvis, restitueris!."_ He sent the basket further out onto the lake and the flames enveloped it leaving a plume of smoke to rise skyward. He returned blinded by tears to the shore and Leon stepped forward and put his arm around his shoulders.

Arthur gasped and Gaius held him, hugging him as he had when he was a little boy.

Gaius, Geoffrey and Leon turned and walked up the beach.

Arthur stood at the water's edge, Merlin standing slightly behind him, he reached back his hand and pulled Merlin forward to stand beside him. Merlin said whispered mostly to himself, "He will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun and hold you in the palm of His hand..." *

Eventually, they walked back to join the others, mounted and rode home, to Camelot...

* * *

><p>* Psalm 91<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 : OPEN MY HEART AND YOU WILL SEE**

Geoffrey and Gaius sat in the library discussing the mess in which Arthur had found himself. His legal wife was dead, his son was dead. If he told the king, he would want him to remarry. King Hansard and wife would need to be notified of their daughter's death. No mention need ever be made of the baby. It would stay a secret among them and Sir Gaelen, Guinevere's maid and manservant.

Gaius agreed that the decision was up to Arthur and they both felt that the probably outcome would be his mentioning nothing about his wife and therefore being protected from the king's insistence that he produce an heir. This would also protect Merlin from any further upset and stress.

Geoffrey walked across to his desk and picked up a foolscap of sketches. He put them on the table in front of Gaius and said that he had to get something. Gaius was left alone and for the longest time just stared at the vellum cover. He took a deep breath and opened it looking at the sketches done by Geoffrey when the baby boy was in his chamber.

The first sketch showed Gaius with the baby on his lap. It took his breath away. Geoffrey had captured his emotion in holding Arthur's son.

The second sketch had Arthur on his knees beside him, his hand touching the baby.

The third sketch had Arthur holding his son, seeped in concentration, the fire highlighting his features and the baby's size.

The fourth had Merlin standing, Prince Merlin clasped in his hands the baby's head cuddled under his chin. It was Merlin's face which made Gaius catch his breath, Geoffrey somehow had caught the magic and mystery in Merlin's eyes. It was a portrait that would last forever as an example of a man protecting a completely dependant child yet reflecting the knowledge that one day this baby might also protect him. It was beautiful.

The fifth sketch showed Arthur and Merlin standing at the water's edge, the lake seemed bare but there is a slightly dark haze in the centre.

He realised that Geoffrey had returned and was standing next to him with goblets and a pitcher of mead. He sat and Gaius just shook his head, blown away by the compassion and gift that his friend possessed. Geoffrey sat and smiled, "Not right now, but one day, I will give these sketches to Arthur and Merlin. The one of you and Baby Merlin, I did just for you."

Gaius said, "Geoffrey, they are beautiful. Something which I know Arthur will appreciate. Look how much he loved your sketch of Igraine."

"I know, but he was what fifteen, when he received it? I would like you to show them to Merlin first. Arthur needs time to grieve before being bombarded by images. But I have done a composite that I want you to critique."

Geoffrey handed him a rough sketch of Arthur seated in a chair in his own chambers holding the baby but this time Merlin is kneeling by him touching the child. It is a replica of the sketch of Gaius and Arthur when Arthur had first walked into the room. There was another sketch of Gaius, with Arthur kneeling and Merlin standing with his hand on Arthur's shoulder. It just pulled at Gaius's heart strings and he realised that, the old fool that he was, he was crying.

Geoffrey said, "Come on Gaius, drink up we have so much to be thankful for. We were part of a little miracle, which none of us will forget."

* * *

><p>Merlin was dealing with Arthur. He had been so distraught following the cremation that he had returned to his chambers and Merlin had got him into his dressing gown and wrapped him in a blanket and pulled their special chair closer to the fire and left him daydreaming. Every so often he would gasp,"Why? Merlin, why?"<p>

Merlin sat beside him, holding his hands and said nothing. There was no answer to that question and their feelings were too raw to get into any discussion of life and death eventualities. Merlin had asked Sir Leon to notify Uther that Arthur was unwell and Gaius had recommended a few days in his chambers to recuperate. "Tell him, it's nothing serious, that a couple of days' special care wouldn't cure."

Arthur was cosseted and cared for but in return he was sapping Merlin's energy. Gaius dropped by and sent Merlin to get some medication from his chambers. He talked quietly to Arthur and asked him if he might send Leon to stay with him as he had something he wanted Merlin to do. Arthur was in no condition to think it out and he nodded.

Leon arrived and Gaius marched Merlin down to his chambers. Merlin never shut up. He went over everything again. He accused himself of having caused the death of the baby because he had wrung the neck of the merlin. Gaius stopped that train of thought immediately. "The falcon was dying, you had only released it from its pain."

"But he was called Merlin!"

"And so are you! Maybe it was a portent to show how important you are going to be in Arthur's life."

"But the bridge and the tree and the swollen river... Gaius, I keep thinking that the river represented the pregnant Guinevere...the bridge, her marriage contract which joined two kingdoms and the tree was her love for Gaelen which was her downfall. Where do I come in?"

"The falcon, Merlin, that could represent you and how you would willingly give your own life to save Arthur's..."

Merlin was quiet. Gaius knew that unlike Arthur, he was quite capable at the moment of following a line of thought.

He looked up and said, "How can it hurt so much? We only had him for twelve hours yet he wormed his way into my heart and his death has left a hole. Arthur is so out of it that he couldn't possibly leave his room. He makes no sense and it is like talking to a brick wall. Will he be alright?"

"In a little while, however I think that being told from the time you are a child, that your duty to the kingdom is to produce an heir, has a lot to do with his feelings at the moment. He is torn between the shock of finding out that he had a son with whom he bonded and who was then ripped out of his life and the fact that he fulfilled his duty but with nothing to show for it. In the condition in which he is currently, it is causing him great anguish. With time, he will differentiate between the two and come to accept the sad circumstances."

Gaius looked at the young man, Hunith's gifted son, with whom he had also bonded and said, "...and you Merlin. How are you taking it?"

"It's really nothing to do with me!" Being brave was not uncommon to Merlin, but he took one look at Gaius's kind face and his own face crumbled.

Gaius put his arms around him as he sobbed. "I can't cry in front of Arthur as he needs me to be strong. But, Gaius, I so wanted to have a little baby and this baby was the closest that I will ever come to having one. I wanted to look after him, to listen to him using baby talk, to teach him to ride...to watch his eyes widen when I made things appear and disappear..." He brushed away the tears and continued, "There is a vortex in my mind that is sucking in all the wonderful things of the world. There are no longer any colours; I have been left with just greys and whites.

"Arthur pulls away if I try to touch him. He wants to be alone but that hurts so much. I need him to hold me and tell me, that one day we will be happy again."

Gaius looked at the man whom many people would be thrilled to have in their lives and realised that only one person could make Merlin really feel secure about the baby's death and that person at the moment was in no condition to do it.

"One day, he will, Merlin. One day!"

...and as the days passed, Arthur did lose the glazed look in his eyes. He began to take interest in things.

He had not touched Merlin since the baby's death. He avoided any accidental touching as he was being dressed. He knew from the look in Merlin's eyes that he needed to be held and kissed but he couldn't. He'd turn away from him when he spoke to him and they lay beside each other in bed like alabaster effigies of a lord and his lady on a table tomb, a monument to a deceased love.

Merlin's love for Arthur was very much alive. However, Arthur's was held captive by an inability to accept that allowing himself to once again show Merlin that he loved him, would not result in his losing him.

* * *

><p>Merlin wasn't doing well and it was Gawaine's appearance that was a catalyst. He came roaring into town one evening and looked up Gaius. Gaius invited him for supper while he was still <em>compos mentis<em> before he set off for his usual tour of the inns and alehouses. He told him that Arthur and Merlin were having troubles and that he was slightly worried about Merlin.

Gawaine quickly offered to go and straighten Arthur out but Gaius preferred a more subtle approach. He asked Gawaine to have a chat with Merlin and get to the crux of the problem. Gaius waylaid a page and sent him to the royal chamber to ask Merlin to come down to his chambers. He then left knowing that Merlin would talk with Gawaine.

Sitting in front of the fire, having a cider which Gaius had kindly given him, Gawaine was shocked when he saw Merlin. He'd lost weight, his eyes were dull and his general bearing was one of neglect. Merlin stepped into the room and when he saw that Gawaine was there, he made to leave but Gawaine was fast and grabbed his arm, hanging on and drawing him back into the room.

He wrapped his arms around him and held him until he had finished struggling and was quiet. The hold lessened into a hug and finally Gawaine plonked him in a chair in front of the fire. He kept a hold of his wrist until he could feel that he was relaxed.

"Alright, out with it! What have you been doing to yourself? You're a bag of bones, look at yourself."

"So, I've been working hard and I've lost some weight!"

"...and what's he been doing?"

"Nothing!"

"Obviously more than nothing. Where is the happy outgoing Merlin that I last saw at Gielbert's wedding?

"Honestly, Gawaine, I haven't changed. It's still me. Anyway, what are you doing in Camelot?"

"Checking up on all the beautiful girls and the pretty boys by the look of it..." He stopped and smiled at Merlin. "You've obviously had a falling out with his royal nuisance. So, tell me, why haven't you had the fun of making up yet?"

Gawaine realised that he had hit a sore spot, when Merlin cast his eyes down and said, "Because he doesn't want to..."

"So, there are a lot of people in Camelot who would be only too willing to take you under their wing. Leave him...start a new romance...make some other knight happy."

Merlin shook his head. "I don't want anyone else in my life just Arthur."

"Well then you're not doing a great job of convincing him are you. Sell yourself! Make him realise that life isn't worth living unless you are beside him day and night! What caused the problem?"

Merlin swallowed, "Something horrendous happened that was very sad and personal and he hasn't even held me since then? I know he still cares for me as we are still sharing the royal chamber but he seems unable to make the first move and if I try to, even by just smiling, he turns and walks away."

"How long?"

"A month at least. I think he's about to say something as he gets a determined look on his face but then he shuts down. Gaius knows and tells me it will take time and one day, he will want to love me again."

Gawaine's heart went out to Merlin and if Arthur had walked in right then and there, he would have smacked him one, crown prince or not! "Merlin, could I go and speak to Arthur. Would that help?"

For the first time since he had walked into the chamber, Merlin's face cracked a suspicion of a smile, "Gawaine, if Arthur knew that I had been speaking to you, he would be very disappointed in me. In his eyes, you are the big bad wolf and I am little Red Riding Hood..."

Gawaine was happy to see that Merlin at least still had his warped sense of humour. Arthur needed to be made to open his eyes and see what was happening to their relationship. How anyone could withhold their love from Merlin, Gawaine would never understand!

* * *

><p>Gaius unbeknownst to either Merlin or Gawaine was in the royal bedchamber pleading Merlin's cause. "Arthur, how long do you think you can keep Merlin in this limbo. Take a look at him, the spark has gone out of him and he is sad. He experienced the same sadness that you did, you know that! He wanted that little baby to live and for the two of you to have a son but it wasn't to be, why are you blaming him?"<p>

"I'm not!"

"Well, then what exactly are you doing? You will finally drive him away. People cannot live without love. Merlin is surviving because he has the support and affection of Geoffrey, me and the other knights. Put yourself in his position."

"I am in his position!"

"You are not! You have all the power, you could run him out of Camelot with one word to your father. At the moment, he is only your manservant. You make a mockery of having him in your bed at night, he's not been brought up to be cold and uncaring. He needs to be loved and if you are unwilling to love him. Let him go...let him find someone who appreciates him for the wonderful person he is. Tell him you no longer want his love and that you wish no longer to be friends, release him as you would a butterfly caught in a window."

Gaius looked at Arthur and realised that he had broken through the shell of grief which was still encasing his heart. He'd put his head in his hands and he was crying.

"Gaius, I'm scared to love him."

"Why? Waiting for you is the young man who would do anything for you and who has shown you that for the last five years."

"He'll never forgive me as I have driven him away."

"Has he left you? Is he still your manservant? Does he spend every night within easy reach? Stop punishing him. You two were such good friends. The friendship is still there but you have pushed it away. Open you heart and let him in again. Together, you will be able to better face everything that has happened."

Arthur nodded, "...and if he doesn't want me?"

"I might be an old man, but I'm not a fool. If Merlin doesn't want you, I'll give him one of my special potions which will open his eyes wide to the irresistible charms of Arthur Pendragon and you will be having to fend off his amorous advances."

Arthur smiled and Gaius could see the old Arthur. There had been a problem, he wasn't sure but he hoped that his little intervention might open the door to a friendly reunion.

* * *

><p>Gawaine tried to persuade Merlin to join him for an evening of drunken debauchery as he laughingly referred to it. However, Merlin begged off saying, that there were many knights who would be quite happy to join him and that Arthur would expect him to be with him.<p>

"Burst into the room, tell him you love him, you can't possibly live without him and hug him until he realises it."

Merlin grinned sadly, "If only it were that easy..."

...but it actually turned out to be just that.

Merlin walked up the stairs passing Gaius who was hurrying along with vials and pouches. He said, "Come by for a chat, tomorrow afternoon."

Merlin nodded, "Alright! Good night, Gaius!" He continued up one more flight of stairs and turned into the corridor and made his way to the chamber door and paused. Dare he do what Gawaine had suggested? He wanted to but at what cost, being pushed away was more that he could cope with.

Suddenly the door opened and Arthur was standing there, a worried look on his face which turned into a look of relief with a slight smile, "I was worried. Where were you?"

Merlin's face broke out in a grin. Arthur was back! He was standing in front of him smiling and Merlin didn't think , he just walked straight into his welcoming arms.

"We're not staying here. Come on..." Merlin grabbed his hand and fished the key off the hook behind the door. The two of them walked quickly down the hall to the little dead end corridor and Arthur pulled back the curtain and they were alone.

"Please, Merlin, let me..."

Merlin shook his head and unlocked the door then closed and locked it behind them. He lit the torch at the bottom of the stairs and turned pinning Arthur's hands above his head and slowly and deliberately kissed him.

He then suddenly took off running up all the turret steps until he reached the chambers where he threw open the door. The fire was lit and candles were on the table. There were goblets and what was possibly a pitcher of wine and in the centre was a little bowl of primroses. The windows were open and the last traces of sunset was still visible over the hills.

Arthur stood in shock, he thought, 'How had Merlin known? Had Gaius told him that he was going to talk to him?'

Merlin seeing the surprised look on his face confessed. "For the last two weeks, I have come here late every afternoon to prepare this room for us, hoping that we would be coming here. I was determined to wait because I knew that I could never leave you. I was going to wait until the day you gave me a clue... What happened to us Arthur? I needed you so much. I never stopped loving you but it was getting me down..."

Arthur took Merlin's face in his hands and kissed his forehead, then the tip of his nose and finally his lips.

Merlin whispered, "Gently, Arthur, I need..." but he got no further.

* * *

><p>There was once again a full moon. Arthur had got up and closed the window as it was beginning to get chilly and he threw another log on the fire, before coming back to bed.<p>

"I love seeing you work, it makes me realise that all my years as a royal manservant have not been wasted as you have learned quite a few things from my excellent example."

Arthur snuggled into him, "...and a few other things as well!"

"What happened, Arthur?"

"I was so scared after loosing the baby. I was worried that if I loved you too much, you would also die and I would be alone."

Merlin pushed himself up on his elbow, putting his arms on either side of his most beloved prince, he kissed him and then ran his teeth up and down his neck.

Arthur reminded him that he had to attend a council meeting tomorrow and that bruises would be very difficult to explain. Merlin laughed and nipped him anyway...

By the time the moon had made its journey across the sky, one occupant of the turret room was fast asleep, and Merlin cuddling into Arthur whispered, "Finally!" before letting himself drift off...


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 : ESCORTING A DUKE**

Arthur woke early the next morning. He'd forgotten how comforting it was to have Merlin's arm over him. He propped up his head and looked around their turret room which was filled with so many happy memories.

He looked at the window trying to figure the time but it was overcast and the sun's shadow was absent. His eyes flickered to the table and he saw the pot of primroses. Merlin was an incurable romantic. He thought of the times when primroses had played an important part in their lives. How could such an insignificant plant, found growing along the ditches and hedgerows of the kingdom, carry such a forceful message, 'I can't live without you!'

Merlin stirred and Arthur snuggled back down into his embrace. There was no hurry to get up, it was nice just lying there, imagining...

The sun was finally shining by the time, Merlin got up. He insisted that he was going to be daring and go downstairs to the antechamber to bring up their breakfast.

"...and if you get caught by the patrol. How would you explain disappearing behind a curtain with breakfast platters?"

"You weren't hungry but I was famished and I was going to scoff it all in secret?"

"As if that would fly! But then you have lost a lot of weight, so maybe someone would believe you. How did it happen? Look, I can see you hips and ribs quite clearly."

Merlin thought, 'Gawaine would say, tell him!' "Well, I was worried..."

"Why, what do you ever have to worry about?"

"You!"

Arthur's face dropped. He had been responsible for the weight loss because of his thoughtlessness. He felt sick. Why hadn't he seen it? But then he remembered how he had treated Merlin over the last month. He hadn't made eye contact and certainly hadn't checked him out as he was doing now.

"I'm sorry. My mind was so preoccupied with someone else."

Merlin returned and sat on the edge of the bed. "We were both preoccupied and why not. We were in shock. Life seemed to have left us behind and we were floundering to the surface but getting nowhere fast."

"You, really wanted little Merlin to live didn't you?"

"Arthur, it was one of the things that I would think about when I lay by myself in bed, waiting, hoping that you would return from Guinevere's room. That the forced separation would all be worthwhile, if one day, you would have let me hold your son or daughter.

"And, you did. You were so generous with him. You gave me the chance to know how my Mam felt when she had me and how Igraine must have felt when she first saw you. Then I thought of all the men who lose their sons, not all newborns, some toddlers or even teenagers, others adults in battles, and I realised that our ability to mourn is directly related to our ability to love.

"I'm not sounding girlie, am I Arthur?"

"No Merlin, you are just sounding like the special man without whom my whole life is pointless. It is in loving Gaius and you, that I was able to love Little Merlin. I will never regret grieving his death, as his being with us that night was worth all the tears and grief over the last couple of weeks."

"I love you Arthur Pendragon, Prince of Camelot!"

"...and I love you Merlin, best friend and only love interest of said Arthur Whatever-His-Name."

Breakfast was never brought up to the chamber, but Merlin and Arthur did get down to their royal chambers for lunch. They were both starving and every time Merlin stretched over for another piece of bread or cheese, Arthur smiled across at him. He thought, 'I'll make sure that he eats.'

There was a knock on the door and a subdued Gielbert walked in, but when he saw their faces and the smiles, he became relaxed and thought, 'Thank God...' He said, "The king was wondering if you were joining us this afternoon. He wants a group of knights to meet up with and escort the Duke of Locksly to the castle. Something to do with the elderly Duke, as he has no heirs..."

Merlin's stomach clenched and he sneaked a quick glance at Arthur but he had on his down-to-business face and although he had clenched his fists, gave no other indication of how the words had affected him. His mind went back to what they were talking about.

Gielbert continued, "...wanting to form an alliance with Camelot. Then upon his death, his holdings will by law belong to Camelot. Seems the duchy is large and favourable so once Sir Rupert came back from visiting with him, and gave the king all the information this meeting, was arranged."

Arthur was much brighter. "Sounds great! Time I got out of this place. Merlin you'll come too. An outing without fighting or hunting would do you good. What time are we leaving?"

Merlin dressed Arthur with a light heart. He was twice reminded about his wandering hands but they still made it to the courtyard as their horses were arriving with their grooms. Mulgan danced impatiently as Arthur mounted. Merlin had to stop to have a word with Gidun before mounting him.

Arthur said, "Excuse me, but was that a morsel of royal bread, I just saw disappearing into your horse's mouth?"

"Well, he likes me to bring him treats, he'll even eat sprouts because he knows they are good for him not like someone else I know!"

"You, Merlin, are going to be the death of me!"

"Don't say that, Arthur, even fooling. I could never live if due to some action of mine you were hurt, let alone died. Promise me that in the most dangerous of situations that you will always listen to me and do what I tell you?"

Arthur wheeled Mulgan towards the portcullis and called over his shoulder, "Merlin, who do you think you are, my guardian angel?"

Merlin thought, 'If you only knew the half of it...!'

The escort of knights chatted as they rode through the forest to the designated meeting point. Arthur was disappointed as they saw a wild boar, usually so difficult to find. "We'll come back hunting as they must be living in the area."

Merlin suddenly saw Gidun looking into the distance and motioned to the others to stop and be quiet. Suddenly a wild sow and six little piglets with their tails held high crossed the trail. Arthur almost fell off Mulgan as he had never seen a litter in the daylight. Merlin was mesmerized by not only how adorable they looked but at their resemblance to fawns but with striped coats.

"We'll be back this way again. Roast suckling pig, just what the doctor ordered, Merlin!"

Merlin almost turned green. How could Arthur be so hard hearted? Then, he remembered that in Ealdor all the little piglets grew up to feed the villagers. He leant over to Mulgan and said, loudly enough for Arthur and the others to hear, "Mull, old friend, be thankful you aren't edible as I wouldn't trust your master."

Retaliating by pulling ahead and talking to Gidun, Arthur said, "Gidun, old pal, be thankful I haven't sent you and Merlin to live in France!"

"That was uncalled for, Arthur. If you must pick on someone pick on Gielbert as he came back from his wedding, waxing about chevaline and I actually saw him eyeing Mulgan the other day and by the look of it, he was evaluating him for the table!"

Gielbert laughed saying, "Don't knock it, if you haven't tried it!"

Soon they reached the meeting point and dismounted, loosening girths and letting the horses drink from a nearby stream. Two of the knights rode ahead, to see if they could see Camelot's guest in the distance.

The knights were relaxing, when one of the horses threw up its head and whinnied. "Mount up!" Arthur ordered. This was delayed as girths were tightened and knights lined up. They could hear horses heading their way and they stood respectfully waiting for the guests.

Suddenly around the bend, cantering came two of the castle destriers, one without a rider and the other having a rider with an arrow protruding from his back, slumped in the saddle. The horses stopped as they reached their stablemates.

Arthur motioned for the rest of the knights to enter the woods, Romney grabbed Jonathan's horse's bridle and rode a little further into the woods. He leaned over to see if he was breathing but it was impossible to tell but by the amount of blood, he wasn't optimistic. Merlin appeared on foot and managed to reach up to Jonathan's chest but shook his head as he could feel no pulse and as upsetting as it was he knew that the arrow had pierced him through and was embedded in the saddle. The knight wouldn't be falling off his horse.

Suddenly, they could hear the sounds of a battle and Romney left Merlin with Jonathan to ride to the aid of his brother knights. Merlin was momentarily torn, stay with the body or return to Arthur. He needed to have Arthur in his sight so he tied the horse to a tree and told it he would be back. It was quite happy eating the leaves which it could reach.

He crept back and saw the knights fighting what looked like bandits, well trained bandits to boot! He crept forward and noticed one on the ground near a horse, by the angle of his neck he could see that he was dead. Having worked with swords since he'd been with Arthur, he was impressed at the quality of the workmanship of the sword near the bandit.

Creeping forward, he could see the main engagement. The knights were slowly decimating the bandits but he saw one standing to one side, still except for the twisting of his head and what looked like the wringing of his hands. Arthur was in the clear and Romney had his back. He could pick out Gielbert and Valentin. They were all accounted for but Rawn whose horse had come back with Jonathan's, but without him.

Merlin circled around and came up near the non-fighting bandit. He could hear him mumbling and as the man turned his head, Merlin realised that he was gagged. He took a second look and saw that this was an older man. He caught his eye and said, "Duke...?"

The man's eyes widened and he looked really frightened. He turned to run but stumbled and fell to the ground, hands tied in front of him.

Merlin heard him grunt. He was beside him in an instant and said quietly, "I'll help you up." He pulled him into a sitting position. "I'm Merlin, I am with Prince Arthur." Again, the man's eyes widened. "Let me remove your gag." The man held still and Merlin was able to remove not only the gag but the cords around his wrists.

"What happened? Where is your escort?"

"Dead or tied up like me. They ambushed us but I was the only one they took with them."

Merlin led him over to some rocks and managed to partially hide him. "Stay here. I have to go to look after...I mean, check on the fighting. I will be back, don't worry."

Merlin could hear the sounds of a diminished assault. He came through the trees to see, six bodies on the ground, four bandits and two of the duke's escort. He couldn't find Arthur and thought, 'Why did I bother with the Duke, I should have been here for him!' Then, he saw him, sitting on a log, his head in his hands; he walked over to him and sat beside him.

"Merlin, is that you? I think I need help..." and in true Arthurian style, he rolled off the log out for the count!

Merlin crawled over to him. His pulse was strong but he had blood all over his face. His breathing was normal with no limbs at strange angles. Merlin pulled him up against the log. A nasty slice over his eye was the reason for all the blood..."

There was a scream and the final bandit was dispatched, slowly the other knights returned to the glade.

Catching Romney's cloak as he passed, Merlin told him to follow him as he had the Duke hidden. "They were ambushed; somewhere his escort is tied up hopefully Rawn is with them." He led him to the Duke and introduced them. The Duke's eyes lit up as he saw Camelot's red cloaked knight.

"Go back to Arthur," Romney said, "We'll come over slowly." Then Merlin was gone.

By the time he got back, Arthur was awake but groggy, "So, you decided to have a nap, Oh Mighty One?" Arthur glared at him so Merlin dug him in the ribs.

Valentin sitting nearby, grinned, Merlin always made him laugh even in serious situations.

"Arthur, I found the Duke, he and his men were ambushed. Romney will be here with him soon. Also, I've bad news..."

"It's Jonathan, isn't it? Is he alive?"

"He didn't make it, he's dead. It must have been quick as the arrow pieced him through and is embedded in the saddle. Hopefully, Rawn is with the Duke's men."

As if on cue, the Duke and Romney appeared out of the trees. Merlin hoisted Arthur to his feet and that started the bleeding again on his forehead. Merlin took off his neckerchief and tied it around his head. Arthur, looking like a pirate, was introduced to the Sir William, the Duke of Locksly. The remaining knights gathered round and made plans. Gielbert and Valentin would advance along to trail on foot hoping to find Rawn.

Merlin offered to go and collect Jonathan and his horse. In no time, he brought him back to the glade. Jonathan had been invested the same year as Arthur and Merlin could see that it brought home to Arthur, how dangerous a knight's life could be. They had gone from suckling pig to death of a knight in such a short time.

The Duke was a feisty old chap. He insisted that the bandits were too well trained to be your usual raggle-taggle types. They sounded from the area and nothing out of the way had struck him, except that the one who had gagged and tied him up hadn't hurt him and had apologized that it was necessary.

Romney collected all the swords and daggers and they were all high quality weapons. "Arthur, I think that these were mercenaries in disguise. Did anyone get anything out of the last bandit before he died?"

None of those present were able to shed any further light on the subject. They had seven swords which they would take back to Camelot, spoils of an afternoon outing, and the body of one of the knights. Arthur felt responsible but when they had left they had not expected to be attacked and although they had swords, they were wearing no chain mail. There were supposed to be an honour guard and they were still in the kingdom of Camelot.

They stood there, each one trying to figure out what had gone so awfully wrong. Valentin came down the trail, "Arthur, we found them. No one is dead but Rawn has been beaten up and I think he's got a broken leg. It's safe up there and I think the Duke's men would be happy to see him. All the horses are accounted for including the six belonging to the bandits. The man left to guard everyone took off when the fighting stopped but when we appeared, he was too far ahead of us so we let him go."

Arthur said, "Good, he can tell his leader not to mess with us, even if we were not prepared for a fight."

Merlin smiled as he could see that Arthur was back in form and completely in charge of their little band of victors. "Arthur, can I go to check on Rawn. Before we try to get him back to Camelot on a horse, I'd like to go over him."

Arthur turned away from the others, he had a grin on his face and he said quietly, "No taking liberties with poor Rawn. Your roaming hands belong to only me."

Merlin was shocked. How could Arthur even think that he didn't know the difference especially as he had so often helped Gaius? "Arthur, I can't believe you said that!"

Arthur grinned, "One point for me. Go on, I was fooling but I got you. Right?"

Grabbing Gidun's reins and shaking his head at Arthur, he left to ride up the trail. His mind was on how he intended to get even with Arthur. Suddenly he knew that he was not alone. He trusted Gidun and as the horse turned his head, he aligned himself so he could see between his ears. Sure enough there was another horse in the woods. He walked Gidun, slowly towards it and saw that its reins were entagled in the branches of a fallen tree.

Merlin dismounted and made his way towards it and unhooked the reins. He was impressed with the look of the horse and its tack. He led it back to Gidun, and mounted leading it. He could hear voices up ahead and waited, better to be sure than sorry. He saw a flash of red and realised it was Gielbert. He reached the group and one of the servants cried out when he saw the horse. "Sir William's horse, he'll be so pleased to have him back."

Rawn was looking pretty much like Gawaine often looked, following a tavern brawl. His face was turning black and blue and his eyes were scrunched up in pain. Merlin went over him carefully. The leg was broken but it felt like a clean break and was not yet too swollen. "Jonathan?" was all he said.

"With the others..." lied Merlin, He wanted to get his leg in a splint before discussing the death of the other man. "Is there anyone here who has had experience with broken limbs?"

A little man stepped forward and explained that he had sometimes helped the Duke's physician with battle injuries. Merlin told him to get two branches as straight as possibly and the width of his wrist. He then told Gielbert to hang onto Rawn's shoulders and with one move he placed the leg in a more normal position. Rawn made not a sound, however tears ran down his cheek from the excruciating pain.

The other man, Charlie had reappeared and Merlin and he managed to immobilise the leg in a splint. He said, "You'll be alright now and Gaius will see you as soon as we get back. Hang in there, Rawn!"

Gielbert and the Duke's top advisor got the others organized and mounted and slowly the stragglers made their way down the trail to where Arthur and the Duke were. Merlin took Arthur on one side and said that Rawn would be unable to ride but that they could make a litter and it could be carried between two horses. He asked if Gidun could be one of the horses and chose Romney's to be the other carrier as they were well matched in size and movement. Arthur nodded.

And so the little band of men, made up of Arthur and four knights, the Duke and most of his escort made there way slowly to Camelot as Merlin, Romney, and four of the Dukes's men made there was back up the trail to build a litter for Rawn.

* * *

><p>It was dark by the time Merlin and the others reached the outskirts of Camelot. Other knights hearing about Jonathan's death met them with torches and escorted their brother knight back home. Rawn had not got a glimpse of Jonathan's body and had traveled mostly with his eyes closed, as every hoof beat, brought pain.<p>

Merlin was exhausted, he dismounted and undid the ties holding the litter between the horses. Gaius was waiting and when Rawn heard his voice, he visibly relaxed. Jonathan's horse was led away with an escort of four knights. Merlin didn't relish their job, he just wanted bed but his job wasn't finished and he walked following the litter to Gaius's, taking Charlie with him as he figured an extra set of experienced hands might come in useful.

Gaius saw to Rawn immediately. He rebound the leg and put on new splints congratulating the two of them for their professional work. Rawn was out of it after one of Gaius's draughts. "Are you two hungry?" Both were starving but bed seemed a better solution. They could eat tomorrow.

Romney came in to check on Rawn and offered to take Charlie to the quarters assigned to the Duke's servants. He turned to Merlin and said, "...and you young man, look dead on your feet. I don't know where Arthur is at the moment but if I were you I'd nip upstairs and get forty winks before he arrives."

Merlin didn't hear Arthur arrive, he only knew that when he woke up in the middle of the night that someone was beside him with their arm around his shoulders so he rolled towards him and snuggled in.

_He could feel the sweat running down his back, he couldn't go any faster._

_Arthur was up ahead of him leaving him behind._

_He had to get to him before the piglets did. Their eyes were red and their tusks gleamed in the moonlight._

_Arthur turned to him yelling, "A lot of help you are, Idiot!"_

_He watched as the first piglet latched onto his calf and then he was down, out of nowhere the sow appeared and latched onto his throat while her offspring were in a feeding frenzy._

_He yelled, "Arthur!"_

Arthur put his arms around him and whispered, "Merlin My Love, you're dreaming, I'm right here..."


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 : DRESSED TO THE NINES**

Arthur was up, in his dressing gown and had breakfasted before Merlin stirred the next morning.

"Good morning Sleepy Head? How are we feeling?"

"Discombobulated!"

"Not surprising, as I thought at one point I was going to have to sleep in the antechamber. Your nightmares were so physical, I thought I might have woken up with black eyes. You throw a mean punch in your sleep."

Merlin grinned. "All I can remember was you, piglets and a meal. It was horrendous but I can't remember anything else at the moment."

"Well, we are free until midday. The king has suggested that all those on the escort party take the morning off and after lunch, meet to draw up a report of events to be presented following Jonathan's funeral. I still can't believe that he is dead. I know he is but my mind is having trouble accepting it."

Arthur picked up Merlin's dressing gown and instead of handing it to him, held it for him to put on. He reached around him, tied the belt and gave him a hug. "The Duke did nothing all evening but rave about you, drove the king mad!"

Merlin smiling, shook his head and disentangled himself from Arthur's embrace. "I didn't do it for recognition I did it because he was unarmed and a guest of Camelot. Did you eat all the breakfast?"

Once Merlin had eaten, Arthur decided it was a shame to waste a perfectly good morning and returned to bed.

"I can't make the bed if you're in it," complained Merlin, "Get up!"

"Make me!"

Merlin knew that Arthur with his superior strength had the upper hand and that the only way to get him out of the bed was for him to upend a pitcher of water over him but he figured that would just give him more work. He wandered to the door, turned saying "Incoming!" and ran across the room doing a half roll and landed beside Arthur on the bed.

"One day, you are going to cause irreparable damage, doing that..." Arthur stated matter-of-factly.

"To the bed?"

"No, to your own personal bed-warmer and lover extra-ordinaire!"

"...self-praise is no recommendation!"

"Haven't heard you complaining, Merlin?"

"That's because, in the Camelot Manservant's Guide to All Things Royal, there was a section, on how to deal with the over-inflated self opinionated crown prince. The suggestion was that you never challenged this individual outright, you just out-manoeuvered him by showing him that your actions were not only equal to but possibly superior to his. I believe that there was also an addendum suggesting that this be accomplished in the most enjoyable way possible!"

"There isn't such a book is..."

Merlin did the only thing he knew to shut him up. He kissed him...after all maybe a morning in bed wasn't such a bad idea!

* * *

><p>They heard the lunch platters being delivered through the exterior door into the antechamber.<p>

"Still discombobulated?"

"No, sated..."

"Merlin what kind of a word is that? You just make up these words to annoy me."

"It's a real word, honestly. It was in one of Gaius's books."

"So, don't keep me in suspense, what does it mean?"

"Satiated..."

"Merlin..." Arthur warned.

Merlin grinned at him, "Content!"

Merlin's head hit the mattress as Arthur pulled away his pillow and put it over his face. He rolled over and came up for air. It was time to eat and then get dressed for the meeting. The next couple of days were not going to be very enjoyable as all of Camelot would be in mourning for Jonathan.

* * *

><p>The meeting of the Duke's escort got down to business. Gielbert notified everyone that Rawn was improving and Gaius pleased with him. They went over all the facts of the ambush and the report was finished by mid-afternoon. Camelot had lost one knight, had one injured knight, had gained six good horses, six superior quality swords, three daggers and saved the life of the Duke of Locksly.<p>

At the same time, the king and his advisors were meeting with the Duke and his advisors. Accounts were being taken from all those present and a final report would be made once both reports were examined. To date, no one seemed to have known the origin of the bandits but the duke's men felt that they were more than likely affiliated with a neighbouring kingdom which had show interest in the duchy but had been turned down.

The visiting duke wanted it on record that his life had been saved by the young man Merlin who had not only released him but hidden him until Sir Romney came to get him. If anyone had been looking at Uther, he would have seen look of disgust on his face. The king thought, 'Such a fuss about a nobody!'

The duke concluded, "I intend to give this young man a reward for his ingenuity and bravery. He was unarmed and so very capable."

Sir Rupert, noticing the look on Uther's face, smiled thinking, 'How not to make friends and influence people!'

Uther said, "...and I would not have expected anything less from one of the Camelot servants."

"You, Sire, are obviously blessed with many competent and trustworthy retainers!"

"Well, if we are finished, I believe that we should recess until supper this evening. It will be the formal welcoming supper for our honoured guest," with this he nodded at the duke. All assembled stood up, as the king and the duke left the council chambers.

Sir Rupert said to Gaius and Leon, "Poor Merlin, as hard as he tries to keep out of Uther's way, someone is always throwing his abilities in Uther's face. Shame Arthur wasn't here to have enjoyed it."

Leon laughingly agreed, "And from what I have heard, Merlin deserves any reward he gets. Rawn was praising him no end when I visited him this morning."

Gaius smiled, he enjoyed it when others appreciated and valued his special-son!"

* * *

><p>Arthur decided to do some training after the meeting while it was still light. Merlin trooped after him to the field and as a few of the others had decided to join Arthur, was able to sit on a bench and watch. He thought they really didn't know how lucky they had been yesterday as without armour, experienced assailants could have caused more damage than the group sustained. He wondered if getting the duchy was worth the death of a Knight of Camelot.<p>

He smiled to himself about Arthur's comments on the king's annoyance last night. He didn't ever want to go head to head with the king as he doubted that if he said anything negative about or hurt Arthur he might have an overwhelming desire to break his other arm. He chuckled, Gaius wouldn't be impressed with that!

Merlin looked at the ground and stretched out his legs He looked at his trousers, his clothes had certainly improved since he first came to Camelot and all due to Arthur and his chest of old clothes. Merlin laughed, his mind flashed back to Ealdor. All the children wore clothes which were clean but well patched having been passed from family to family, until in the end becoming dusters.

Arthur's clothes were always new.

Merlin idly wondered what he should wear to tonight's welcoming supper. There was of pair of navy trousers which he might try on. He always wanted to look the part for anything ceremonial. He loved it when he was smartly dressed and Arthur whistled, giving him the raised eyebrows look. It did something to his insides.

Then he thought sadly, there would be the funeral tomorrow. Arthur as a knight would probably prefer, to dress as one, instead of wearing his ceremonial armour, which would be good for then it wouldn't have to be cleaned.

He was brought out of his reverie by a friendly clout across the back of his head. "You've been out of bed for four hours at the most and you're nodding off again. Honestly, I think an early bedtime will be called for tonight as well..."

"I wasn't asleep, I was planning what you would wear tonight and also for the funeral." He got up and took Arthur's helmet and shield. Arthur being true to his decision to help Merlin stay on his feet, now took care of his own sword. They made their way across the field.

"So, what have you chosen for me? It had better be something to show off my fine physique and handsome looks!"

"Actually, I thought 'sackcloth and ashes' might be appropriate. Don't want you to catch anyone else's eye. I might end up sleeping back at Gaius's..."

"Merlin," he smiled, "As if that would ever happen! Anyway what about you, I think you should resurrect that old brown jacket, as I wouldn't want you catching anyone's eye, either."

"Would you fight for me if someone tried to take me away from you?"

"What do you think?"

"Well, I think it would depend upon the claimant. Remember, for all intends and purposes. I am only a manservant. Uther might one day decide to gift me to another dignitary. What would you do about your chamber then, Slob?"

"You can't talk to a crown prince like that!"

"Well, I just did, so tell me, what would you do?"

"I'd go on a hunger strike and march with a placard in the courtyard, saying, 'Unfair treatment of a Crown Prince! Give me Merlin back'! "I'd have all the knights with me and the whole kingdom would grind to a halt."

Merlin laughed, "...and that would go over extremely well with Uther!"

"I could petition the International Court at The Hague!"

"Arthur, I always felt that you were ahead of your time and now, I know that you are." He leaned forward opening their chamber door.

"Seriously I wouldn't let you go without a fight..." Arthur continued. Merlin had already put down the shield and the helmet, taken Arthur's sword away from him so, he removed his jacket and folded it.

"Good!" He said, and gave him a resounding kiss. "That's a preview of what you would be missing...that, a tidy chamber and a friend."

Arthur walked across the room and stood by the bed, loosening his tunic. "I love having a friend like you, it is the best thing in the world...except for hunting." He ducked as his jacket came flying across the room.

"Merlin, that is no way to treat the crown prince's clothes or the crown prince's person for that matter. What would the Lord Chamberlain say?"

As quick as a wink, Merlin replied, "What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve!"

"True...and that goes for many things and I don't just mean my jacket," smiled Arthur.

* * *

><p>Arthur was dressed in deep burgundy which accentuated his blonde hair. His loose fitting shirt was very ornate with self coloured embroidery. His jacket was decorated with metal ornamentation and he looked the part of a royal.<p>

Merlin, wearing the navy trousers, a dark grey jacket with a linen shirt, laces undone at the neck, knew that his clothes would equal those worn by any of the household staff and maybe even the Lord Chamberlain himself. He was after all the honourable manservant of the Crown Prince!

He turned around to show Arthur who had whistled and commented that without his neckerchief, he would be able to gaze unrestricted at his neck, planning what he might do later, that was if supper turned out to be tedious.

"Arthur, as I stand behind you, most of the time, it might be a bit difficult."

"Not at all, I'll stand up and turn my chair so it is facing you." Merlin got a fit of the giggles. "...or I'll order you to stand on the other side of the table so I can gaze upon you.

"As if that won't send strange messages to the king!"

Arthur and Merlin made their way down to the dining hall. Much to Merlin's discomfort, Arthur halfway down the corridor, checked to see that they were alone and leant over and gently nipped his ear. Merlin almost jumped out of his skin as Arthur ran his finger down his back. Merlin squirmed, he knew that they had to be careful so he twisted and pushed Arthur away but not before the prince had managed to pat his backside a couple of times.

"Arthur, you said that we should always be on our guard. I'll kill you if you spoil our secret by being careless."

"Being careless about what?" said a deep voice. They turned and laughed as Geoffrey came up behind them. "Good thing, I wasn't Uther or you, Arthur, would have a lot of explaining to do. Reprimanding a servant is acceptable but what I saw would scarcely fall into that category." He walked between the two men putting his arms on each of their shoulders. "Be careful! You never know who might be watching the two of you."

"Glad it was you!" Merlin said with a grin. "His lordship can sometimes be a handful!"

At the beginning of the meal Sir Rupert, asked those present to lift their glasses in memory of Sir Jonathan of Rohallion. They stood and Sir Rupert said, "For the Love of Camelot!" and the company responded. The king then invited all present to attend the funeral in the courtyard just before noon the following day.

The preliminary welcomes were made to William, the Duke of Locksly and the meal began.

As Arthur had predicted supper was long and boring but for one little exception. During the duke's speech, he recommended Merlin on his bravery, mentioning that he wanted to see him later in the week. Uther sat there stone faced. However, Romney, Gielbert, and Valentin, the knights who had been present and the duke's own escort all nodded in agreement. Gaius beamed. Arthur turned back to wink at Merlin who was blushing.

Arthur thought he looked so adorable that he had to control himself or he would have quite happily left the hall dragging his poor blushing manservant after him.

Merlin had felt uncomfortable being the centre of attention. He had ignored the king as he hadn't wanted to see the look of disgust on his face; it did nothing to instill confidence. He had acknowledged the Duke with a slight bow, wondering why he wanted to see him. He was happy to have made Gaius beam and Arthur's wink had just about had him running from the room.

They made their way upstairs. Merlin keeping out of Arthur's way as there were other people on the stairs and in the corridor. One part of him enjoyed the stolen kisses and intimate touches but the other was petrified that they would be seen, by someone intent on making trouble and their lives would come to a crashing halt.

Whereas, Arthur could put his arm over the knights' shoulders and laughingly hug them, it would not be correct, to be so forward with a member of the household staff. What went on behind closed doors was another matter but in public conformity to standards by a royal personage, was imperative.

* * *

><p>At last, they were in the security of their own chambers. Merlin helped Arthur out of his jacket, as he was standing in front of the fire, allowing his hand to creep determinedly down his back, causing Arthur to shiver. As Merlin backed away, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him to him, saying, "Feeling feisty tonight, are we?"<p>

"Maybe, but let me put away your jacket." Merlin removed his own jacket and came back to the fire.

Arthur pulled him down onto their seat, "So, my little manservant is a hero! Gaius looked so proud and all the knights were happy. You have quite a following, Merlin."

"As you do, Arthur Sire! Some of your bravery must have rubbed off on me."

"Merlin, sometimes you talk utter rot! You are brave in your own right. Your name will probably go down in history."

Merlin burst out laughing, "For what? Getting you out of bed in the morning and keeping a tidy room?"

"Well, yes, for that and being a dresser par excellence," Arthur laughed before continuing in a serious tone. "No! For being able to make the Crown Prince of Camelot fall head over heels in love with you and for being able to capture his heart."

"Arthur, you have a heart? Why did you keep it a secret until now? Why didn't you tell me? That's so hard to believe...anyway, if my memory serves me rightly, you were the instigator pushing me to the edge and purposely taking me, an innocent boy on a camping trip."

"Hang on! Am I not right in remembering that we had a chaperone? It was all above board. Wasn't my fault that you were so cold that you needed someone to cuddle with..." and he smiled, "...and you chose me instead of Gawaine!"

Merlin smiled to himself and snuggled into Arthur. "Ever had any regrets?"

"Never!...You?"

"Yes, that I didn't take the initiative when you used to smile and stare at me. Just think of the time we wasted."

"Gaius would have killed me. He was and still is very protective of you. He knew that I would wait, I wanted the decision to be mutual, I couldn't have stood it, if you had taken off like a frightened bunny."

"I knew we'd get back to hunting, you have a one track mind."

"Yes, but after all, I was hunting you." Arthur held Merlin to him. Not wanting to argue as he knew he'd never win, Arthur did the one thing which would stop Merlin from talking. He whispered something suggestive in his ear.

It amused him that after all Merlin and he had got up to, that he could still make him blush. He found it charming and it did something to him when he saw the delicate hint of pink creep slowly up his lover's face.

He laughed to himself when he thought of the number of times that Merlin's blushing had, inadvertently answered any question from their friends as to what they had been up to.

Anything of a sexual nature could trigger the reaction as could praise, as it had this evening. Whatever it was, it was part and parcel of the man he loved.

"Do you think he's going to offer me a job at his duchy?" said Merlin some time later.

"Over my dead body! He probably just wants to thank you personally, maybe give you a Letter of Commendation or a monetary gift," suggested Arthur.

"But, if I did have to go, you could always come and visit me. I'd make sure that I had a big bed and plenty of time for...you know what!"

Arthur broke out laughing. "For some one with such expertise..." he glanced at Merlin who was protesting, "...I know, thanks to Gaius's compendium. You act so innocently yet you're so good at understating facts. However, Merlin, I don't really know what you are talking about?"

"You do, I know you do...I can see it in your eyes. Just think in years to come, there would be a little sign on that bed saying, 'King Arthur Slept Here'.

Arthur smiled and said, "...and in little letters underneath, it would say 'With Merlin His Beloved'!"

"I love you, Arthur, slayer of bunny rabbits!"

"Blow out the night candle and we'll continue this discussion in the dark. Shame really as I'll miss seeing you so... on second thought, don't touch the candle."

"So, romance by candlelight!" said Merlin with a smile, "Remember, there are 'two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it'. Which am I to be, My Love?"

"Shut up, Merlin!" Arthur said as he wrapped his arms around him...


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 : IF SPROUTS WERE GOLDEN**

Morning came too fast and Merlin stood at the window watching the guards placing a catafalque at the bottom of the steps in the courtyard, in preparation for the funeral. It was covered in white and Jonathan's bier would be placed there for the brief honour ceremony. Merlin had heard that the Duke had offered a sizable monetary gift to Jonathan's parents in recognition of the loss of their son.

Breakfast was delivered and Merlin went into the antechamber to get it and set the table. Hearing him put the platters on the table Arthur moaned and snuggled deeper into the bed. Merlin said, "You're going to have to get up some time, why not make it now and eat your breakfast?"

"But, I don't want to...I'm warm and comfortable..."

"...and lonely to boot?" added Merlin.

That got Arthur's attention so he finally threw back the covers and stood up, grabbing his dressing gown. He wandered across to the window and put him arm around Merlin's waist. He blew seductively in his ear before sitting down.

"What are you going to wear today?"

"I'll dress as a knight as Jonathan and I were invested in the same year. If it wasn't that we have a guest, I would have talked the king into letting me stand with my brother knights. However, it would be too much to expect him to allow that, as he will want me on the stairs to show solidarity with him before William. I intend to follow the body to the cemetery. Do you remember when we buried Daffyd and the others? That was horrendous. Remember how brave Gavin was. That whole episode is something, I never want to repeat."

"I remember the times, Daffyd showed me the way around Camelot when I fist arrived. He was one boy in a million, Sir Rodick said that his mother still has problems accepting it. I think Rodick also misses him as I've noticed that he is always very understanding when squires get into trouble. Poor man, he had such hopes for his brother. Life can be so cruel"

By the time the squires were gathering in the courtyard, Arthur was dressed and ready for the day ahead. The king had mentioned afternoon meetings with Duke William and Arthur knew that he would be expected to at least put in an appearance.

They walked silently down to the courtyard, Arthur taking up a position on the stairs with Merlin a couple of stairs above him slightly to the side. The sound of muffled drums disrupted the silence and the funeral escort made their way through the portcullis. Jonathan's standard was carried by a senior squire who then stood at the bottom of the steps. Four brother knights carried the bier on which Jonathan's body was laid. He was wearing chain mail and his red cloak, his helmet resting at his feet. As the knights crossed the centre of the courtyard, the king and the duke descended the stairs, Gaius following behind with Sir Rupert with the knights formed a phalanx on each side of the bier.

Sir Rupert briefly addressed the assembly. "We are gathered to pay our respects to a brave and noble knight. It is always a sorrow to bury one of our brother knights but when that knight is young it is a double sorrow. Sir Jonathan will be remembered for his bravery, his willingness and his loyalty to the Code. He will be missed by his friends in Camelot."

Sir Brian stepped forward, raising his sword, he said, "For the love of Camelot!" The chant was picked up by all present. The escort turned and lead the way out of the courtyard, the standard bearer went next followed by the bier on the knight's shoulders. The knights and some of the senior squires followed them to the cemetery outside the walls. Arthur bowed at the king and said, "Sire, Sir William!"and left the steps to follow his brother knights. Stopping momentarily, he spoke to Sir Rawn who was sitting on a bench near the stairs, not well enough to follow but determined to be present. With Merlin following, he then walked to the cemetery.

* * *

><p>Lunch was a quiet affair. Most of the knights were deep in their own thoughts. Death striking their ranks as it often did, was not a stranger but never a welcomed guest. Some of them planned to do some training that afternoon but it would be very low key, more to clear their minds than to seriously practice manoeuvres.<p>

Arthur had the meeting to attend, telling Merlin that he was free to spend the afternoon as he wished but that he would have to attend supper with the king and his guest and he would be pleased if he would be there to help his dress and serve him. "Go and spend the rest of the afternoon with Gaius. It will do you good to have a change of scenery. I need time away from you as you are an awful distraction!"

"But, I have done nothing to cause any problems, I don't think that the king even knew that I was on the stairs, I was trying to be inconspicuous. I am really working at having a low profile where he is concerned."

"To my father maybe, but I had the hardest time convincing myself not to pull you into an alley as we returned from the cemetery. Honestly you are not only alluring but addictive!"

"...save it for tonight and by then you will have had time to find some other nice words that apply to my person."

Arthur leant over and said "Sexy and...!" He leaned even closer and whispered something that made Merlin smile but not without blushing. Arthur placed his arm across his shoulders and gave him a little squeeze.

"Stop it, Arthur, you have a meeting to attend and I am going to Gaius's. We can continue this later."

"See, what did I tell you, alluring and addictive."

"Maybe, _inamorato_..."

With that Merlin went to leave but was stopped by Arthur's, "_Inamorato_, what's that?"

"Have to check in a dictionary to make sure, but I feel it's something wonderful!" and he was gone.

* * *

><p>The talks were long but Arthur surprisingly found them quite interesting. The Duchy would be under the protection of Camelot and when Duke William died, it would become part of Camelot. Arthur would probably be the one to benefit from the additional lands as the duke though old, was hale and hearty. The paper work was finally completed.<p>

Sir William leant over saying, "Shame you didn't bring your manservant with you today, Arthur. I could have given him his reward. Send him to my chambers later and I will see that he receives it. Jarvis, here will see to it if I'm not there. You are exceptionally lucky to have him in your service. Treat him with respect, he well deserves it."

The duke would be spending a few more days in Camelot and then would return to his home. An escort of Camelot knights would make the trip back with him. To facilitate the turn over of land, the king had named two junior members of his advisory council to accompany the duke and remain there in a liaison capacity.

Arthur made his way back to his rooms. Merlin was still away so he sat at the table and tried to catch up on work which he had let slip. There was a tap at the door and Leon entered. "Arthur, I'm worried..."

* * *

><p>Merlin tapped on the door to of the guest chambers. He had received notification, while he was with Gaius, that the duke wished to see him immediately. The door was opened by his advisor with papers in his hands. "Oh, Merlin, Sir William has just gone to see Sir Geoffrey, I am to follow him. Jarvis here, will see you and give you the duke's gift."<p>

Merlin entered the chamber and Jarvis was sitting at the table with a leather purse in front of him. He stood and smiled, "Come over and sit down. The duke is sorry that he was unable to present this in person but asked me to take care of it."

Jarvis explained how the duke was impressed with his actions in the woods. Therefore, the duke wished to repay his quick thinking and courage. Merlin felt like saying, 'Get to the point. I have to get back to dress the prince.' Jarvis put his hands on the leather purse and brought it closer to Merlin.

Suddenly, Merlin felt uncomfortable. Jarvis continued, "Now we all know how ill-paid servants are even those in the royal household and the duke was wondering if you would consider a proposition from him. He would be willing to take you back to the duchy as his personal manservant with perks. If you agree, he will approach the king and request your being transferred to the duchy along with the liaison personnel. If you do not agree, he will still approach the king. He mentioned that he felt that there was a little friction between his majesty and his son's manservant. Is that true?"

Merlin felt sick. He knew that if Sir William did approach the king with his request that the king would be only to happy to see the back of him, regardless of what Arthur wanted.

His mind shot back to the conversation he had had with Arthur when he teased him telling him, that should he ever go into anyone else's service, he would be still willing to entertain him. They had been fooling. He had absolutely no intention of accepting a bribe to become the bed-servant of an old man.

He was furious. He rose from the chair, but Jarvis grabbed his wrist, his index finger stroking the base of his thumb. He controlled himself as he was ready to send the man flying but knew he only wanted to get out of the chamber.

"It isn't bad working for the duke and I would be around to help you...you know...settle in and..."

Merlin felt a shiver run up his back. This man was propositioning him. If it wasn't so absurd, it would be laughable. He had the feeling that Jarvis was the instigator for the move not the old duke. He felt unclean just having him imprison his wrist. He swallowed, to control his temper.

"There's no need to be upset. I'm sure we could come to an agreeable understanding." Reading the look of disgust and horror in Merlin's eyes, he dropped his wrist and covering his tracks said, "No need to worry if you don't want to consider it. I'll explain the situation to the duke. Here, take the money. It is his gift to you free of any demands."

Merlin looked at this poor excuse for a man and turned on his heels. He thought, 'I'm my own person and strong, pity the poor serving men who have to deal with treatment from the likes of him.'

"Merlin, take the money."

Merlin swung around and sent the purse flying, gold coins scattered across the flagstones. "Explain that, to you master!" he said and left the room.

He was upset and annoyed. He wandered down the corridor deep in thought. 'Did he tell Arthur or just ignore the whole sordid mess.'

He felt a hand on his shoulder and spun around pushing the person forcefully into the wall. "Get out of my sight and take your dirty suggestions with you. Open your mouth and I will see that it is permanently closed!"

He turned and stomped off.

He heard someone moan, "Merlin, that hurt...why...what did I do?"

He turned Leon was leaning against the wall, holding his shoulder and his chest. "Leon, oh my God! I thought you were someone else. Oh, I'm sorry. It wasn't meant for you. Are you alright?"

"I've felt better but what happened to you. Why are you riled up? What dirty suggestions? What were you talking about?"

Merlin walked over to him and checked his shoulder, probably bruised and the same with his chest. "I can't talk about it now. Anyway what were you doing in this wing?"

"Arthur sent me to see if I could find you. I'd heard some rumours and wanted to warn you."

"Well, I think you were too late..."

"But you're alright?"

"Yes, it's a garbled story but I think I got to the crux of it."

"I'll go with you back to Arthur."

"Walk down with me but don't come in. If Arthur hears of this, he will not be able to behaviour cordially to the duke and certainly not to one specific member of his party. Join us tomorrow for breakfast and I'll try to explain what I think happened."

Leon saw him to his door and said, "See you at supper. I'll keep at eye on the situation."

* * *

><p>"Where have you been? I'll be late for supper...What's wrong, you're upset about something. Merlin, are you alright?"<p>

"I'm fine...now let's get his royalness dressed so that he can shine at supper. I'll tell you later, it wasn't very important. Anyway, Leon's coming for breakfast. Gold or deep blue, have you decided?"

Arthur gave him a look, knowing damn well that there was more to the story than its lack of importance. But it could wait as he intended to also tell him, what Leon hold told him that afternoon.

Merlin soon had Arthur dressed to his satisfaction and then he quickly changed into something suitable for supper.

He'd show Jarvis, just how important his position was at Camelot with or without perks. The he giggled to himself, 'Well...certainly there were perks.' He looked across at Arthur, caught his eye and gave him a smile.

Arthur smiled, walked over and put his hand behind him stopping him from moving away and ran the back of his hand to Merlin's chin, tipping his head so he could look into his eyes and said, "Merlin, where would I be without you?"

Merlin grinned, "Probably still trying to get dressed, Sire!"

"You're the only one I know who can be impertinent and respectful in the same breath!"

"One of my many abilities and if you are good, tonight I will show you the reverse, politeness with a tinge of disrespect. Yes, disrespectful but on second thought, not too polite either."

"When would I want you any other way?"

Merlin leant forward and laid his forehead against Arthur's. "Do you realise that if we were mind readers, we could tell what we were each thinking?"

"I for one, Merlin, have no trouble reading your mind at this very moment! However duty calls..."

With his arm around his shoulders, Arthur walked him into the corridor and happily managed to get to the floor where the dining hall was located, without having to remove it. He liked feeling Merlin against him walking down the halls. Their life was difficult as they were like limpets in private and strangers in public.

The stress of living continually under scrutiny was demanding. They had to abide by the rules and be extra cautious as they never knew, when someone might see something and decide to better themselves by bringing their relationship to the notice of the court. Knights didn't count as the majority of them realised that they were close friends. How close was debatable but Arthur knew that no knight would step forward to accuse them. Anyone doing so would be promptly dealt with by his brother knights.

Still he knew that Merlin and he needed to be on guard. Arthur smiled, once the duke left, he was going to inveigle a few days off. He knew of a particularly lovely Manor House, where he and his manservant would be welcomed and looked after; half a day away on horseback yet an eternity away in tolerance.

* * *

><p>Sprouts were one of the vegetables and Merlin gave him a wicked grin and put two of the biggest sprouts on his plate. "Be a good boy now, Sire, eat up your vegetables!"<p>

Arthur smiled sweetly and as Merlin walked around his chair, he managed to catch his thigh. He held it preventing him from moving, having his attention he said under the surrounding voices. "Merlin dear, remove them or you'll be wearing them!"

Uther glanced in their directions but saw nothing untoward. Arthur released his grip and Merlin leant over and managed to invite both of the sprouts up his sleeve, "For later, Sire," he said with a wicked grin."

Leon sitting beside Arthur laughed, "You deserved that Arthur."

"But he started it!"

"I'll enjoy seeing how he finishes it...! said Leon with a smile at Merlin who had each sprout balanced on the top of Arthur's chair. There'd be fun and games if Arthur unintentionally dislodged them and sat on them.

"One wonderful thing about Merlin," Arthur confided, "He's not vindictive!"

"Oh, really!" said Leon and winked at Merlin who tried not to laugh and have Uther glare at him.

Arthur did look cute with two sprouts sitting just above his shoulders. Merlin caught Gaius's eye and the older man just raised one eyebrow as a warning. Merlin decided that maybe he was tempting fate. So when Arthur next needed his wine goblet refilled, he managed to get the sprouts back into his hand. Going to the sideboard, to get a pitcher, he left them there as a little memento. Returning, he filled Arthur's goblet, with a look on his face as though 'butter wouldn't melt in his mouth'!

Merlin eventually climbed into bed, he'd tidied the room, hung up all their clothes, banked the fire and finally was able to stretch out and relax. He turned to Arthur and said, "Why do you dislike sprouts? Did one of them do something to offend you?"

"Merlin, you are so funny! Well, you think you are! No, it's simple, I don't like sprouts because no matter how often they are rinsed. They still contain tiny flies...you can see them if you peel back the covering leaves."

"...and that's going to hurt you? It's a good source of protien and you've certainly eaten many a fly when you are riding." He said theatrically, "Arthur, the great one, is put off because a little fly, finding nowhere else to live, picks a lowly sprout as his home, chooses a wife and together they raise a little fly family and live happily ever after in their little sprout house."

Arthur was now firmly convinced never to let a sprout pass his lips. "Merlin Love, you just beautifully explained my reason for living sprout-less."

"Arthur, did I ever tell you about the worms in meat...?"

Merlin was suddenly attacked and although he tried hard he couldn't get Arthur off him so he just relaxed, smiled and decided to enjoy all the attention, he was going to receive.

The firelight was still painting its patterns on the bed curtains when they finally fell asleep. Merlin murmured to a sleepy Arthur, "Please, can we play the sprout game again tomorrow?"

"Yes, if you stop bothering me now and let me go to sleep!"

Merlin lay in Arthur's arms and smiled...


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11: REWARDS AND QUESTIONABLE CELEBRATING**

Leon arrived for breakfast as invited and the three of them discussed Merlin's run in. Arthur was furious.

Merlin still wanted nothing to do with the money but Arthur figured that Jarvis would tell the duke that Merlin had gratefully accepted the reward, then pocket the purse. Arthur and Leon decided that one of them would take Jarvis on one side and ask for Merlin's reward and give him a few pointers on respecting the royal household, both its family and its retainers.

"But then the duke will ask the king if he can take me back with him. Arthur, I don't want to leave you but I'm a manservant. I have no say in the matter, regardless of what you think. I'm dispensable, all servants are!"

"Yes, but_ I_ have a say! I won't agree to it. Uther knows that you are my permanent manservant and if he thinks, I'll let you go without a fight, he's got another think coming. Merlin, you will never be dispensible to me!"

Merlin would not hear of Arthur's dealing with Jarvis so Leon accepted to do it and left immediately to speak to him, as tomorrow the duke's party would be leaving.

True to his word, by lunch, Leon returned and plunked a leather pouch on the table in front of Arthur, who said, "Join us! There's enough for three, isn't there, Merlin?"

"Plenty! How did it go?" He put down an extra plate, gave his chair to Leon and took another one.

"He backtracked completely and explained that the duke had no intention of asking Merlin to leave his royal master but that if Merlin had been willing, he would have liked to have arranged it as a surprise for his master," Leon said. "A right bastard! He tried to sweet-talk me into agreeing that I would have done the same in his position. Anyway, he was only too happy to get rid of the pouch which he had on him."

"Well, I don't want it!" Merlin insisted.

"Listen, not only are you going to take it. You are also going to thank Sir William for his generosity. Act as if you are thrilled, you can do it. You can pull the wool over other people's eyes! I'll stay with you. We can do it this afternoon or before supper."

Merlin agreed but wouldn't touch the gold so Arthur put it in his locked chest where it would be safe.

Sir William was touched that Merlin had sought him out to thank him and again congratulated Arthur on his manservant.

Returning down the hallway, Merlin asked, "So, do I get a reward from you because you have such a wonderful retainer?"

"No, because you haven't done anything recently to merit one."

"If I rightly remember, Arthur, you were extolling my virtues the other night."

"Was I? Maybe then you had better refresh my memory later this evening."

Merlin took off and called over his shoulder, "You should be so lucky!"

Arthur chased after him and figuring where he was going, took a short cut and ran smack into the king walking sedately with his senior advisors. "What is it with the people in this castle? If you have nothing better to do Arthur than race around the corridors like a servant, follow us. We're discussing upcoming tax income and the percentage of return for the military versus the upkeep of the town itself."

Saying, "Sire," Arthur mentally allowed Merlin to win, and slipped in beside Sir Rupert and followed the king. Not before out of the corner of his eye, he saw Merlin hanging over one of the balustrades waving at him.

"Cheer up," said Rupert with a smile. "It could be worse, it could be midmorning and then you would have a full day to stew and plan revenge on you-know-who!"

"Oh, I'll get him and when I do, he won't know which way is up!"

Arthur was in a foul mood when he returned to change for supper. "That was all, your fault!"

"Excuse me! I wasn't the one running who almost wiped out the king and his entire council!"

"Well, it was an absolute waste of perfectly good afternoon! Rupert said that it was a repeat performance of what they had discussed prior to lunch. Even the king looked bored and some old chap kept reiterating one point, until finally someone put him out of his misery by pointedly saying. 'Thank you for your sound input, let us proceed to the next point', at which time the king decided to adjourn the meeting and stated that he would see them all tomorrow. Lucky them!

"I'm blaming you for a wasted afternoon and have a feeling that I might offer you to Sir William in exchange for Jarvis."

Merlin knew that he was only fooling but the thought of leaving Arthur made him feel uncomfortable. "I thought you were right behind me. I didn't know that you were in tortoise mode, otherwise I would have slowed down." He grinned at Arthur from under his fringe.

"Very funny! But I did mention to Rupert that I was thinking of taking a few days off. He said that nothing was upcoming and that now would be a good time. The knights who will escort Sir William's party have already been named. This time, they will go into the duchy as a show of strength and then return to Camelot within the week."

Merlin started helping Arthur dress, it was a farewell dinner for Sir William and with the expected speeches, it would be a long evening. "Let me know when we can leave, as I'll need time to get our clothes together."

"I didn't say _you_, Merlin, I said that _I_ was thinking of taking a few days off!"

Merlin froze. Was this payback for the tortoise comment or for having made Arthur waste the afternoon in a meeting? He kept his eyes down, silently took a deep breath and worked around Arthur, lacing his shirt, fixing the collar and fetching his jacket. "Your jacket, Sire?"

"Yes, please..."

For once in his life, Merlin was unable to read Arthur, so he walked behind him and held the jacket as Arthur put his arms back slipping them into the sleeves. He moved in front without making eye contact and settled the shoulders before doing up the pewter clasps. He walked around again making sure that the jacket fell straight to just below the hips and when he was satisfied, he stood back.

"Thank you, Merlin. I won't need you to serve me tonight, one of the senior squires can do it. Be here to help me undress before bed." Arthur turned on his heel and left the chamber. He grinned thinking to himself, 'Let him stew until I come back.' He was going to enjoy this...

Sitting on the bed, Merlin went over everything which had just happened. They had seemed fine until he mentioned packing. What had happened? He now wished that he hadn't let Arthur go before settling it. How could he consider going to Yewdene without him? It was their special place.

Arthur smiled to himself as he walked down the corridor. He hadn't thought that he would have got away that easily. He thought that Merlin would have insisted that he should go as well. A little niggling thought crept into his mind, had Merlin been just as happy not to have been invited?

He bumped into Rupert and gleefully told him what he had done. "What did he say?" Rupert wanted to know.

"Nothing. I even told him I didn't need him tonight...but now I am wondering if maybe I overdid it."

"Sorry, can't help you with that. You know Merlin better than anyone, seems sort of rough on him though. You've got time go back and straighten it out."

He turned on his heel and said to Rupert, "I think I will. I was being stupid..."

The king interrupted him, "Arthur, good you are already on your way down. Accompany me and we'll go in together, a united front always wows guests!"

Arthur suddenly felt sick and out of his depth!

* * *

><p>Merlin laid out Arthur's night attire and tidied up the room. He didn't feel as confident as he had when he'd high tailed it down the corridor with Arthur in full pursuit. This manservant thing was sometimes unnerving. For the longest time, it seemed as if they were equals and then Arthur would say or do something that would throw him off.<p>

He trudged down to Gaius's but met him on his way up to attend the departure supper. "Why the long face, are you two at odds again?"

"No!" he lied. "I was just wondering when you were going to the dining hall? Arthur has already left and I am to follow him." Merlin felt uncomfortable but even thinking about Arthur not needing him upset him, let alone actually saying it aloud even to Gaius.

"Well, you'd better change quickly or you'll be late and the king won't appreciate being disturbed by the late arrival of a royal manservant!"

The manservant did it for Merlin. He nodded and started seriously thinking of his precarious position in the castle. He was a nobody, relying upon a friend for status.

It was a warm night so he decided to go in search of company. Not much choice as most of his associates were in the dining hall. He meandered through the courtyard and out into the lower town. Nothing much going on but as he approached the Rising Sun, he heard a commotion and decided to investigate. His ears picked up a friendly voice and he came face to face with Gawaine.

"Merlin, old friend, and what would you be doing wandering the streets at night without your side-kick?"

"Careful, people here know who I am and that comment could land you in trouble with you-know-who."

"...so, why are you roaming the streets alone? Were you thrown out or did you run away?" Gawaine laughed but then realised by the look on Merlin's face that he had hit a nerve. He knew it was nothing that couldn't be healed with a little loving care from the royal master.

"Come on, tell Uncle Gawaine, what happened."

Merlin relaxed a little and laughed, "Nothing really, just a slight misunderstanding, well, I think that was what it was."

"So, why so worried? Just think of all the fun you will have making up!" He gave Merlin a knowing wink.

Merlin blushed. He didn't like falling out with Arthur. He trusted him implicitly but he wanted to be with him not separated by stone walls.

"Have you eaten yet? You look like you need a good meal and a couple of drinks under your belt, before you return to challenge your nemesis." He turned and yelled over his shoulder, "Ruby, something to fill a starving soul and two more of my usual."

Merlin quaked. Food fine, but Gawaine's drink if he were in the money was mead and Merlin could get tipsy just from the fumes. He was glad to be with someone who made him feel better but he wondered if he would not have been further ahead staying in their chamber until Arthur returned.

The meal was good and the mead with food was easier to manage. Suddenly he felt warm and quite pleased with himself. He had made a stand and had become his own person even if fortified by alcohol. He'd tell Arthur, man to man, in no uncertain terms that he was not going off to Yewdene without him!

The landlord was beginning to encourage his customers to leave. Gawaine, stood up and stretched. "Come on Merlin. Up you get, Arthur will probably be worried sick by now."

"No he won't, it's still early and he won't be expecting me till it's time for him to turn in."

Gawaine figured that as the landlord was turning everyone out that it must be close to midnight, six more hours and Arthur would be expecting to get up, let alone go to bed. "Err...Merlin, it's rather late. It's already tomorrow."

"Shit!" Merlin stood up all of a sudden and the floor hit him in the face. He raised himself on his hands and grinned up at Gawaine, "Why did you do that, Gawaine, I could have hurt myself?" Then he started giggling and Gawaine realised that he was in no state to go back to Arthur as he wouldn't get past the sentries in his condition. He hauled him up off the floor and balanced him on the bench leaning him against his leg.

Figuring that discretion was the better part of valour and to save Merlin from any more embarrassment by dragging him through the streets and bribing the guards to let him in, he stood. Slipping him arm under Merlin's, hanging on to him, he half dragged, half carried him up to his rented room. As he passed the women, with whom he had intended to spend that night he shrugged and said, "A friend in need..." leaving her to make of that exactly what she wished!

Merlin was dumped unceremoniously on the bed and Gawaine managed to remove his boots. He threw a cover over him and settled himself on the floor in the corner. This wasn't exactly how he had envisioned his first night back in Camelot!

He was awoken a couple of hours later realising that he wasn't alone. Someone was snuggled into him. He remember the three of them spending a night in a cave and how Merlin had snuggled into Arthur and how he had always felt that although Arthur never acknowledged it, he had not pushed him away.

He figured that it made no sense having both of them sleeping on the floor, he disentangled himself from Merlin, stood up, picked him up and put him on the bed and lay next to him. Merlin slept right through the whole move. Gawaine thought if he had to share a bed with someone, who was dead to the world, it might as well be Merlin. Arthur would owe him for taking good care of him. There were many other men who would have happily taken Merlin to their beds with ulterior motives.

When Gawaine finally woke to the sounds of a wakening town, once again Merlin was stuck to him like glue.

He whispered, "Merlin, time to get up..." That had no effect at all. Finally he tried, "Wakey, Wakey! It's morning."

Merlin always liked being woken by Arthur as it meant they had time to cuddle and he would slowly come awake knowing that Arthur still loved and wanted him. So, he just snuggled closer to the warm body and murmured, "Arthur, do we have time, you know...?"

Gawaine almost fell out of the bed muffling his laughter. No wonder, Arthur was crazy over this 'little baggage' as, if he weren't spoken for, he would certainly be interested himself. He carefully removed Merlin's arm from around him and slipped his other arm from under his neck, slowly edging himself away from him and moving a blanket in to block any cold air which might bring him to, too quickly.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put on his boots. He smiled to himself then walked across the room and quietly opened the door and went downstairs to get some food. He returned as quietly and Merlin was still in the 'land of nod'.

"Merlin, wake up...come on...it's daylight and Arthur needs you."

"Mmm...Arthur, me too!"

Poor Gawine, he felt as if he were eavesdropping on a lovers' conversation. He stopped and thought of the women he had bedded, and the lack of truth in many of the words of endearment he had used and received. He felt suddenly empty and he was jealous of the love which obviously Merlin and Arthur shared.

He walked over and knelt by the bed, he had to get him up now. He intended to drop him off at Gaius's and he wanted to get it done before too many staff were roaming the halls of Camelot. He knew what a mug of water in the face would do, but it seemed a shame to wake him in that manner. He reached for his feet and grabbed one of them. He held tightly to it and started gently slapping the sole of his foot. Merlin rolled over and tried to kick out with the other foot to get rid of the imprisoning hand. Gawaine hung on for dear life and finally he got through the befuddled mind of his bedmate and Merlin opened his eyes.

"Merlin, it's Gawaine, wake up! Now!"

"Gawaine, where's Arthur? Has he left? Where are the bed curtains and the window? Oh, shit! I'm dead." Merlin threw himself back on the bed and Gawaine realised that his eyes had filled with tears.

"Merlin, it's alright. You're safe. Arthur is probably still asleep. You have to get back to Camelot before he starts looking for you."

"Are you sure Arthur wasn't here? I thought I was with him...oh fuck! Gawaine, did I...?"

"Merlin, I kept you safe here all night. Just you and me. I think you had lots of dreams because of the mead but nothing happened. You behaved like a real gentleman. It'll be between us unless you want to tell Arthur where you have been..."

"Gawaine, we don't keep secrets from each other...he'll kill you and then probably me because he always thinks that you have your eye on me as it is...! That's why he is often rude to you."

The knight whom Uther always referred to as a ruffian, showed his worth when he lied saying. "Merlin, Arthur is the only one for you. He trusts you, so trust me and let me get you back to Gaius."

Holding his head Merlin said, "That might be good as I have a battle going on in my head at the moment and I don't think that I'm on the winning side!"

"Get up slowly, try to eat something, then you can swill your head under the pump and we'll walk back to the castle. The guards wouldn't have let you in last night and Arthur would have been furious over the state you were in." He handed Merlin a mug and when he pulled back from its contents, he grabbed the back of his neck and insisted he drank it, saying, "Merlin, you know the hair of the dog! Don't worry Gaius can give you something to take away the smell of alcohol."

Slowly with his hand to his head, Merlin made it downstairs and into the sunlight. He groaned and Gawaine laughed and put his arm around his shoulder and steered him up the incline, passing the guards who nodded at him and up the back stairs into Gaius's chambers.

Gaius looked up, "Thank, God, it's you with him, Gawaine! I was really worried. Arthur was here all upset last night and I hadn't a clue where Merlin was. Is he alright."

"Nothing that twenty-fours of silence and a darkened room won't cure. He's perfectly alright, I kept him with me and although he was confused and became a little amourous, he was no problem at all. Arthur is one lucky prince! You know I would never take advantage of him, I promise you Gaius nothing happened between us."

"I know you're telling the truth. Our little friend can sometimes be overwhelmed by the situation in which he finds himself especially if alcohol is involved."

"But he only had about a half mug with a full meal and he was blotto. Accused me of making the floor come up and hit him in the face," Gawaine smiled and as he reached the door turned and said, "Don't let Arthur take it out on him, will you Gaius?"

Gaius promised that he'd see everything turned out alright. He turned to the man staring into the fire and said, "Come on, get out of those clothes and get onto the cot. Arthur won't be down for some time but I wouldn't like to be in your shoes when he sees you. He's been worried out of his mind and probably got little sleep. Not unlike you, who from what Gawaine said, were dead to the world most of the night."

Merlin yawned, once again he felt safe but this time, in a room he knew, "Gaius, don't tell him Gawaine was involved, I don't want Arthur to kill him because of me!"

"Go to sleep, Merlin. Arthur will be here once Sir William's party has left," but Merlin only processed, 'Go to sleep' and ever the obedient servant, he drifted off.

Gaius looked at him and shook his head, wondering what it was about Merlin that could melt the hearts of so many people including an experienced knight like Gawaine...


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 : HEART TO HEART**

Gaius woke Merlin mid-afternoon. He was feeling better but infinitely more upset than when he had arrived with Gawaine shortly after daybreak. Gaius was slightly worried as he hadn't heard from Arthur during the day but attributed it to the business of lunch and the duke's departure.

Merlin wouldn't acknowledge it but he was feeling uneasy. If Arthur would only walk in, he would know just by looking at him how he felt and he would be able to tune himself on the same wave length and get this stupid business behind him.

"Well, Gaius, I'm off to the lion's den and if you never see me again, speak kindly of me when you discuss my faults and virtues with your cronies."

Gaius smiled, promising that he would but he knew that Merlin was putting on a brave face as he was worried. He felt like telling him to hang in, as the Arthur he knew, really loved him and that all the little bumps and problems along the way could be ironed out because their relationship was solid. "What's the worse thing he will do, a couple of hours in the stocks?"

'Or kick me out of his bed forever...' thought Merlin. He made his way through the corridors without thinking too much about anything. Household staff walked by him but he didn't acknowledge any of them as his mind was preoccupied. Suddenly a voice broke through and he realised a senior squire was addressing him.

"Merlin, are you alright? I had to do Arthur this morning and he wasn't in the best frame of mind. He was impatient and calling you for everything. I don't think that he was as much mad, as he was worried. You'd better get to him as it's you he really wants."

"Thanks, Gavin. Sorry he was unpleasant to work for but I'm on my way there now."

"Did you two have a fight or something? I asked him if he needed me again at supper but he said, that he hoped you'd be back but that he'd let me know."

Merlin turned took a deep breath and continued down the corridor. He heard people coming up the stairs so he held back.

Arthur and Gielbert reached the top of the stairs, Gielbert was grinning and Arthur put his hand around his shoulders and said, "That's great news, let's hope Donatienne continues to do well. Next thing, we'll be celebrating in Camelot, will be the baby's arrival." As he said it, Arthur's heart clenched but he managed to smile.

"Thanks, Arthur, I'll tell her." And with that, Gielbert turned and retraced his way to the married knights' quarters.

"Are you waiting for me?"

Merlin realised that Arthur had seen him. "That depends on you? It seems to me that you have little need of me and I was wondering if maybe we shouldn't have a heart to heart as to whether or not I should move out of our chambers." Merlin cringed as he listened to the way he was addressing Arthur. Was he a fool? He didn't want to move out. Yet, he was giving the impression that that was what he preferred.

Arthur stopped, 'Was Merlin giving him an ultimatum? Was he considering leaving him for good?' He turned and looked at this person who was almost more important to him than even himself; for whom he would even give up his kingdom if it came down to it. This man who made his life so complete was standing talking about his responsibilities as a manservant not his closeness as an equal. What had he done to him to make him believe that it was now only within those confines that their lives together existed?

He hesitated, telling himself to think but the next thing he did was let his heart have free rein and he walked back grabbed his manservant's hand and pulled him down the corridor into his chamber where they entered as equals.

Arthur spun around as he entered the room and held him against the door, locking it. He placed his hands on each side of Merlin's shoulders and said, "Don't, Merlin, ever leave me like that. If it hadn't been that my father would have subsequently killed you, I would have had the guards out searching for you last night. Where did you get too? I checked the turret room and it was empty so that was when I panicked. Even Gaius didn't know where you were?"

Merlin pulled away, he couldn't yet stand being so close to Arthur. If this was to be the end, let it continue from last night's separation not start again as of this moment. He couldn't trust himself; he needed to talk. He had a few things to clear up, the night with Gawaine being one of them. He went to stand before the fire, trying to find the words which he wished to say and not let his mouth babble on as it had previously. He turned and faced the subdued Arthur who had trailed after him.

"Arthur, I know that we will never be equals in the eyes of most of Camelot but stupidly, I had come to believe that your love for me was for an equal not a subordinate. I can do nothing about my birth status and the fact that I am inferior to a Crown Prince. But Arthur, don't treat me as a servant unless you really mean it and should you feel that way, then I think my time serving you has come to an end.

"I am a person like you, with feelings and your not wanting me with you at Yewdene was too much for me to understand and then not wanting me with you in the dining hall reinforced the awful realisation that our time together is possibly over. I will not deny that I love you intensely but unless that love is returned, it has no chance of living and thriving and finally with bitterness it dies. I am sorry to be leaving you but I don't want to always be on edge...unable to be sure...which position you want me to assume in your life."

Suddenly, he realised what he had just said and burst out laughing. He was annoyed with himself but then he heard his laughter echoed by Arthur and he looked straight at him and saw the look of absolute delight on Arthur's face. He realised that a slip of his tongue had thrown them back twenty-four hours and everything negative which had happened in between was lost to the past.

"Merlin, I was coming back upstairs to get you. Ask Rupert! However, I walked into the king who insisted that we enter the dining hall together. I felt sick but some things are beyond my control. As soon as I could excuse myself from the supper, I raced back to you but you were gone and I waited but you never came back. I even woke up Gaius but he said that the last time he had seen you, he was on his way to supper and you had left him to go and get changed. I really botched up the whole evening... I knew you would be there this morning but you weren't... Gavin dressed me. Lunch came and still you were missing, so I had to see the duke off and then...I saw you in the corridor.

"I was scared that you were going to run so that was why I grabbed you and brought you home. You don't need to explain anything. I thought that I was playing a funny trick until Rupert showed me that maybe I had gone overboard with it. We're alright again aren't we?"

Merlin smiled and moved so that he could grab Arthur's hand and drag him to their seat in front of the fire. "I love you, Arthur no matter what position you hold in Camelot or whatever-your-name is. I won't stop loving you regardless of how far we are separated. There is only one love for me and that's you!" He ran his hand over Arthur's cheek and supporting his chin turned it so that he was better able to kiss him, gently then demandingly then gently again.

He did love him, sometimes so much that it hurt. He knew that he was in the right place at the right time as far as Arthur's and his life were concerned. Together they should be able to weather any storm. Looking at the fire and feeling Arthur beside him, he silently wished that everyone could at least once in their lifetime, experience a union of two minds, an expression of adult love.

A little later, Arthur snuggled closer to him, running his lips over his neck and whispered hoarsely, "Now, Merlin what exactly was it about those positions you were to assume...in my life?"

"Are we dining alone, Sire?"

* * *

><p>The room was bathed in firelight, when Arthur turned towards the only man in his life and ran his fingers through his hair and across his forehead. He traced his cheekbones, his lips and his chin. He had disturbed him and slowly Merlin's eyes opened and sought his. His heart quickened at the depth of love and trust in them. Arthur smiled, "Are you alright?"<p>

"Yes and you?"

"Satiated!"

Merlin grinned, "See, Arthur, hang around with me and your vocabulary will increase a hundred-fold."

He snuggled back into him and remembered his dream from last night with Gawaine, that he and Arthur were in bed and... He sat up and lit another bedside candle. "Do you feel secure in our love, secure enough that I can confess something that might be mildly irritating to you?"

Arthur pulled him back into his arms, "Merlin My Love, nothing you can tell me in my current state will irritate or annoy me, unless it has to do with any other person competing for your love." Merlin knew that he stiffened slightly and felt Arthur pick up on it. "Oh, Merlin, please don't tell me that you allowed someone else to have sex with you?"

"No, Arthur, I belong only to you and I would never...well, never willingly give myself to anyone else." He had a flashback to Cave Two, that man, the pain and the embarrassment... He shuddered and tried to chase the memories away.

Arthur seemed inexplicitly to have the same thought and murmured, "Merlin, don't go there! Stay away from those memories. Stay here with me...we belong only to each other and no one else, we both know that."

"Can I tell you where I was last night? Years ago, we promised that we would keep no secrets which might harm our relationship. Hear me out." He felt more confident as Arthur snuggled into him putting his head on his chest and placing little kisses there.

Arthur figured that Gidun was soon to come into this conversation and smiled. Knowing Merlin, he had probably gone to tell him all about his problems and stayed in the stable. He smiled into the candlelight.

Merlin took a deep breath and explained how he had left the castle and met up with a friend in the Rising Sun. Said friend offered him a meal and he had a drink, "Arthur, you didn't want me with you...I was feeling sorry for myself and I got carried away and drank a whole measure of mead, with food mind you but all the same when I went to leave...it felt as if I had no legs. I couldn't get home and my friend offered to share his room with me..."

Arthur moved away, "It's Gawaine, isn't it? That no good scoundrel, no longer will I stand up for him with the king. He's out of Camelot for good. That's it! If he lay even his little finger on you in anyway, jokingly or seriously, I'll see him, hanged, drawn and quartered! I will, Merlin, honestly..."

"Arthur, listen, it's my story and you mustn't interrupt. Listen to me! Don't jump to conclusions as there are none to jump to. We went upstairs and he sat me on the bed. I vaguely remember feeling lonely as no one was with me. I dreamt of you and wanted to be back here with you but I couldn't remember why I wasn't. Do you know, how strange it is to sleep by yourself when you are used to always sharing a bed with someone you love? I really at one point thought you were with me but the next thing I knew something was holding onto my foot and telling me to wake up. I was shocked to open my eyes and not see the bed curtains and the window..."

"... and hopefully me?" A subdued voice beside him said. Merlin turned and gave him that smile which would break even a stone heart and Arthur realised that Merlin would never lie to him especially about his love.

"He got me breakfast and made me drink a few more sips of mead, something to do with 'the hair of a horse'," Merlin could feel Arthur laughing... "Well, I think that's what he said and then got me back to Gaius's."

He felt more confident, "Don't get mad at Gawaine. He did what needed to be done. I could have been taken in by anyone but he is one person whom I trust completely. He knows how we feel about each other and he has never made a move on me even though he jokes about it continually. I'd even trust him to spend a night with you and I wouldn't worry or feel upset."

"Thanks but no thanks!" said Arthur, "You, Merlin are one of the most trusting people around. It might one day be your undoing but as long as I am around, I will keep you safe."

"So, you accept my explanation and promise me that you won't take it out on Gawaine when you next see him."

Arthur smiled and said, "Only if you will now show me what you would have done if I had been in that room instead of Gawaine...!"

So, Merlin did!

* * *

><p>The sunlight, filtering through the clouds and intermittently lighting the room, disturbed Merlin. He could feel Arthur against his back and knew that all was right with the world. He'd been truthful even if he hadn't mentioned how sure he had been at one point that he was not alone on the bed but he knew that nothing untoward had happened and was quite satisfied with his confession to Arthur. He'd have to watch out the next time Gawaine and Arthur met up but hopefully Arthur could see that his love had no recipient but him.<p>

He turned over to get out of bed and so doing, woke Arthur. "I'm famished, I think I heard breakfast arriving. He padded over and unlocked the door to the antechamber and returned with food.

Arthur stretched spread eagle in the bed so Merlin put the platters between his legs. "Let's eat in bed. What's on your agenda for today?" He said slipping back into bed, he rearranged his pillows and brought the platters up closer to them. Arthur wouldn't sit up so Merlin kept leaning over and dropping morsels of food in his mouth. "If you choke because you are playing at being a baby, don't blame me."

He only responded, "I'm thirsty."

"Then sit up properly..."

"No, Merlin, you figure out a way for me to drink lying down."

Merlin twisted the corner of the sheet and dipped the tip of it into a goblet of watered wine. He pulled it up carefully and manoeuvered it over to Arthur, only to have it drip on his neck. The second drip made his chin then as Arthur tried to catch the third drip it rolled over his cheek to the pillow.

"Oops!"

He tried again but he was hopeless. He had seen mothers do this in the market place with toddlers but Arthur's inclination to anticipate the drops made it more difficult. Finally, he said, "This is my last effort, after this you will get up and drink like a normal human being or go thirsty." He dipped his finger into the goblet and nursing a drop, got it to Arthur's mouth.

Arthur sucked on his finger and, "More..." was the only comment he received.

Watching as the wheels began to turn in Merlin's head, Arthur knew that he was planning something but hadn't a clue what it would be.

Merlin asked Arthur to kiss him but to wait for him to take a drink, then as their lips met he allowed the wine to flow into Arthur's mouth. Success at last! The second time they tried it however, Merlin had a fit of the giggles and soaked Arthur. Out of the five times they tried it, three were successful, the fifth time, Arthur raised himself up to meet Merlin's lips and accidentally put too much pressure on them and instead of receiving a measured amount he received a mouthful which rushed down his throat causing him to gasp and cough.

Merlin hauled him into a seated position and smacked him on the back and when he finally got his breath Arthur said, "Remind me never to depend on you for sustenance. I'm soaked and sticky. Look at the mess of me!"

"Well, it was your idea to play the silly game. However, if we practice really hard, we could maybe make this into the latest craze and introduce it in the dining hall. I can just see the king's face, not that he would criticise the act just your choice of a partner. Anyway, you have to get up so I'm no longer playing." Merlin got out of bed even though Arthur had tried to grab his wrist.

Once, Arthur had finished eating, had washed and been dressed, Merlin had to face the laundry as the state of the sheets and pillow cases was proof that Arthur had not been very successful drinking lying down. "You made a real mess. No more breakfasting in bed for you."

"Oh, by the way, Merlin, are we packed? We're leaving for Yewdene this afternoon...Humphrey will accompany us."

Merlin spun on him. The laundry fell to the ground as he wrapped his arms around Arthur and soundly kissed him, imprisoning him in his arms and telling him that he needed an hour to be ready to leave.

"I'll help..."

"No, you won't, I think that I will be faster by myself. Invariably when you help, we end up back in bed. Off you go, do something useful, notify the stables that we will need the horses, a groom and a packhorse and send word that we want a packed lunch. Do they know we are coming?"

Arthur sheepishly confessed that they had known a week ago. Merlin aimed a wet pillowcase in his direction which he handily caught and aimed back. Merlin ducked in time.

Arthur left and Merlin went into the hallway and waylaid a page sending him to the laundry to ask that one of the maids come to the royal chamber to collect the prince's laundry. He quickly made up the bed with fresh linens. As soon as the girl had picked up the laundry, he locked the door and turned to the room.

He felt uncomfortable using magic but the thought of packing was beyond him. By the time, he eyes were again shades of blue, two small chests were packed and ready for the servants to take to the stables. He hoped Arthur had remembered about the packhorse.

He unlocked the door and opened the window wide. It was a beautiful late summer day and he shivered in anticipation, realising that soon they would be on their way and tonight they would sleep at Yewdene. With a glance, he had the room spic and span. Merlin laughed to himself as Arthur never realised the length of time cleaning a room might take and was just happy to see it tidy.

There was a tap on the door and Merlin opened it to Gavin, "The prince says that he will meet you at Castle Farm when you are ready."

Merlin gave a glance around the room and said, "Ready as I'll ever be! Let's go."

"You'll have to take good care of him, Merlin, as he is taking Iago and he can be quite a handful."

"Don't worry Gidun is very good and even the most difficult horse seems to pick up on how steady he is and settles down after a little while."

* * *

><p>True to his word, Arthur had remembered everything and when Merlin and Humphrey arrived with the groom and the packhorse at Castle Farm, Iago was dancing around in the stable yard. He looked fantastic, he had filled out and was one of the more handsome of Solomon's sons, a deep rich chestnut with an extremely full mane and tail. It took two grooms to hang onto him as Arthur mounted but once he was in the saddle and the novelty of leaving his stable mates had sunk in, Iago sort of settled and the five horses left the yard.<p>

Merlin turned and smiled at Arthur who looked every part the future king on a magnificent stallion. He caught his breath as he realised that this man had chosen him as his lifelong love and realised that should anything happen to him, his own life would be over.

As long as they kept moving, Iago behaved himself but given any opportunity he would swing his quarters across the track and throw his head around threatening Gidun who glared at him as a father might a badly behaved six year old. 'Wait, till I tell your mother...!' was the message which Gidun seemed to be sending.

Arthur laughed at his behaviour but Merlin was worried that during one of the encounters, Arthur might lose control and Gidun would be nipped. Mulgan was a much better behaved horse. Arthur laughed when Merlin drew this to his attention. "He's just feeling his oats, he'll settle and I really don't think that there is a nasty bone in his body. He's just showing Gidun who's the boss, bragging to him because he is being ridden by a prince.

"The king is quite taken with him and wants to use him at stud within the next two years. He's completely spoiled by the stable hands as no one wants to break his spirit." With that Iago spun around and if Gidun hadn't had the foresight to get out of his way, he'd have had a hoof print on his flank.

"Arthur, that's not funny. You're letting him get away with it. If anything happens to Gidun, it will be a big stumbling block in our relationship."

"Merlin, Iago's a stallion, he sees Gidun as a non-entity."

"Well, if he doesn't settle down soon, I might be taking care of that situation as well!"

"How could you even think of that! Poor horse, he doesn't deserve that. Don't listen to him, Iago, he's just happy with his gelding and doesn't understand the pleasure of riding a good stallion." He looked sideways at Merlin, grinning with raised eyebrows. Merlin smiled, shook his head at him and leant over to whisper some encouraging words to Gidun.

Arthur turned in the saddle to call back to the groom. He placed his hand on the horse's rump as he would with Mulgan and Iago's rear, rocketed sky high throwing him forward on the saddle. He still had control but Merlin could tell by the sharp intake of breath that not only Arthur's pride had been hurt! He couldn't resist so he looked sideways at him and winked saying, "What was that about the pleasure of riding a good stallion, eh Sire?"

Arthur turned to scowl and then he grinned saying, "Your loss, Merlin." He then put his horse into a canter and left the others to catch up when they could. Merlin had to laugh as Iago so full of spirit and lording it over the others, then decided that he really didn't want to leave them and Arthur had to concentrate on keeping him ahead of them.

Turning to Humphrey, Merlin said, "Stallion or not, he'd still got a herd mentality. He knows there is safety in numbers." Humphrey laughed.

They reached the hill overlooking the valley and stopped for a break, about one more hour to go before descending into Yewdene. The horses were watered and rested, the riders had enjoyed their meal and Arthur was able to mount Iago with only Rob standing at his head. The stallion had settled noticeably.

"See, I told you he'd come round. Do you want to try him Merlin?"

"No thank you, I'll give you that pleasure, anyway Gidun doesn't like being ridden by anyone else."

"Oh is that so, or is it maybe that Merlin isn't that adventurous?"

"Arthur, I have ridden many a horse and I'm quite a capable rider. At least, my horse always goes where I ask him with a minimum of fuss and frustration."

Arthur laughed, that was true, Gidun would follow Merlin into any thicket and try his best to do whatever Merlin expected of him. Then again, he could never remember any horse causing Merlin trouble, they seemed to like him and completely trust him. Merlin would probably have a few words with Iago before he mounted him and he would become a sensible mount not the hellion that he was.

They had reached the hill going down into Yewdene and could see the rooftops of the village and on a rise across the valley, the Manor House. 'Home away from home,' thought Merlin...he turned to smile at Arthur who grinned back...


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 : YEWDENE REVISTED**

Merlin grinned from the time he saw the manor until he was welcomed at the door by the housekeeper Bessie and Estate Manager Frank.

Bessie was thrilled to have the Crown prince back at Yewdene, she greeting him with a small curtsy and the words, "Welcome Home, Sire!" She then turned to Merlin and added, "Happy to see you, Sir."

Merlin took her hands and thanked her for the warm welcome.

Arthur smiled. Both the housekeeper and the Estate Manager knew that the prince was now the intended owner of the manor as explained to them by Sir Geoffrey on his last visit. They were very pleased to have such an illustrious person in his own home for a few days.

Frank explained that the master's suites had been redecorated and were now at the prince's disposal as Sir Geoffrey preferred to remain in his old suite of rooms. Humphrey would be occupying one of the lesser guest rooms and would act as a liaison with the Yewdene staff. He had done it on the few occasions that Arthur had stayed there particularly when he had been invited as a child with Rudd while Lady Imelda and Lord Mawley, Geoffrey's parents were alive.

Frank took Arthur up to his new chambers as Merlin followed behind. Frank mentioned that after their ride, Bessie had suggested that they might prefer to dine in their private dining chamber. Arthur nodded. Frank was very discrete and never questioned Merlin's being continually with the prince.

Merlin was impressed, two bedrooms, two water closets, a lounge and small dining room and a lovely solar where Lady Imelda had probably spent much of her time. The colours were subdued and definitely to his taste, earthy tones accentuated with a sea foam green and light sand tone. He explored all the rooms marveling at the richness of the furnishings. The rooms had a woman's touch to them which softened the heavy masculinity of many of the chambers at Camelot. He filed some of the ideas away for the turret room, he kept repeating, "Bring the outside, in!"

Arthur called, "Merlin, where are you and what are you muttering about?"

He came back into the larger bedchamber and said, "It's the colours, they are so relaxing and beautiful, we could be out in the woods or even on the beach."

"Well, if you would have been satisfied to sleep in the woods, why did we bother coming all the way here?"

"Arthur, sometimes you have no heart, your feelings were arrested somewhere in your fourteenth year and you can be blind to beautiful things."

"Well, I know one beautiful thing, when I see it." Arthur walked over to him and standing in front of him, ran his fingers through Merlin's hair and down his neck. Merlin involuntarily shivered. Arthur carefully slipped the neckerchief out of the top of his jacket and leaning in to kiss him, managing to undo the knots and pull it away from Merlin's throat. He then ran his hands up Merlin's chest to his shoulders and eased his jacket off, letting it slip to the floor behind him.

'Something else to pick up...' thought Merlin but his mind was soon preoccupied and scattered clothing was of little importance.

Arthur led him to the broad window seat in the solar and they half sat, half lay on the many soft cushions enjoying the warm sun and the fact of being together with no interruptions. Finally, Arthur was snoring softly and Merlin smiled; every snore ruffled the hair on the top of his head. He lay contentedly against Arthur who had his arms around him. Opportunities like this gave him the time to consider how lucky he was to have returned to Camelot to find Arthur and that there was something between them which grew into this wonderful love. He played with Arthur's fingers, counting calluses and scars. He'd keep him as safe as he could, now if Arthur would only be sensible and cooperate... Slowly, his eyes got heavier and he began to be mesmerized by the rise and fall of Arthur's chest, his eyes closed and he slept.

"_No! Not now! They had been so careful!_

_He could smell the fire and the smoke was catching in his lungs. He tried to see who else was there but he was alone and then a knight rode into the circle and reaching down grabbed him._

"_...and why would you be standing here in the flames, like an idiot! Come on, we have to escape."_

_Without a thought, he raised him arms and was lifted up_

"_No! Not now!" A cry echoed as Gawaine took him and spirited him away._

_Merlin turned back and yelled, "Arthur?"_

A voice said, "Wake up Silly Billy, you're dreaming. You almost had both of us on the floor." The sun was setting and the solar was becoming chilled. "Whatever was that all about? You were coughing and rubbing your eyes and you kept repeating 'No!' Whatever it was it must have been a nightmare! I sometimes wonder where you get to in your dreams and I feel left out. It is as if you have another life about which I know absolutely nothing..."

Merlin swallowed, Arthur didn't realise how close to the truth he was, so he said, "It's the same with you but your dreams are always militaristic. You shout at your knights and curse at me. You say the most awful things. I sometimes want to cover my ears as your language is so coarse and I'm embarrassed."

Arthur hugged him even closer and said, "Oh yes! This, coming from the man who announces that he might be going to use a four-lettered word by blushing. I love you Merlin, you make my life so enjoyable but if you don't get off me soon, I will be unable to walk as your hip is pressing on a nerve and my leg is going asleep."

"Don't worry, I could help you to the bed and kiss it better."

Arthur laughed, "Yeah right! As if it would end there..."

They had retired to the lounge and were sitting near the fire, when there was a discreet tap at the door. Merlin got up walked down the hall to the antechamber and unlocked it. Humphrey entered, announcing that supper would be arriving within the hour. He said, "Is everything to your satisfaction or is there something the prince needs? Do you want me to unpack the travelling chests?"

Merlin assured him that everything was under control and that he had already done the chests. "Is everything alright with you, Humphrey?"

Humphrey's eyes lit up and he said, "Young master, I feel as if I am living in the lap of luxury."

Merlin smiled, "Same for us! It really feels like a home."

Following an excellent meal, Merlin decided to write to his mother, he liked to keep her abreast of their goings on and he had not been in touch since his letter telling her the sad news of Baby Merlin's death. Arthur insisted that he wanted to also add to the missive so by the time it was finished and the pounce had been shaken over it to dry the ink it was time to turn in. They'd had a long day and were ready for bed.

Arthur kept flexing his shoulder and his arms and Merlin realised that Iago's continual pulling and fighting had made Arthur stiff. "Do you want me to rub you down with liniment? I packed some."

"No, I think I'm alright." He settled gingerly in bed and moved around until he was comfortable.

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed, "Would you prefer if I slept in the other chamber?"

"What do you think, Merlin?"

"Well, as a court physician's assistant I could see the merit in it. But as Merlin, I would prefer that you insist that I slipped in beside you, trying not to jostle you too much."

Arthur smiled, "Well, I guess that's it then, I insist that you stay here." He waited for Merlin to settle and then took his hand, kissed it and said, "Good night, Merlin My Love!"

So Merlin lay on his stomach next to Arthur with his arm carefully over his chest, protecting his prince from any evils which might befall him during the night.

* * *

><p>It was the insistent tapping on the door the next morning which woke him up. Humphrey apologized with a smile but said that unless they had breakfast within the next hour, it would be time for lunch.<p>

"Is it that late? It's overcast and I have no idea of what time it is. Arthur woke up still sore from his battles with Iago and I convinced him to take something Gaius had prepared, he did so and then fell back to sleep. Can you send up something light for me, maybe just fruit, cheese and bread? He should feel better by the time lunch comes around. Personally, I think he enjoys being babied..."

"Liked nothing better as a child. When he felt sick, he liked me to build a tent on his bed and then he would quite happily climb in and stay there until he felt better. Gaius thought it was great as it meant that he stayed in his room and rested until he felt well enough to get up and continue terrorizing the castle. It seems years ago but every now and again, he says or does something which reminds me of the independent ten year old he was, when I started as his manservant. Those were happy years!"

Merlin laughed, he could imagine the fun and games Arthur had got up to in his younger years. He'd learned about his growing up predominantly from Gaius but also Geoffrey, Rupert and Leon had wanted to have their input. It surprised him that they had so much in common as certainly their childhoods had been at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Merlin ate his breakfast on his knee in front of the fire. He hoped that autumn wasn't going to be a rainy windy. Nothing went through you, quite like the east wind. The sun started to show through the clouds and he made his way to check on Arthur. He was still dead to the world so he laid out his clothes and asked for hot water so that Arthur could bathe. There was a fireplace in the main water closet and copper cauldrons would heat the water once the servants brought it up.

Arthur began to stir and Merlin watched him. He loved just sitting watching Arthur. He remembered how when he had first seen him at Camelot he had been afraid to be caught staring at him but now he could stare away to his heart's content. His tousled hair was over his eyes and he knew that at any moment he would brush it away, yawn and stretch. He did exactly that and raised his head towards the faint sun shining in the window. As usual the first word out of his mouth was Merlin.

"Merlin? What time is it?

"You have had a good sleep and missed breakfast but I kept you some fruit and a little cider. How are your arms and your back? The water has been delivered for your bath and I think a good soak will help those muscles."

Arthur grimaced as he swung his legs to the floor. Merlin stood ready with his dressing gown and house shoes.

He sat at the table and had a snack but said that he was looking forward to soaking in hot water. Merlin went and checked that the water was warming and gave it a little help. He smiled and used pitchers to fill the bath. He had refused any help from the other servants as he was more than able to do it himself. He put some oil into the bath, laid out the towels and fetched the soap.

Arthur lowered himself gingerly into the water and sighed. "I should have done this last night before bed, I didn't realise how stiff I was going to get."

"Don't worry, we can take it easy this afternoon, just walk around checking on things and maybe visit the Home Farm and the merlins. Nothing strenuous and no riding, you obviously overdid it yesterday. I'm going to have a chat with Iago before you next ride him and tell him that if he doesn't want to go to France and become filet mignon, he'd better shape up or he will be shipped out!"

Arthur laughed, "You never forgot that did you? He's a great horse but maybe it was just too long an excursion for his first outing. I'll have to see that he is ridden out more often. Let's visit Roger first, I want to see the falcons."

"Do you think that there are still those huge fish in the water gardens?" Then Merlin became silent as he remembered Gaétan sitting on the bench talking and Julian, Geoffrey's nephew, coming along and hitting him. He felt sick. Geoffrey had never mentioned his nephew again as he was still embarrassed that a family member would have acted so brutally. Anyway for all intents and purposes, Yewdene was a happier place as it now belonged to Arthur.

He turned to him and said, "How does it feel being the owner of such a charming house and estate? Does it make you happy?"

"Probably, the same that it makes you feel, as it also belongs to you. It is our place, remember that is what Geoffrey said. Is there any more hot water? I don't want to get out of the bath as it is so nice but the water is cooling off."

Merlin got up and walked to the cauldron over the fire, the water with tepid but will a quick gesture of his hand, hot water it became. He walked over with a pitcher.

Arthur said, "That was lucky that it was still hot, now don't burn me! I never really trust you with a pitcher of anything, as I've had water all over my sleeves and even wine in my lap. Do you remember Uther's face as you tripped and bathed me in wine? Honestly, Merlin, it was one of the funnier events in the dining hall that year."

Merlin grinned and made sure that the water temperature would do no damage to the royal body. He then stood behind the prince and carefully raised the temperature slightly until he saw Arthur relax again. "That's the end of the water, so the next time it cools off you can get dried and dressed as lunch should be arriving soon after that. Look at your hands, the skin on your fingers is all puckered."

Looking shocked Arthur said, "You surprise me, Merlin, you didn't even blush that time!"

"You know what I said, puckered meaning folded or wrinkled. Honestly..." Arthur went to grab his wrist but Merlin danced out of the way, he didn't want to have to change and he saw that look in Arthur's eyes which would have quite happily had him soaking wet as well.

Lunch was served and they ate in the solar as it was bright and Merlin preferred it to the dining room.

Humphrey smiled as one of the servants had mentioned as they were setting a small table in there, that this was the favourite room of Lady Imelda who often lunched there when she was alive. He would have to remember to tell Arthur.

Later they walked around the water gardens and sure enough the huge fish were still there. They trailed over to the paddocks which once held Lord Mawley's private zoo but now there were only a few young deer and a three legged goat. Home Farm was their next stop and the family was still red-haired. One of the lads explained that the deer were his and his Da had allowed him to raise them as they had been orphans.

Arthur and Merlin were invited to have tea and fresh scones with strawberry jam and thick clotted cream. Merlin was sorry as he had had so much lunch that he could only manage one scone but the farmer's wife told him to ask her sister, Bessie the housekeeper to make some for the main house. He could then have them for breakfast.

The falconer had joined them as he was awaiting for orders regarding the merlins. Arthur agreed that if it was clear tomorrow he would like to spend some time hunting with them. He gave Merlin a friendly punch and smiled saying, "Maybe while Merlin is in the kitchen stuffing himself with scones..."

They stopped at the stables to see Iago and Gidun. As soon as Merlin walked in Gidun called to him and Arthur just stood and watched as the horse showed him as only a horse could how much he loved Merlin. He ran his muzzle all over his chest and face, puffing at him and then rested his head on his shoulder. Arthur felt a little jealous of the gelding as Merlin had the look on his face which Arthur often felt was reserved for him alone.

"Aren't you going to talk to Iago?"

"He doesn't know me."

"Well what better time than now to get acquainted properly." He walked over to the stallion and got hold of his halter, Iago went to nip him but Merlin ignored that chuffing at him, saying, "Easy...!" until he settled.

"Iago, I am Merlin, Arthur's friend and lover..." he turned and grinned at Arthur, "Now, Arthur's not used to talking to horses, so I want you to know that he thinks that you are especially handsome." The whole time Merlin was running his hand over the horse's head in little circles, Iago seemed in a trance. He let Merlin scratch his ears and he lowered his head towards him for more attention. "See, he only wants to be your friend...just like me." Merlin questioningly nodded his head and smiled at Arthur.

Arthur could only think of one thing and that had nothing to do with horses! "Very clever, Merlin."

"Come over here and put you hands on mine and we'll switch hands and he will do the same thing for you."

Arthur put his hand over Merlin's and slowly picked up the rhythm and the pressure. Carefully, Merlin pulled his hand back so that it was Arthur's hand that was making circles and it was toward Arthur that Iago was stretching for attention.

"Arthur, I love horses... well, not as much as I love you...but you know what I mean."

Arthur said, "Iago, I can't give you anymore attention as I have someone else who needs me to look after him, right now but I will see you again tomorrow."

As the two of them left, the groom mentioned to one of the stable hands that Arthur's manservant had a way with horses which had never been learned as it was innate.

* * *

><p>Arthur and Merlin were back on their favourite window seat when Arthur said, "Merlin, talk to me like you did to Iago and, I will also do whatever you want!"<p>

"Anything? Like fill the bath with hot water and let me relax for a couple of hours?"

"Well, that wasn't exactly what I had in mind but...why not?"

"I'm kidding...let's see." He took Arthur's face in his hand and gently ran his fingers over his mouth and nose, he ran his lips along the outer rim of his ear and down his hairline. It made Arthur quiver. Merlin snuffled into his ears and said softly, "You're the best boy in the whole world. I know that I can trust you and you will do everything within your power to keep me safe and help me to escape from danger. I see that you are clever and very handsome but you must be kind and gentle with me. No bullying or being jealous of other horses when I am with them..." Here Merlin paused and added with a twinkle in his eyes, "Especially Gidun! I know that you are well schooled but you have to learn that you are not the most important person. No biting, nipping or kicking..."

Arthur started to laugh and Merlin kissed him in the middle of his forehead and lay back against him. "Merlin, I might bite and nip but I never kick..."

"Arthur believe me sometimes, after really bad nightmares, I'm bruised from your thrashing around."

"You should wake me up..."

"You don't think I haven't tried! I'm not talking about tossing and turning and carrying on one sided conversations, I'm talking about real nightmares when you are a danger not only to yourself but to me. I'm sure it is when you are really stressed about something the king has said."

"Then take it up with the king, tell him to stop stressing me out because as a result, it is too difficult to sleep with me."

"...and I'm sure that would go over well! Sire, could you refrain from upsetting your son as his overactive mind means that sharing a bed with him is not as rewarding as it usually is..."

Arthur burst out laughing visualising the king's reaction but then he became serious and looked sad as he thought about the outcome of Merlin's stating the truth.

Merlin realised what was going through his mind and he said, "Arthur, don't go there! Don't worry, we are always so careful. We have surrounded ourselves with trustworthy people. We have to be thankful for the years we have had together. Regardless of what might happen, I will never regret loving you."

Arthur knew then and there, that he would fight tooth and nail to save Merlin if the truth ever came out. He knew what the results would be but he would fight anyway. He would not standby and watch Merlin burn until he had exhausted every avenue available to him. He would if necessary bargain with the king, Merlin's life in exile for his complete and utter obedience to any of the king's wishes. He would run these scenarios through his mind some nights when he couldn't sleep and Merlin was curled beside him snoring softly.

He loved Merlin. He loved a man and nothing was going to stop that love, nothing in the world...

He reflected on his father, Uther paid scant attention to servants. A servant's life was worthless compared to that of a good horse. He gave them little credit for their work and apart from Richard his manservant and Mark his current squire, he seldom acknowledged them even though life in the castle depended entirely upon them. Arthur having been raised by Gaius, valued people and knew that Camelot was not only as strong as its leader but also its knights and citizens.

He realised that his father was practically friendless; friendship for him was defined as an extension of alliances and allegiances with equals. He'd heard the king being disrespectful to Gaius and Sir Geoffrey by scolding them usually in front of him. His senior advisors and council members were not beyond getting a forceful tongue lashing. He was a difficult man to live with and Arthur wondered, when he took over the reins of the kingdom, if he would begin to copy his father's ways.

Merlin moved against him and all awful thoughts and worries were swept away as he knew that he would never be friendless and alone, as long as Merlin was in his life. He smiled, he was satisfied with his little group of friends, he trusted and admired them. They were hardworking and brave...men of good conscience, tried and true.

"You're worried about something aren't you? I can feel the stress in you body. Relax, leave all our worries back in Camelot and enjoy the moment."

"I was just thinking of my father and his lonely life...and how different my attitude is towards people."

Merlin grinned lazily and said, "Arthur, could you maybe put that last sentiment of yours into action and show me. Soon, Humphrey will be announcing that supper is due to be served. But even a short time, should allow you to convince me of your positive outlook towards..."

"Here and now?"

"Yes, please Sire. Do you remember _Chapter: X, Page: XL, Subsection: IV,_ no maybe _V_? No! Well, then let me refresh your memory..."

Arthur's mind flashed back momentarily to their first couple of weeks as lovers and he realised they had matured and so the Crown Prince allowed his manservant to lead the way, thanking Gaius's compendium for its wealth of knowledge and Merlin for his skills of interpretation...


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 : CAVES REVISTED **

Arthur woke early. The sky was orange and the morning promised to be fine and the falcons would fly.

He turned on his side, watching Merlin carefully; his face was relaxed seeming as if he had not a care in the world. Arthur knew otherwise and he was sad to think that the closer they would get to the castle then Merlin would reappear with a more watchful and guarded demeanor. His Merlin was carefree and open. He wished him to be like that continually not only when confined to their chambers but it wasn't to be. Once their chamber door was unlocked, their castle lifestyle would come into effect. No physical contact, no soft glances and secret smiles, no behaviour which would alert anyone not in the know, that their relationship was more than the normal one between a prince and his trusted manservant, personal but not loving.

There were days when Arthur's body screamed for even a fleeting touch but for either of them to act on it would be disastrous. It was not just a workplace relationship which would be frowned upon and might even result in dismissal of one of the parties, their relationship would be punishable by death.

He memorized again every feature of the man lying beside him, he couldn't understand how that fleeting glance as a ten year old had exploded into this mind consuming passion for another. He wanted to waken him so he could see his eyes when they first made contact with his but he refrained. Merlin was on holiday and he could wait until he woke by himself and gave Arthur that smile which said more than words could ever express,

But, he couldn't wait, he didn't have the inner strength so he softly blew in his face and waited. Nothing happened, no unsettled head, furrowed brow, fluttered eyelids, relaxed lips. Nothing!

Arthur was surprised, usually that was enough to waken him especially when they were away. He leant in and ran the back of his finger along his cheek and over his lips, half expecting to have Merlin's mouth open and for the finger to be grabbed. Nothing!

He pushed himself up on one elbow and gazed down at his sleeping partner. Was Merlin playing or was he really asleep? He leant over to kiss him and he was imprisoned by a pair of strong arms and legs.

He was rolled over onto his back and looked up to see Merlin's eyes smiling sexily.

"You took so long to make up your mind that I thought I had better take control," he said. "What is it with you Arthur, you can make such snap decisions on the battlefield when it involves the life of the knights and yet in bed you..."

"You're on holiday and I didn't want to disturb you..."

Merlin looked through half lidded eyes and said huskily, "Well, what I intend to do will hopefully be disturbing but in a non-alarming manner!"

Arthur lifted his head for a kiss and marveled that after more than five years, Merlin's taking control could still make his heart skip a beat and his body, react instantly. Why couldn't they be like this forever?

The sky was blue by the time they breakfasted. Merlin stood behind the seated Arthur and put his arms around him, leant over and said softly, "Thank you!"

Arthur murmured, "Il n'y a pas de quoi!"

"Arthur, speak English, I feel that I might be missing out on something important."

"Merlin, you never miss out on anything important is just means, 'You're welcome'!"

"Like something I might say to the King the next time he glares at me?"

Arthur laughed, "I wouldn't recommend that, I think maybe, 'C'était toute ma faute...' might be a better choice of words."

* * *

><p>The merlins were exceptional. Lady's Imelda's stock with an infusion of blood from the Camelot birds, had increased their vigor and so doing had perfected their natural desire to hunt. Merlin always felt touched that a captive bird could be given its freedom and would willingly return to the leather gauntlet. Everyday, as Arthur left their chamber, he gave him his freedom and every day their love drew him back to him. He smiled, Arthur released him and like all of his merlins, he too returned of his own free will.<p>

A packed lunch had been prepared so Merlin and Arthur took the horses to retrace the path through the caves behind the waterfall. It had been Merlin's idea which surprised Arthur. Merlin seldom spoke about Cave Two but he could tell when it was on his mind.

"Are you sure, Merlin?"

"Please Arthur, it's an easy ride and I need to do it."

They left in the direction of Threnody Tor and climbed until they reached the boulders and the track to Curtain Falls. Merlin pushed Gidun into the lead. He had to prove something if not to Arthur at least to himself. They both did the same thing as they walked behind the water fall, holding their hands out to pierce the curtain of water, letting their hands be pushed down by the force of it. The sun shining through it made streaked patterns; again the noise of the water drowned out all sounds; the world suddenly felt alien although not unfriendly.

Slowly the trees gave way to boulders and rocks and they entered a gorge. It was protected from the wind. Merlin remembered that soon the caves would start. The rock mass began to tower over their heads. Arthur watched Gidun carefully, through his actions he would be able to tell how Merlin was managing.

As the path widened Arthur rode up beside Merlin. He was coping but the tension and stress were apparent on his face. He hated seeing him this way. He should never have agreed to taking this ride as he knew that they had many caves still ahead of them.

"So...you want to ride double not on Iago but I could get up behind you on Gidun?"

"No, I have to do this but it's harder than I thought. I still have the feeling that they are going to be waiting in the next cave. Why can't I forget it? Gaius said that one day, it will be a distant memory, unpleasant but not upsetting as it still is. I'm alright in the gorges and fine in the open air but it is just the rock face feels as if it is closing in and will imprison me and that man will..."

"Should we turn back?"

"No, I'd rather keep going. We can take breaks in each gorge and then go through the next cave."

Arthur was impressed. Merlin and Gidun kept up a steady pace and they reached what Arthur recognised as the last but one cave. It was huge, the ceiling lofty and high enough that it distorted their voices. Gidun slowed to a halt; Merlin dismounted; Arthur immediately slipped off Iago to stand beside him.

"Hold me!" was all Merlin needed to say and Arthur wrapped his arms protectively around him telling him how brave he was, even braver than Gawaine. Arthur felt him chuckle into his chest so he pulled back and reached for his lips and kissed him. Merlin was as a man on a mission, begging, pleading, imploring and Arthur and he slowly sank to their knees on the dry sand...

Some time later, Iago, a reformed character followed Gidun and Merlin out of the final cave and into the gorge which lead to the hillside from which they could see Manor Farm below them.

Merlin dismounted and grinned happily at Arthur. He unbuckled the saddle bags and sitting against the same rocks as on their previous expedition, he laid out lunch. "Are you hungry, Sire? He said, his head held low but Arthur could see the grin on his face.

"Ravenous!"

"Had a good work out then?" Merlin cheekily enquired.

"Merlin, you continue to amaze me with your ability to..."

"I needed you to dispel all the negativity that surrounded me in a cave. It's gone, my last time in a cave from now on will be behind the Curtain Falls. You and me and the horses...like old times, eh Arthur?"

Arthur slid down next to the food and reached for Merlin's hand, he kissed it and said, "Always, Merlin My Love!"

They slowly made their way back to the manor house, tonight would be their last night. Tomorrow afternoon would see them in Camelot. Arthur told the groom that they would be making an early start after breakfast.

They left him with the horses and walked across to the manor. The building looked lovely in the late afternoon sun, the stones were golden and the windows had also caught the light but in a darker tone.

"I should think, Arthur, that it looks lovely when there is snow. A warm yellow home surrounded by firs and the grey of the bare chestnuts and oaks. I wonder if Geoffrey ever sketched it in winter."

"I bet he did. You know, he's leaving me all his sketches so I'll ask him if he has one of Yewdene in winter."

Merlin's mind flashed back to Gaius who had told him of the sketches which Geoffrey had done of the baby and which he intended to give him at Christmas. Merlin had seen the one of Gaius with the baby on his lap and it had taken his breath away and he had cried.

Gaius had said, "Merlin, he was so loved, don't cry for him. I wanted you to know about it because you will be with Arthur when he first sees them and you will give him the support he needs. He'll be heartbroken but in time, will really appreciate Geoffrey's kindness and thoughtfulness."

"Are you ready to pack?" brought Merlin back to earth and he realised that Arthur was talking to him.

"Yes, let's do it now, so that tomorrow morning, we won't be rushed. You choose what you want to wear tomorrow and I'll get the trunks."

It was a good way to spend the time until dinner. Merlin was still a little flustered from their ride and keeping busy was a good way to push what had happened back in his mind. Soon two chests were packed, Merlin helped Arthur with his dressing gown and when he bent to tie the belt, Arthur leant over and kissed the back of his neck, making little purring noises. Merlin smiled as it sent pleasurable shivers down his spine.

Checking to see that everything was packed except personal grooming items and tomorrow's clothes, he joined Arthur in front of the fire and sat watching the flames destroy the caves in the embers. Caves no longer held any fear for him; Arthur had successfully chased away the demons. He got up and put two more logs on the fire.

Humphrey tapped on the door and entered accompanied by a manservant and a maid with food platters, wine pitchers and goblets. Before he left, he commented on the chests and Arthur told him that he would like to leave after breakfast to arrive in Camelot early afternoon.

Once supper was finished, Merlin took the platters and placed them in the main corridor for the staff to collect.

He locked the door to the antechamber and returned to Arthur, who was at the table putting aside gratuities for the staff. "I'm going to leave something for the family at Home Farm, they are always so welcoming."

Merlin laughed, "You just want to ensure that the next time you are here, they will have more goodies for you! Bessie said that she would make some for our trip home tomorrow. She's a good soul."

"Well, remember that although the way to a man's heart might be through his stomach, I already have possession of your heart so don't encourage anyone else to vie for that position."

Merlin smiled, he felt so secure and safe with Arthur. He hoped that he would be able to do the same for him, should the need ever arrive. He only wanted to keep him safe and protect him from as much pain as possible.

"Are you ready to turn in? How is your back after today's riding? Any pain?" Merlin was worried as they had almost four hours riding tomorrow and even though Iago was now behaving like a gentleman, it could be a strain on his shoulders."

Arthur looked across at him and said, "No everything seems to be fine but...it was good that it was sandy!"

Merlin scrunched up his face not understanding what Arthur was referring to but then suddenly he blushed and grinned at him... "I want to return to Camelot and stand on the king's balcony and yell for all to hear, 'I love Prince Arthur'!"

"In other words, you have a death wish and you want to see me imprisoned?"

"Never! That is why I will keep it a secret even though sometimes I want to run across the training field and hug you and when you are jousting yell at the top of my voice, 'He's mine, all mine!' I want to share it with the world that Prince Arthur loves his manservant and that's me!"

"Good thing, you don't drink as I could see a problem in the offing. Remember the saying, Loose Lips Sink Ships."

"Arthur, what's a ship?"

"I don't know but it means careless chatter can cause major disasters especially in Camelot."

Arthur stood and made his way to the bed, slipping off his dressing gown and letting it drop to the floor.

"Slob!"

"I heard that Merlin..."

"When I retire, you are going to have trouble breaking in a new manservant as he would spend one day with you and hand in his notice."

"He couldn't, because I make the decisions."

"Alright, Mighty Decision Maker, do I leave the candles lit?"

"Yes, all the better to see you with my dear!"

"That sounds rather ominous, Arthur, where did you get it?"

"From a French tale that my Nanny What's-Her-Name used to tell me."

"Tell me it, Arthur, I'm not tired."

...and Arthur began, "Once upon a time, there was a little girl whose grandmother lived in a forest and..."

_The red cloaks were fluttering in the breeze, the atmosphere was charged. _

_Gielbert climbed the stairs and took his hand..._

_Friends united for all to see..._

_He smiled up at Arthur who watched with a face of stone._

_Friends united for all to see..._

_Flames, smoke, heat...he yelled for Arthur..._

_Arthur face broke as he yelled, "No...!_

_Friends united for all to see..._

_Merlin screamed..._

Arthur almost fell out of bed at the sound of Merlin's scream. He was confused...where was he? Why wasn't his chamber window in the right place? He looked around, the body in the bed sobbing was Merlin so he reached for him but he fought him.

Night terrors, a step up from nightmares! He decided to just talk softly and wait it out. Merlin's sobbing became less hysterical and Arthur reached for his hand. He tried to pull it back then had second thoughts and allowed Arthur to hold it rubbing his thumb across the palm.

"It was bad. It was so frightening. I'm afraid to go back to Camelot."

"Merlin, it was a dream. You've had them before and nothing happens. Come closer to me and I'll keep you safe."

Merlin cuddled into Arthur who pulled him to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. His mind wouldn't rest and suddenly he remembered the omens from the night that the princess died. He wondered, 'Where these also omens...what did they mean? He really needed Gaius.'

Finally, his heartbeat returned to normal and he fell asleep. Arthur relaxed his arms and thought, 'Merlin, what am I going to do with you?"

By the time Arthur fell asleep, he had heard the chorus at false dawn and the sun was beginning to paint the eastern sky.

When Merlin woke him for breakfast, he had a headache and was tired.

"I'm sorry about last night. Honestly, Arthur, I couldn't help it. It was so real." Merlin looked sheepishly and said in a whisper, "I was really frightened."

"That's why you are with me, so that I can take care of you and watch over you, when scary things happen. It's alright."

"But, Arthur, my job is to look after you. No one expects a prince to look after his manservant."

"Well, this one does because his manservant also happens to be his friend and lover. Merlin, believe me, I would never desert you, regardless of what you might do, even keeping me awake all night!"

"Arthur I promise that once we get back to Camelot, I'll get a bath ready for you and you can soak for a while and then, I'll get you ready for bed and you can go to sleep, even if it is only early afternoon...and I won't disturb you at all..." Then he couldn't help adding '...unless that is...you wanted me to!"

Arthur grinned, "I'll keep you to that!"

Their return home was effortless, Merlin's little talk to Iago had done wonders and he happily walked, trotted and cantered not only beside Gidun but with the other horses, with no show of animosity or challenging behaviour. It allowed Arthur and Merlin to ride in close proximity, continually exchanging words.

They stopped midway to water and rest the horses and Arthur leant back against a tree reviewing the last couple of days and feeling as if he had been away from the stress and tensions of Camelot for at least a month.

He decided that he would suggest that Gaius also take a few days off as he was always on the job and he wasn't getting any younger. He deserved a couple of days without being pestered by mother's with sick babies, knights with broken limbs and Merlin wanting to discuss with him any problems which he was having with yours truly. He laughed aloud.

Merlin glanced up. He smiled back at the quizzical look on his face and said, "Just thinking, nothing to worry about." He watched Merlin and wondered if maybe he too deserved a holiday away from his job. He was worried about the night terrors, he's check with Gaius. Would he benefit from a few days apart? He looked at him, sitting on a log, playing with a salamander which was climbing over his hands and realised that as nice as that might be for Merlin, it would be excruciating for him. He never did well when Merlin wasn't around. He knew he was being selfish, but no, he couldn't offer him anytime off.

He realised that his father should also have a couple of days break but he couldn't see him being willing to relinquish his iron rule over Camelot even for such a short time.

The riders were ready to be on their way again and girths were tightened and horses mounted. Their next stop was the hill overlooking the valley with the towers and turrets of the castle visible in the distance. The horses picked up that they were close to home and with visions of stables and food in their mind quickened their pace and soon Gidun and Iago had outdistanced the others and were approaching home.

Across the meadows, Camelot looked welcoming, Arthur shook his head thinking of all the problems and stress which lay within its serene exterior. It was a fairytale palace but he knew that inside, it was often devoid of acceptance, trust and love.

Merlin and he were met in the lower meadow by a contingent of guards to escort them to Camelot.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15 : TILL DEATH US DO PART**

Accompanied by guards, Merlin and Arthur rode through the deserted lower town, under the portcullis into a crowded courtyard. They were ushered to the steps and marched up surrounded by guards.

Uther greeted Arthur on the balcony overlooking the courtyard, where Merlin has noticed a pyre had been built. He tensed, there were guards between them and their only exit route.

"So, you returned! Finally, we can commence..."

Uther turned to the crowd, "I will not accept aberrations to the laws of nature in my kingdom, regardless how important, those involved might be within Camelot." He looked in Arthur and his manservant's direction.

Merlin stole a glance at Arthur. He stood there tall, handsome and strong with no reaction to the king's declaration. After all these years of hiding, their love was to be turned into a mockery of its beauty and truth.

Merlin knew, he could control some things but not the end of a wonderful relationship.

"Here are the perpetrators of this vile act!" Uther swung his arm in Arthur's direction...

There was a reaction from the crowd below as two men were dragged toward the pyre.

Merlin gasped, even in the state they were in, he recognised a knight and one of this year's candidates to knighthood. They had been dressed in the long white tunic of a knight of Camelot. They wore the black boots symbolic of death. He heart dropped. They followed two knights in full armour with billowing red cloaks. They were protected from the mob by another four nights similarly clad. They were led to the platform, through a phalanx of knights, amid boos and jeers of those spectators who would later be rewarded with extra ale for their vocal participation. They had been tortured and were hardly recognizable as the two young men whom they were.

Arthur shuddered as they mounted the steps and Merlin knew that he was reliving the first time when as an eight year old, he had been forced to watch a double burning.

Merlin stepped forward and grasped his elbow as if to support him. His eyes momentarily turned gold and Arthur relaxed, his mind and senses closed to what was about to happen. His feelings were dulled, his hearing was muted and his mind closed down, a gift from Merlin to the one he loved most.

Arthur stood tall and proud in Merlin's protective custody, his mind and body in a semi state of suspended emotion. He could see, he could not feel or hear.

Merlin saw Gaius, shaking his head and he realised that he had seen what he had done. That was not all he intended to do, he had one more gift to bestow.

The pair mounted the steps assisted by their brother knights. Their pain at having to witness this event was almost palpable. Their presence was their only way to express their support. The mob seemed to realise that this was more than a burning. It was a show of force by knights for knights. They wouldn't disobey the command of their king but they would show that they were not in agreement.

Merlin noticed that although the firelighters were guards, it was knights preparing the couple to be burned.

Uther tutted as two knights stepped forward removing their cloaks and placing them around the shoulders of the accused. "They'll pay for that!" he muttered.

As Gielbert, stepped forward, Merlin felt for him as he bravely faced them to each other and took their hands tying them loosely enough so they were actually holding hands. He seemed to apologise and then tied their joined hands above their heads to the central stake. He then clasped their other hands and did the same. They stood with their hands raised in victory, tied to a stake in the middle of an unlit pyre.

Merlin's hearing was magnified and he heard Gielbert say to the two of them, "Be brave, your brother knights support you to the end."

Merlin heard Sir Aiden murmur, "Thank them for us." ...and as Gielbert turned away. Aiden looking ahead at the stake masking his lover's face, said simply, "I do not regret loving you..."

To which Robert responded, "...from now on, together forever!"

Gielbert walked down to join the knights who had now encircled the pyre.

As the firelighters stepped forward to ignite the dry brush, a lone knight said, "For the Love of Camelot!"

A furious Uther took a step forward to stop the traditional response but the cry was taken up by the other knights, the senior squires and many of the crowd.

Merlin concentrated, he felt the power, his eyes golden. As the flames leapt up, he released their two hearts, joining them for time in memoriam, "_Ite! Tribuo vos licentiae!_" A dove which had been sitting on Arthur's window sill, flew out of the smoke, rising high in the sky over the turrets of Camelot.

Gaius whispered, "God speed!" He shuddered, using magic while standing in the king's presence was foolhardy but Merlin had sent their souls on before the flames had even touched them.

The flames licked at their bodies and the spectators became unsettled, as neither man moved or screamed, Merlin smiled and thought, 'Let Uther, get satisfaction out of that!'

The knights and senior squires reassembled and left the courtyard once the fire had taken hold.

Sir Rupert stepped forward and said, "Sire?" motioning to the open door behind them leading back into the Council Chamber.

Uther turned and said, "Bloody waste of time! They didn't even acknowledge the pain...Who gave the knights permission to get involved?"

Sir Rupert said quietly to him, "Sire, he was their brother knight, I did."

Uther said, "If there is a next time, mind your own business!" He turned abruptly and went indoors.

Sir Rupert with a satisfactory smile on his face bowed, caught Merlin's eye, as he said, "Sire!" and followed the king into the Council Chamber.

Merlin gently touched Arthur's elbow, he came out of his trance and turned looking away from the blackened pyre to Merlin.

Smiling gently at him, Merlin whispered, "I'll explain in our chambers," realising that he'd have to come up with something plausible.

They followed Uther and Sir Rupert from the balcony and as they passed Gaius, he leant forward, grabbed Merlin's elbow not too gently and said, "...and you, young man, I'll see in my chambers, later!"

Realising that he had been found out he grinned and whispered back, "Gaius, it was the least I could do for them!"

* * *

><p>They walked slowly back to their chamber, the happenings of the afternoon bearing down on them. Neither spoke. Merlin opened their chambers door and waited for Arthur to come in. He turned and barred it.<p>

Arthur said, "At first. I thought Uther was talking about us. He turned and seemed to point directly at me. I was worried for you, as I knew he would punish me but I would be without you as he would insist that you burned and that I watch."

"Arthur, if ever that happens remember, I will let myself die before the flames reach me and I will wait for you wherever I am, until I see you coming then I will run, to be with you again. Don't worry, I wouldn't give your father the satisfaction of watching me suffer in the flames. Always remember that!"

"I felt so strange, I saw Sir Aiden and Robert led in by the knights and I remembered when I was little and then the next thing, I couldn't hear anything, it was like watching a silent dream. I saw all the knights, I saw Gielbert and their hands, I saw the dressing with the cloaks. Then suddenly, I heard the fire, no screaming, no pleading. Merlin, were they already dead?"

"Yes, Arthur, I think they died once their hands were tied to the stake and Gielbert left them. Aiden was a faithful knight and Robert an exceptional candidate, to the end. It was time for them to go, they had suffered enough at the king's hands."

"Did you see the dove? It just appeared out of the smoke and flames. It reminded me of the story, when the lovers escape by turning into doves."

Merlin walked to the window and looked over the courtyard at the blackened remains of the pyre. He closed his eyes and thought, 'Two lives wasted because of gross ignorance. How many others would die before people understood?'

There was a tap at the door. He walked toward it and said, "Who is it?"

"Merlin, is Arthur there?"

Merlin turned to Arthur who nodded his head so he opened the door to the father of Rudd, Arthur's friend of many years back, Sir Rupert.

"Sorry if this time is inconvenient but I wanted to let you know before you hear rumours that I granted permission to the knights, to behave as they did today. Sir Aiden and Robert were discreet. Somewhere, there is a spy whom we believe set them up to be captured. Sir Brian knew that his brother would want to be treated as a knight to the bitter end, hence the accompanying honour guard, the phalanx and the knights with them on the platform.

We had problems with the usual guards as they didn't want the two of them dressed as knights but it is surprising what bribery and coercion can achieve." He smiled grimly. "Aiden was wearing his own cloak when he died as the knight who removed the cloak was in reality wearing Aiden's to get it to the platform. We had thoughts about letting Robert wear his squire's cloak but then decided that as he was within a month of being knighted that he would die as a knight. He was actually wearing Aiden's brother Sir Brian's cloak. I allowed the other candidates for the knighthood to participate as Robert was in their year. I hope that I didn't overstep the bounds but you were absent and decisions had to be made."

"No, Rupert, you did the right thing. Maybe the king will think twice before making a spectacle of two knights ever again. Was he furious with you?"

"He refused to speak to me. Just saying, that 'Tommorow, I would have some explaining to do'."

"Let's hope a good night's sleep will change his mind," said Arthur. Arthur motioned for Sir Rupert to join him at the table and nodded for Merlin to bring some wine.

"Gielbert has taken it hard, he felt holding hands would have given them courage and in retrospect, I think it did. He deserves a lot of credit as Uther knows, he was on the platform. I wanted you to know all of this as I am sure the king will want to discuss it at the council meeting and as you were not in Camelot when the problem started, you would be at a disadvantage. I do not believe that there will be any repercussions but rest assured that I stand by my decision."

"Thank you for brining me up to date. You realise that Merlin and I are uneasy to say the least. Please, somehow let the knights involved know that I, regardless of how my father feels, appreciated their efforts and I am very proud to be a knight of Camelot. The men stood as one in the face of adversity. No one could have expected more."

Sir Rupert stood to leave. He said "Goodnight, Sire!" and left the room.

Merlin was pleased as Arthur now had something to think about and would be less likely to keep asking about his 'stress-induced' behaviour.

"Find Gielbert for me, I want to see him."

"...and Arthur, can I then drop off to see Gaius for a few minutes before I return?"

Arthur nodded. He felt fine, he wondered what it was that he had experienced earlier.

* * *

><p>Gaius's face, said it all, "Whatever were you thinking? Standing next but one to Uther and right next to Arthur and then deciding to take things into your own hands. What was in your mind? If you don't value your own life at least, think of Arthur and me"<p>

"I was thinking of Arthur. I knew how it had affected him the first time. It was just a little jolt to his memory which allowed him to stand there tall and strong, as I knew he would be thinking that it was someone else on the pyre...me!"

"...and Aiden and Robert's deaths?"

"You noticed?"

"Merlin, I wasn't born yesterday, no living person could have withstood the flames without at least crying out or moaning. Then the dove, what came over you?"

"It was to distract people from the fact that they had died."

"Merlin, you can't take things like that in your own hands."

"Gaius, Sir Rupert has just been to see Arthur to confess that he granted permission for the knights to act as they did. I can't confess to anyone but you, that I hastened two knights' deaths to spare their pain. Please accept it in the spirit in which it was done, it was a gift from me to them."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me, trust me and never forget me!" Merlin smiled. "I should be getting back to his lordship, he's meeting with Gielbert."

"Will he need anything to help his sleep?"

"I think you can leave that up to me, don't you Gaius?

"Get out of here, you cheeky baggage! Goodnight, you were brave today, foolhardy but brave!"

Merlin smiled and returned to Arthur.

* * *

><p>As Merlin walked in Gielbert was leaving. He took the time to thank the knight for what he had done.<p>

Gielbert said, "If I hadn't thought it impossible, I would have said that they both died simultaneously with the fires being set. Guess, it was the heat making it difficult for me to focus properly. Good Night."

Arthur, stood, stretched and walked over to the window.

"Don't Arthur. There is not anything worth looking at. Remember them at the last tournament. Robert was Top Squire and Sir Aidan did so well in hand-to-hand combat. Those were happy days."

"They will both be a loss to Camelot. When will people understand? They weren't asking for anything just to live their lives as they chose. How was Gaius?"

"Tired and he said that we should follow his actions by turning in early and getting a good night's sleep. Today has been horrendous."

Merlin helped Arthur undress and tidied up all their clothes as that would be one less thing to face tomorrow. He banked up the fire, left the window open a crack, made sure all the doors were barred and climbed into bed.

They lay there each engrossed in his own thoughts.

Arthur finally said "Merlin, do you believe in an afterlife?"

"Not, without you, I don't." He smiled as he snuggled into Arthur.

He woke later to Arthur talking in his sleep, pleading with his father to forgive him and let his lover go free.

Shivers ran up Merlin's back and he whispered, "I'm here, Arthur, my arms are around you. We're safe..."

Merlin awoke to the sound of scraping. It was still dark but the sky was lightening. He got out of bed to close the window and realised it was a clean-up crew removing the remains of the pyre. Usually the charred wood and ashes were left a couple of days to impress upon the people that Uther tolerated no breaking of his laws. Maybe this time, he didn't want to be reminded of his knights' behaviour. The light of the torches under the portico flickered off the shovels and buckets of the workers. He stood watching and when they had finally finished, he shook his head went back to bed and in so doing woke up Arthur...

* * *

><p>Arthur had breakfasted and was dressed. He'd received notification that there would be a meeting in the Council chambers that morning. Turning around, he asked, "Merlin, will I pass muster?"<p>

"I'm the wrong person to ask. You look perfect to me whether you are in a towel or your Ceremonial Armour. Do you want me to get someone to come by and give you the once over?

Arthur burst out laughing.

Merlin grinned, "You know what I mean, visually that is!"

"I'll take your word for it. I hope I can remember the sequence of events well enough to discuss them if the king asks me my opinion."

"You can, you have spoken to both Rupert and Gielbert, you know what you saw but what happened leading up to the event, you were not here for, so the king can't expect you to know anything about that."

"Are you going to wear a neckerchief with that outfit, it doesn't really need one?"

Merlin with a flourish removed the offending article of clothing and Arthur smiled, "Got a bit carried away, this morning, didn't I?" He gently fingered the marks and then retied the neckerchief around Merlin's neck and smiled at him, whispering, "Thank you! For all the little things you do which I don't notice but which make my life more bearable."

Merlin smiled thinking, 'Oh, Arthur, if you only knew...!'

They made their way down to the meeting. No one was yet seated so Arthur had a chance to speak to a few of the advisors before assuming his place and waiting for the king to be seated. Merlin took his usual position on the stool to the right of Arthur.

Uther sat back. He glanced at some notes and then stated, "Due to the knights' involvement in yesterday's punishment, I will be speaking privately to Sir Rupert, Sir Brian and Sir Gielbert. No further discussion will take place until these knights have made their positions clear."

Then the meeting bogged down in castle repairs, winter visitors, border visits and the general ho-hum daily happenings in the castle. Merlin was bored and then he noticed a large black wooly caterpillar which was making its way underneath Arthur's chair towards Uther.

He smiled he remember the inchworm on Arthur's mug at the alehouse on their first visit to Yewdene. The caterpillar was quite plump and moved more quickly. He hoped that Richard the king's manservant didn't see it as this could be entertaining. He looked up and saw Gaius glaring at him but he just nodded and went back to contemplating his fuzzy friend.

Arthur turned to him and he stood up to go to him. He could tell by his eyes that he had also seen the welcomed distraction. "Do something!"

"No way! This is the most amusing thing which has happened in this room all year. I am hoping that it will crawl up his boot and get into his smalls!"

Arthur looked as if he was going to laugh aloud but he gained control and managed to say, "Merlin, at least respect his position in the kingdom." Gaius glared at the two of them but Arthur just smiled sweetly and turned back to his father who also glared at him for talking to his manservant.

The intruder had reached the base of Uther's throne. It seemed undecided as to whether it should climb or just patrol the perimeter of the base. Merlin was thinking, 'To the left, to the left!' Finally, it heard and turning its little head made its way to Uther's boot. Again it debated but made a decision and climbed up on the toe of the boot. It waited and then started the climb up the leg.

Arthur was squirming in his chair so he was once again glared at. He said, "Cramp in my leg, Sire," and put his heel out as far as he could, pretending to straighten the offending muscles.

Merlin was in his element, seated next to Arthur with Gaius nearby and the most audacious little caterpillar willing to entertain him.

Suddenly people started moving and he realised that the meeting was over, he watched in dismay as Uther stood up and the caterpillar fell to the floor rolling itself up into a wooly ball. He realised that it was going to get stepped on by Uther and he darted forward to save it.

Uther almost fell over him as he knelt abruptly to protect the morning's entertainment. "Get that oaf out of my way, Arthur! One of these days I'm going to banish him from the kingdom and be done with all this foolishness."

Merlin ducked his head to avoid a kick in its general direction.

Arthur said, "Sire," and bowed. He sat back down in his chair and waited until the room had emptied before bursting out laughing.

Gaius walked over to them shaking his head and Merlin uncurled himself and got up off the floor, opening his hand to show both of them his trophy, one little fuzzy-wuzzy caterpillar.

"...and how old are the two of you?" was all Gaius would say as he shook his head and smiled at the two of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16 : THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE**

Meetings, reports, training sessions, life had settled after the deaths of Sir Aiden and Robert and the king had never again made mention of it. He had grilled Rupert, Gielbert and Brian, mentioning how disappointed he was in their behaviour. These meetings were however private, never reported in council.

Training sessions were progressing well, Mulgan had taken a big stride forward and was becoming a formidable opponent in the lists. He trusted Arthur and together they had many a knight shaking in his boots as he lined up at the opposite end. Like Ash before him, it was the partnership of rider and horse which enabled the rider to shine as he had no worries that his mount might veer as the other horse thundered toward him.

Iago was completely different. He had settled after his excursion to Yewdene but he was always going to be one to watch as he was such an individual. Although he was not Arthur's primary mount, he was ridden by him and Gidun and he were now compatible, much to Merlin's relief. Merlin had even ridden him on occasions and he had behaved for him which had amused Arthur as no one else apart from the trainers at Castle Farm had ever had any success with him.

"He's frightened of you, Merlin, stop telling him about the continental epicurean delights of chevaline."

"I don't Arthur, I just have to say to him, 'Bonjour, Mon Petit Filet Mignon!' and he behaves himself."

Arthur so often just wanted to slip his arm over Merlin's shoulders and pull him to himself but recent events were always in the forefront of their minds and any physical contact was kept to an absolute minimum so he just laughed. He wasn't jealous that Iago behaved for Merlin as he was proud that Merlin could ride him especially as anyone else who had tried to put their foot in his stirrup had looked foolish hopping around after him. Even if anyone managed to mount him, he behaved so badly that after ten minutes they were glad to dismount and turn the reins over to the grooms. He was a one knight and one manservant horse!

One day, Gielbert arrived just before lunch looking worried. He told Arthur confidentially that Donatienne was going into labour and he had been barred from their chambers by a very bossy lady's maid who had sent for the midwife. He had been told in no uncertain terms that he was not needed and in the nicest of manners ordered to get out of their way.

"No problem, hang out with us today and they will send a page when you are welcome to return." So, Gielbert had lunch with Arthur. The three of them sat around and every time there was a sound in the corridor, Gielbert would jump up in anticipation of the arrival of news from his chambers.

Merlin remembered how it was in Ealdor, all the men would gather in someone's cottage drinking while the village women and his Mam would take over the responsibilities of the other children in the family and wait with the mother as the baby took its time arriving. Mortality rates within the first year of a child's life were high but each new arrival was welcomed and once the mother and baby were presentable one of the others would go to tell the father so that the baby's head could be wet and the drinking became a celebration. Men were not wanted or expected to be involved with childbirth.

Many times, his mother would be away for as long as two days and return with downcast eyes as either the mother or the baby had died. Other times, she would come bustling in with a big smile to tell him that so and so had a new baby brother. Merlin was fascinated by the newborns and remembered one time when his mother had returned with a squalling bundle who reigned over their home until another family member was found to take her in. He was young around eight and all for keeping the little baby but his Mam told him she would be better off in a proper family with a mother and a father and siblings.

"But we're a proper family you and me, we can keep her." But his mother wouldn't listen and soon the cooing adorable baby was taken by a distant cousin. He realised that he would have liked to have had a little sister and for some time he had pleading with his mother that she have another baby. He remembered that she had just ruffled his hair and said, "No, not even for you, Merlin My Love, is that going to happen!"

...and then he had visited Camelot and met the golden haired Arthur and babies became less interesting that was until he had held Little Merlin.

He was keeping an eye on Arthur as the arrival of Donatienne's baby was going to be difficult for him. So far he was coping but he had seen him daydreaming and he knew that another little baby was on his mind. Beside Gaius, Geoffrey and Sir Leon, no one in Camelot knew why Arthur might have problems with the arrival of Gielbert's baby.

Gielbert had been allowed in to see his wife as the birth wasn't imminent; he held her and told her he loved her and she whispered to him, "Next time, I see you there will be three of us!" Then the lady's maid told him his wife needed to rest and that they wouldn't want to see him around there until after the birth. So, he left with his manservant in tow, to spend the night in one of the knights' guest chambers.

Supper was a long drawn out affair. The king went on and on about absolutely nothing as far as Arthur was concerned but he nodded politely and made all the obligatory sounds to pretend interest. Merlin served him wine and Arthur made him jump as he let his hand run up his thigh. He laughed as he realised that Merlin could have lost control of the wine pitcher and soaked him.

Merlin nudged him with his foot and he realised that the king was speaking to him, "Right, Arthur, isn't that so?"

"Yes, Sire, exactly!" Arthur, he thought to himself, 'One day, you're going to agree to something you will later regret,' so he made himself pay attention to the rest of the king's meanderings.

Later as the two of them were returning to their chamber, Merlin said, "Arthur, your mind was miles away tonight."

"Yes, but not my hand!"

Merlin burst out laughing. "You were so lucky that the pitcher wasn't full as I would have been in the king's bad books again as I would most certainly have spilt some on you."

"Yes, but you didn't, did you?"

"Not this time!"

"Listen to you, 'Not this time'! Are you insinuating that there might be another time?"

Merlin grinned at him coyly, "I hope so..."

Merlin held open the door and Arthur walked in pulling him after him and holding him against the door.

Arthur ran his finger up Merlin's neck but he pulled away.

"Not here, not tonight! Let's go to the turret room."

In the end, to get away from a very amourous Arthur, Merlin had raced up the stairs. But arthur wouldn't give up and continued to try to grab him. He'd pleading with him, "Arthur it's not safe doing that, one of us might fall. Spiral stone stairs are not conducive to fooling..." then Arthur had a flashback of a servant slipping and cracking his head on each step and the body tumbling until it finally became wedged between the circular walls.

He arrived slightly out of breath and Merlin noticed the look on his face and realised that he was upset. He held his chin and looked into his eyes, "Arthur Love, what is it?"

"I suddenly remembered Edmund lying on the stairs."

"Arthur, that was nearly ten years ago. You and he weren't fooling and I promise that if even your foot had slipped down one stair, I would have held onto you."

"But I'm heavier..."

"Trust me, Arthur, if necessary I would have the strength of ten knights to hang onto you if you were in danger of falling."

"Merlin, stop exaggerating..."

"Well, would you accept two..."

Arthur grinned at his best friend who certainly had delusions of grandeur. Merlin having the strength of two, let alone ten knights made him smile. He loved him so much that sometimes even thinking of ever being separated from him hurt.

Merlin opened the door to the little courtyard and the warm autumn air swept in. It was still quite early and on the horizon, there remained the glow of sunset and the sky was not yet dark. Arthur plonked himself on the bench and Merlin lay against him clasped in the only arms which he ever wanted around him.

A nightingale serenaded the two lovers and Merlin never wanted to leave the moment but Arthur began to complain that there must be a more comfortable place to sit as the bench was hard and Merlin was no lightweight.

Later, as the night claimed the whole sky chasing the sunset below the horizon but allowing stars to appear, Merlin murmured, "Satiated?" and put his fingers to Arthur's lips.

He felt him smile as he whispered, "Mmm...temporarily..."

"Arthur Pendragon, you are going to be the death of me."

He fell into a troubled sleep.

_Where were all the men? None were around only women with hushed voices._

_Doors slammed in his face as he tried to gain access._

_Gaius admitted... but he was refused._

_No one knew Arthur, it was as if he had never existed._

_Crown prince? No, never one in Camelot..._

_He was on the beach, alone, carrying a bundle_

_His Mam arrived, she smiled as she wrestled the bundle from him saying that men didn't deserve babies._

_His legs gave way and he fell pleading, "Mam, leave him with me, I need him. He's mine and ..."_

_He felt someone touch him and he looked up at a little blond boy of maybe six,"What's your name?"_

"_Merlin."_

"_Like the bird...?"_

_He was beginning to feel confident, this was comfortingly familiar..."What yours?"_

"_Arthur."_

"_Like the prince...?"_

"_No, like the friend!"_

_...and he bust into tears as when he next glanced up the boy was gone._

_He knew he would awake with a start. He knew his heart would be thumping and someone would be calling him as he would be cradled in their embrace. _

* * *

><p>But it wasn't Arthur, the following morning but the slapping of the flags on the turrets wakening Merlin. It was light and clouds were scudding across the sky. It promised to be a fine day. He lay there thinking. He pushed the dream away, hopeful that there would be some good news about Donatienne. He decided to go downstairs and collect the breakfast platters but all plans were put on hold as Arthur had other ideas.<p>

Later, they made their way downstairs together, stopping to kiss before they opened the door into the corridor. They had no sooner made it to their chambers than there was a tap on the door and Gaius entered.

"You look exhausted, Gaius, what were you up to last night?"

"I was busy. The midwife needed assistance."

Merlin could see Arthur tense so he walked to him and put his hand in the middle of his back. "...and Donatienne?"

"Just as dawn was breaking, she delivered a lovely little girl. Both mother and baby are doing fine but the father is a mess, sleep deprived and in a state of bewilderment."

Gaius watched emotionally as Merlin hugging a suddenly sobbing Arthur, said, "They did it; they have their own little baby. Be happy for them, Arthur, remember the love you had for Little Merlin, they are now experiencing the same feelings."

"It hurts!"

Gaius said, "...and it always will be there but take a step away from your little boy, as you have to congratulate the new parents and join in their joy at this happy event."

"How's Donatienne? Arthur managed to ask.

"She had a rough time but is resting and soon all the memories of pain will be replaced with the joy of the new arrival.

In a couple of weeks, you'll be able to see her and her daughter. I'm going to go and have a couple of hours sleep." He nodded at Merlin winking, "I'm too old to be doing all-nighters!"

* * *

><p>Arthur sat at the table. His mind was miles away. Everything which had happened had rushed back, swallowing him again. He looked at Merlin and gave a semblance of a smile, as he served their food.<p>

When he finally sat down opposite him, Merlin reached across the table, took his hand and kissed it. "Together, we will be able to face Gielbert and congratulate him on his daughter. What name do you thing they will choose for her?"

"I don't care!"

"Yes, you do. She's Gielbert's daughter and you liked her mother."

"But the baby could have been mine!"

"No, she couldn't Arthur, you didn't want to marry Donatienne. She waited for you but you didn't love her that way."

"Because, I was waiting for you..."

Merlin got up and walked around the table and put his arms around his crown prince's neck and nuzzled in his hair saying, "Yes, Arthur because you were waiting for me, just as I waited for you to make up your mind to tell me that you were interested in that boy called Merlin." Merlin couldn't continue and he hoped that Arthur didn't mind the tears which were falling into his blond hair.

Arthur pushed his chair away from the table and Merlin slid down onto the floor beside him and kneeling with his arms around him, he put his head into Arthur's lap and whispered. "Why does something I will never have, make me feel so vulnerable?"

"We're a couple of girls, where babies are concerned, aren't we, Merlin? Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way, Love, would you?"

Gielbert was ecstatic and came to visit telling them that Donatienne was well and that their little daughter was beautiful. They had decided to call her Marie-Aurore because of her time of birth. He confided that she would probably be called Aurora but for his wife's sake he'd agree to the French equivalent as her official name.

That night in the dining hall, Merlin had never been prouder of Arthur as he had stood and announced the birth of the little girl and had asked the other knights and ladies of the court to raise their glasses in welcoming Gielbert and Donatienne's daughter.

Merlin glanced at Gaius and could see that he was also remembering a little baby boy who apart from Sir Leon's words on the beach had never been acknowledged by the court and Arthur's brother knights. From somewhere in his past, he remembered a phrase, 'the death ye died, I watched beside'. They had done their best and would never regret any of it.

* * *

><p>Merlin found a little packet on his pillow one night. He smiled, Arthur had remembered... He turned and looked at him saying, "Your allowing me to be with you everyday is a present that lasts all year."<p>

"Shut up, Merlin!" Open it, I want to see your face..."

Merlin sat up in bed and opened the small wooden box. There was a little silver ring. It was engraved with the same design as Arthur's coronet. His eyes opened wide and he smiled.

"If I could, I would happily have you share my coronet but that cannot be so I want you to wear this as a reminder that what I am is yours, what I have is yours and what I will be, will also be yours. Please accept it."

Merlin leant over to accept Arthur's kiss and was then told which finger it should be worn on.

"But, Arthur, it's my birthday present, I can choose which finger to put it on."

"No, it has to match mine. Does it fit?

"Yes..."

"Then put it on the index finger of the hand, closest to your heart."

"But, Arthur, yours is on your right hand..."

"Yes, so if we hold hands, our rings will be united."

"You, Oh Mighty One, are an incurable romantic..."

"Remember, 'mighty is who mighty does'. Come here!"

"You made that up, better to remember 'how the mighty fall'!"

"Merlin, I fell for you, isn't that a mighty enough happening even in your life?"

"Love me, Arthur, take me away to the mighty expanse of the universe, let me see the stars..."

"Shut up, Merlin!"

* * *

><p>Camelot was once again into its end of year preparation. From the seamstresses working on warmer winter clothing, to the kitchen staff packing away winter provisions, the whole castle was preparing for the change in weather and the arrival of winter.<p>

Larders and meat lockers were being filled. Root vegetables would be harvested throughout the winter. Merlin used to enjoy watching the outside staff retrieving fresh carrots and parsnips as it meant an added variety to what was already in storage and something different to eat until he got fed up with the monotony and was then happy to see swedes and celeriac. The weather played an important part in all winter foods especially root vegetables.

Arthur was in his element as he was encouraged to hunt. He was not expected to show up for council meetings. Dining with his father at night was his only way to keep up on the happenings of importance in the kingdom.

After the first couple of outings, with Merlin tagging along with a look of absolute boredom on his face and a marked distaste for handling dead things, Arthur gave him his blessing to stay in Camelot and assist Gaius.

Autumn was a busy time for the court physician as he had to lay by herbs and plants which would be dried and then used as needed, throughout the winter. Merlin quite happily wandered the local woods with Gaius, collected anything which was useful, plant, tree bark, fungus and roots.

"Well, at least you won't be able to make any really obnoxiously smelling remedies this winter as most frogs, toads and snails will be unavailable. Do you really think that the worse tasting and smelling the remedy the more efficacious it is?"

"Spoken like a real academic. Honestly, Merlin, there are some people who believe that unless the medicine tastes vile, it will not be effective."

"But, I don't feel that way, if you give it to me and it is colourless and has no smell, I would trust that it would work. Anyway, apart from a few colds and upset stomachs, I am surprisingly healthy."

"Yes, you are considering your strange diet and the sometimes questionable things which you insist on consuming. I'm surprised that you don't hop around considering all the greens you eat. Can you reach those brown leaves? Thanks."

"I once ate eel."

"How did that happen?"

"I thought it was a strange, soft, root vegetable and Arthur didn't tell me otherwise. Anyway, he told me not to worry as eels are related to the pig but without legs and they are smaller and longer. You enjoy pork so maybe you should try it someday."

"Merlin, your knowledge of animal classifications, sometimes floors me! Don't tell me you believed him?"

"No, but I pretended I did and made his day! Anyway, I'll get my own back and you can be sure it won't be with something as wholesome as eel. What about these berries they look plump and delicious, are they of any use?"

"Handle them carefully as they will stain your hands red and it won't come off easily."

"Not even if I use my special gifts?"

"Probably, but it might turn you into a robin red-breast."

"That's the only thing which I don't like about Arthur's merlins... but I would never tell him as he'd laugh at me."

Gaius looked slightly confused but packed up his basket as the two of them started back home. "So what, could upset you about your namesake which is a great little falcon?"

"They hunt songbirds, robins, and even nightingales."

"Yes, but not only songbirds they hunt pigeons, thrushes, starlings and jays and sometimes even voles."

"...and dragonflies..."

"Merlin, life is hard and we're all part of the food chain whether we like it or not."

"I know but just let me know when the king is going to be served for..."

"Merlin, that's enough! You'll put me off my supper!"

Together, they made there way up to the castle, through the portcullis into the courtyard. Arthur saw them from his window and realised how lucky he had been with the two men who were so important in his life. Now, if only he could instill in Merlin a love for hunting living things, life would be complete...

**FINIS**

**To be continued in TO LOVE AND BE LOVED which is the seventh story in the Rejected By Royalty series.**


End file.
